Part 7 (1/2)
He rubbed his hand over his face, and I barely heard his mumbled response, ”Im already there.”
I charged forward and shoved his shoulders. He sat back on the couch, looking at me with his chin raised like he expected me to hit him. I pulled my arms back and crossed them over my stomach to keep from reacting physically, already regretting what I had done.
”Youre not getting away from me that easily.” I took a step back, out of the circle of heat his body put off. ”I deserve to know why. Why youre ending a marriage.”
Marriage.
It struck like lightning. Shocking me to forgetting the rest of what I was going to say. We were married. Grief tore through me, taking all strength from my legs, and I sunk to the ground. All control gone.
He was off the couch, next to me, reaching for me. ”Im not-”
I lifted my hand to keep him back. ”I meant everything I said, Gage. I wanted forever with you. This past year”- I searched the air for the words, swallowing the sadness thickening my throat-”was everything. Why would you throw that away? Unless, was it not real for you?” There was no anger left in me. I was drained and exposed. So I laid it out, wanting only honesty, wanting to understand. ”Or is there someone else who means more?” My heart squeezed painfully with the question.
His eyes dropped over me, deep lines ridging his forehead as he shook his head. ”Babe, No. There will never be anyone who means more.” He scooted a little closer to me, tentatively reaching for me. ”You are everything to me.”
His warm hand slid to my face, thumb brus.h.i.+ng my tears and I couldnt find the strength to push him away even as he shredded the last bit of my heart with his words. ”But I cant be who you need right now. Maybe not ever.”
”Why?” I took a breath and pressed, ”Why are you doing this? What is it thats so bad? Everything weve been through to get here. Why are you pus.h.i.+ng me away? Do you not remember what it was like when we were apart? What could be worth that again?” I grabbed his hand from my face, holding it in my own, thumb running over the smooth, warm band around his finger-our promise to each other. I clung to it, to him, fear gripping me with the memory of the past.
”I remember.” He closed his eyes and exhaled. When they opened, the new resolve s.h.i.+nning in them scared me, anchoring me in place. ”And Id keep you from all that. I dont want you hurt.”
Yanking my hand away, I pressed it to my chest and sat up straight. ”Youre hurting me. Youre throwing me right back into that pain. But itll be worse this time because now I know what Ive lost.” My head was swirling. I could pa.s.s out. ”We made promises to each other, to be together through everything. That was only months ago. What has changed?”
”I have.” He stood up, and the sudden s.h.i.+ft made me fall back to look up at him. His throat moved as he looked around the living room, avoiding me. ”It has to be this way. Ill leave now, give you time to pack.”
And just like that he pulled his emotions back in, sealed them up, and walked away, each step grinding on my heart. He walked to the bedroom, but I was stuck on the floor, too stunned to move. I hadnt thought it would come to this, us splitting up. Not even when he left Vegas. I hadnt thought this would be possible.
And I still didnt know why.
All thought ceased. I rose to my feet and followed him to the bedroom, a woman possessed. My steps were quiet, I was floating. I stood at the doorway and watched him stand over an open case on the bed, fingers moving over the phone in his hand, and I snapped.
He looked up as I yanked the phone from him. He hadnt expected it and released it easily.
I wanted to read what he was typing, but he was already grabbing my arm to get the phone back, so I threw it. It hit the wall with a thump and then bounced over the floor several times.
”What the f.u.c.k?” He released my arm to step past me and retrieve the phone. Lifting it up, he showed me his shattered screen. ”Look what you did?”
I was back to trembling, but I didnt care. I shrugged. ”I dont f.u.c.king care about your phone! I care about us. Why are you doing this?” I stepped towards him, and with every step he held himself higher, straighter, harder. ”You want me to leave? Well until you tell me the truth, Im not going anywhere and neither are you.”
He narrowed his eyes, walking past me to his suitcase. ”You cant stop me, Regan.”
Sprinting, I knocked his suitcase off the bed and kicked his clothes around the room. No sane thoughts emerged from the storm within me.
”Stop.” He yanked my arm back, pulling me away from the suitcase just as my foot connected with a pile of clothes.
