Part 23 (1/2)
Gage scooted close to me in the back of the town car driving us from the airport. His arm slid over my shoulder as he pulled me close. ”This weekend should be good, give us a break from the city, maybe get your mind off everything.”
I could feel him staring at me. My constant headache began to throb, knowing his eyes were on me waiting for something, for some response. Something more than the barely there answers and excuses Id given all week.
My arms slid around his waist, and I squeezed him, soaking up his warmth and clean scent. ”Im sorry. I-I know Ive been off. I just-Im going to let it go.” Every word felt like a lie, like a betrayal. But how could I tell him His palm moved up and down my arm, his cheek resting on my head. ”You dont need to apologize. I know the news was hard. You never wanted to think about your past and then when you do, it turns out bad. Its okay. I shouldnt have taken you there.”
”Lets go back to not talking about it, please.”
He kissed my head. ”Okay. Whatever you want.”
His gentle words only made me feel that much worse. That much lower. But each moment that pa.s.sed after we left the prison made it harder to say. Now if I spoke, Id have to explain why I didnt tell him to start.
I had to let it go.
”More gravy?” Gage raised an eyebrow at his brother. ”Youre the one fighting tomorrow, right?”
Dexter let his head fall back, gravy boat in one hand. ”Dont even start with me. I know what Im doing.”
Gage raised a hand. ”I told you we should have had our Thanksgiving dinner Sat.u.r.day instead.”
”Oh we are. Were having deep fried turkey then, with stuffing, and pie, and sweet potatoes, and Im going to gorge. But Ive been d.a.m.n good with my diet this past month, youd be proud. None of those cheats I use to do.”
Leona rolled her lips in between her teeth, biting back a smile as she tore up pieces of turkey for Felix in his high chair.
Dexters hand went out quick as she snorted, he pointed to her. ”Dont even start.”
Gage sat back grinning. ”Leona? Does he have Oreo cookies in the night stand?”
Dexters jaw dropped, but his eyes were bright with humor. ”I. Do. Not.”
Nadia set her wine gla.s.s down, b.u.mping my shoulder with her own. ”He has hostess cupcakes in there.”
All eyes were on her now.
”Why the h.e.l.l do you know whats in my night stand?” Dexters voice nearly squeaked, but he was laughing.
”Felix was looking for his pacifier the other day.”
Gage was shaking his head. ”Hopefully youre ready for tomorrow.”
”I am.” Dexter took a bite of his mashed potatoes. ”Ive got this, that guy wont even know what hit 'em.”
Leona stood up and kissed his lips as she gathered empty dishes and caught Felixs sippy cup at the same time. He had officially stopped eating and moved on to playing, making car sounds as he ground the turkey over his tray. The table had stayed loud throughout the evening, and I felt a pang for it to be ending. I had been content to sit back and watch everyone, especially Felix.
I stood to help Leona clean up, Nadia stayed at the table with her sons, and for once Gage wasnt jumping to get out of her presence. They didnt talk really; all conversation centered around Dexter, but still, it felt like a good step.
”This might have been my favorite Thanksgiving ever.” I had my head on Gages bare chest, fingers tracing his tattoo, a familiar path that Im surprised didnt hold an indent from my fingers.
He lifted his head to look at me. ”Better than last year? I thought last year was our year of breaking all those records. Best Christmas, best birthday, best New Year.”
”It was, but this thanksgiving was nice to be with them.” I closed my eyes, trying to savor the warmth, letting tonight cast away my dark thoughts.
His hand slid over my bare stomach and my muscles clenched by reflex.
”Next year will be even better,” he spoke low. ”Its only going to get better for us-for our family.”
My secrets were an anchor, keeping my mood from lifting.
”I promise, Regan. I know the past couple of months have been hard, but things are getting better. The club isnt attached to me anymore, and Ive got some good news.”
”What?”
”You know Commie Magoro? The boxer running up the ranks?”
”Yeah.” I held my breath, expecting what he meant.
”He thinks he can take my t.i.tle. And theyll pay me well to defend it.”
”Can you do that? You havent been training hard and with the new club?”
”I would have to put that on hold. Viktor already knows and hes okay, as long as I continue to a.s.sist with other things. But Id have time to get back into training. The fight wouldnt be for another four months.”
”So youve already decided and set it up?”
He looked at me, confused. ”I thought youd be happy about it. Youve been talking about me going back.”
”I am.” I was stunned that the problem Id been stressing over cleared itself up. ”I just didnt know.” The combination of thoughts triggered my guilt all over again.
He smiled. ”I wanted to make sure it was all a sure thing before I told you. I didnt want to get your hopes up if it fell through.” He sat up in front of me, his hand sliding to my cheek and eyes unbearably soft and tender. ”But its not official yet, you still have a say in this. Were a team, remember? What do you think?”
I closed my eyes, tears sliding onto his hand. I covered his fingers with my own, holding him in place. We were a team, and he needed to know what Rusnak had said. But a part of me argued that I would just be ruining his good news, that I was only telling him to lighten my own load.
”Babe. Look at me. Whats wrong?”
I pulled his hand down and when I opened my eyes, the confusion in his sealed my decision. He was feeling my burden whether I spoke or not, he had been feeling it all week.