Part 2 (1/2)

He stared at me, unmoving, and I held my breath, waiting for him to say something. Anything. To wipe away the hurt. But he just kept staring while my heart beat pounded away the seconds.

After the s.p.a.ce stretched to almost unbearable, he shrugged. His shoulders lifted, and his head shook slightly. ”I didnt want you to leave.” There was no apology anywhere in the gesture or his words.

And something in that casual admission sucked the energy out of me.

”f.u.c.k you for not trusting me.” It came out in a whisper, and I turned to walk away.

He grabbed my arm, turning me back towards him. ”I trust you. I do. I just-”

”If you trusted me, you would have told me.” I put my hands up, blocking his next words. ”Im going to bed. I need time.”

He nodded with a step back. And I walked away to our bedroom, by myself.

3: Empty.

I SHOULD BE USED TO IT, THE empty bed, but awakening with his side untouched still made my heart sink.

Sliding the phone off the nightstand, I read the bright screen. It was nearly five in the morning and he hadnt called or made it to bed. I rolled onto my back, fear making me want to stay put, to deny that he may have not come home yet. But something stronger than fear, anger, had me moving.

The walk to the living room was silent, the carpet soft as my feet sunk into it with every step. And with every step, I hoped he had just crashed in the living room. The empty couch ripped away that possibility. He hadnt come home at all.

My muscles shook and I didnt know what caused it, the fear that he may have gotten hurt or the anger that this may just be another late night. Another night where he wouldnt explain what kept him out. Another night, another secret, another brick added to the wall that had begun separating us ever since he started working for Viktor. One that I didnt know how to stop building or how to cross.

I checked my text messages, there was still no response from my last one at midnight asking when hed be home. My fingers paused over the screen, about to type out another one, but I stopped myself. More than likely, he was fine, and this would be like the other times. Except, I was done waiting for him. Id go insane trying to fill in the blanks his absence created.

Anger surged through me. I needed a release. The gym would open soon, so I went to get ready. I was zipping up my book bag for school, preparing to be out all day, when the front door shut. I froze.

After a few moments pa.s.sed and he didnt appear in the bedroom, I ventured to the living room. My skin tingled, unsure what Id find. The chance of him being hurt or it being someone else coming into our place stiffened my spine.

Gage was on the couch, head back, arm draped over his eyes. The emotions of the morning collided, and a swirl of relief and resentment churned in my gut.

He sat up the moment I stepped in the room, surprise clear on his features as he blinked at me. His suit jacket was off, draped on the coffee table with two guns laid on top.

”Regan? What are you-” He stood up smoothly, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked me over, gaze landing on my bag. ”Where are you going?”

I sucked in air, chest burning as I held in the anger I wanted to show, the questions I wanted answered, the hateful remarks I wanted to make. But I knew how all of that would end, the same way it always did, him refusing answers or something even worse. Lying to me. I couldnt take that.

”To the gym.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked past as if I didnt notice or care about him standing there in a suit he didnt leave the house in.

”Gym? Its the middle of the night.”

”No, its morning. Im getting an early start.” I kept walking but could feel him closing in behind me and braced myself by swallowing down the knot of hurt stuck in my throat.

”Wait.” His hands gripped my shoulders, and he pulled me to him so my back pressed to his chest. He dipped his head to the side of my ponytail, and his breath fanned over my bare neck and tickled my ear. ”You dont need to go right now. Come on, stay with me for a bit.” His arms circled me and I didnt know how to push him away. I dont think I had the strength to; his presence sucked it from me. ”Ive missed you.”

I missed him too. But being around him now only made me miss him more because he barely let me see any of him. He hid behind excuses and dismissals I didnt know how to get beyond. But I didnt want to push him away when this might be the time things could be different. I had to try.

I leaned back into him with a nod of my head. He walked us to the couch and we both sunk onto the cus.h.i.+ons. I dropped my bag at my feet so I could better fit into the crook of his arm. A heavy musk of smoke and liquor clung to him, but I could still detect his fresh scent under it all and tried to ignore the rest, desperate for those feelings I could only find with him. But I couldnt find them; they played at the edge, never truly materializing. Holding him tighter, I adjusted my head to hear his heartbeat, hoping it would drown out everything else.

His arms tightened around me and lips pressed to the top of my head. ”d.a.m.n, I needed this.” Warm, soft lips dragged over my neck as he inhaled me. ”Ive needed you.”

I tried to stay relaxed in his embrace, but his words and kisses only stirred up the hurt I felt. He was ignoring last night completely. I wanted to go along with him. I wanted this moment, even if it was pretend, I hadnt felt important to him in a while. As his lips covered mine, it wasnt the electric heat that traveled through me, but a quiet sadness, chilling me.

He must have felt the difference too. He pulled away, barely an inch, our noses still touched as his hands moved to my face, eyes searching mine.

”Babe? You all right?” His thumb swiped below my eye, bringing my attention to the tears that were escaping. He kissed my cheek, holding his lips to me for a moment.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying stamp out the tears or pull them back in. I needed them gone so I could talk to him-explain to him. I needed to do this without it leading to an argument.

”Did something happen? Is everything all right?” His voice rose, filled with concern.

”You happened.” I gave up on gaining control and pushed away from him, letting him see exactly how not all right everything was. ”Youre just getting in, again. And you never called.”

His blue eyes locked on mine for a moment. Then he dropped his gaze and reached for my hand. ”Ian called you didnt he? To tell you.”

I pulled my fingers out of his loose grasp and tried to get him to look at me again, but he wouldnt.

”He did, to say you wouldnt be able to make dinner, but that was nine hours ago.”

He tapped his fingers on his thigh, and then looked up at me. ”He was supposed to tell you it would be a late night. Several new employees, a few VIP parties, I had to make sure things went smoothly. Plus, I had to set everything up since weve got to go to that party this weekend.”

”That party? Its Felixs first birthday, you dont want to go?”

He groaned and dropped his head back, running his hand over his hair. ”Thats not what I meant, but it puts more pressure on me to get things done before then.”

”You do realize youre not really the owner?” I said it out of spite but also because it was true. I hated hearing about ”employees” when I knew they were strippers. Or things that needed to be done when I wasnt convinced it was the club that kept him busy. It seemed that it was a cover for more than drug money, it was a cover for whatever Gage was really doing. But he refused to admit it.

”Its my name on everything. It reflects on me. Its me thatll take the hit if anything goes wrong. So yeah, I am the owner. They only want the doors open. They dont care about anything else.” His cool eyes pierced mine, challenging me to argue the point.

But I didnt want to keep doing this. I stood up with my bag.

”Where are you going now?” Anger ran under his words as he rose to his feet.

”To the gym.”

He pulled my hand, stopping me. ”Wait. Ill get you a ride there. Let me call-”

”Thats okay.” I stepped away from him. ”I was going to drive so I can go straight to cla.s.s after.”

”Fine. Ill see you later then.” He was staring right through me.