Rolled up jeans tumbled across the floor. A stack of crisp hundred dollar bills and a brick of c.o.ke just as thick as the cash spilled out, tumbling over the floor.
The air was sucked from the room, freezing us in the moment.
Gage released my arm, scooping up his money and drugs in an instant. He lifted his suitcase, righting it on the bed, and began tossing his clothes and things back in it.
”Is that what this is about?” I scoffed, gesturing to his case. It couldnt be.
He continued packing, not pausing as I spoke.
”Are you really not going to tell me anything? Youre going to leave me now, with no explanation? How can you say I meant anything to you and do this?”
His head bowed over the case as he zipped it up. ”I cant.” Squeezing his eyes shut, he took a few deep breaths, then lifted his case in one hand and turned. ”Ive got to go.”
”Fine.” I stepped in front of the door, blocking his exit, my spinning emotions firmly settled on anger. ”Dont tell me. But Im not going back to Dexters. Im going to find my own answers.” I stepped closer to him, close enough to feel the pull he had on me, close enough to touch him, but I didnt. I tried to burn him with my eyes. ”And if I find out youve got someone else. I will kill you.”
”Jesus, do you hear yourself?” he looked down on me with disbelief.
But I didnt blink, or flinch. ”I do. And I mean every word. Youre just as much mine as I am yours. You said so yourself. We made promises, long before we ever married.” I stepped out of his way, gesturing to the door. ”So go now if you must. But know, this isnt over.”
He hesitated, readjusting the case in his hands but not taking his eyes off me. ”Youre serious? What are you going to do?” his voice was low, unsure.
I shrugged, not at all sure what I meant to do, but I would get to the bottom of this.
His phone beeped its ring tone from his pocket, and he finally broke eye contact to retrieve it.
”f.u.c.k,” he mumbled pressing the shattered screen several times, there was no way he could see who was calling.
”Youre going to answer that, right now?” I shook my head in disbelief; it cemented how low I was on his priorities. I was the only one fighting for us, and he just made it feel worthless.
”h.e.l.lo,” he spoke into the phone, but didnt move to leave. ”Ian, my phone broke so I cant read my texts. Ill send my new number tomorrow...Cancel it tonight, somethings come up,” his eyes searched mine as he spoke. ”I dont care. Thats my business...Tell them Ill arrange something tomorrow.” His head dropped low as he listened, lines deepening on his face. ”I dont give a f.u.c.k. Shes your problem, deal with it.” Pulling the phone from his ear, he hit the power b.u.t.ton on top, shutting it off.
I crossed my arms over my chest and raised my eyebrow, waiting for him to speak. It seemed there was a message in that conversation for me, but I didnt dare hope to read into it.
He set his suitcase down by his feet, mirroring my stance. ”What the h.e.l.l are you planning?”
”What are you planning? Youre the one that just had a mysterious phone call about problems and meetings.” I replayed the conversation in my head, a realization slapping me in my face. ”You just freed up your night for something.” I flicked my eyes to his suitcase. ”And it obviously isnt me. So go. Dont worry about what I do.” Drained of emotion, I couldnt stand to continue this pointless argument that wasnt getting us anywhere. I turned and walked away, out of the room.
He followed and caught me in the hallway, spinning me by my elbow to face him. ”I am worried about what youre doing, about what youre planning. I canceled my plans tonight because youre going crazy, and I dont want you getting yourself in trouble.”
”So what? Youre going to stay here and babysit me? f.u.c.k you.” And all of a sudden I knew how I could get my answers. ”Im leaving.”
He gripped my other arm, tightening his hold on me.
”Let me go.”
”Not till you tell me where youre going.”
”To the club. Im going to that club, and if Ian wont fill me in, Ill find Alessandra. And if she doesnt give me answers, Ill find Viktor. And Ill keep going till I know exactly what youve been doing and whats changed.”
”For f.u.c.ks sake, Regan. Do you not get thats exactly what Im trying to keep you out of? You dont belong in this mess. Stay away. Im giving you a way out.” He was shaking me, a current of panic running under his actions and words.