Part 32 (2/2)

I cried out as my body curled, tightened, and then broke in waves, releasing around him.

”You didnt deserve that.” He was grunting through his thrusts, continuing his furious movement in and out.

”Hmm,” I laughed, stretching my body under his as the pressure built again. It didnt matter what he said, because I got it. I wasnt worried with his words.

His fingers gripped my chin, forcing me to look at him. ”I mean it. Youre mine and Im not letting you go.”

I closed my eyes. More words that didnt matter. It didnt matter if he wanted to hold on to me, I didnt exist beyond this moment. There was only this moment. And I was swimming in it, pulled under by him.

He convulsed, body jerking hard with his release. His heavy weight dropped on me, covering me with his damp, heated body. My own muscles still quivered.

We lay still until the aftershocks stopped. My muscles were drained beyond exhaustion, I couldnt even see straight. He rolled to his side, and his fingers glided over my stomach and along my ribs, lulling me into sleep.

”You got a tattoo? When?”

I sucked in air, skin p.r.i.c.kling as he traced over the ink along my side.

”A couple of weeks ago.”

His fingertips slowed as they ran over my scars. I didnt even have to open my eyes to know he had reached them.

”That guy from the station? He saw your scars?” His voice was barely a whisper, but it was razor sharp.

My eyes popped open and I slid off the bed as fast as I could. ”Get the f.u.c.k out now.”

He sat up. ”I have a right to ask.”

”No, you actually dont. I dont know what the h.e.l.l just happened between us, but it wasnt what you think.”

”Bulls.h.i.+t.” He was out of bed now, both of us naked. ”You just cant admit it. You keep running from it. But you belong to me and I belong to you. We took a f.u.c.king vow.”

”That girls dead.” I walked around him, picking up pieces of clothes from the floor to get dressed.

”Shes standing right there. Scared as ever.”

”Thats where youre wrong.” I stood up, clothes pressed to my chest. My thoughts suddenly became clear. This had been the last test and Id pa.s.sed. I wasnt that weak girl that couldnt say no to him. Id had him, and it changed nothing. ”Im not scared.”

His eyes narrowed, a touch of doubt darkening them, a c.h.i.n.k in his confidence. But he stalked towards me. ”Then what are you? Because running sure as h.e.l.l seems like a cowardly thing to do.”

”Youre a b.a.s.t.a.r.d.” I knew what he was trying to do and I hated him for it. I couldnt let him tear me down. ”Im just not the girl that loves you anymore.”

He flinched at that. Hands curling at his side. ”Dont f.u.c.king say that. I thought we were beyond lies.”

”Its the G.o.d d.a.m.ned truth. Since I met you, I lost myself. All I was, was the girl who loved you, and look how that f.u.c.king ended. Im done with that. With her. With you.”

He was silent and still, but anger rolled off him.

”Youll never be done with me. I wont let you. You cant run far enough away, Ill always find you.” It was a low, deep threat, and every word shot through my heart.

He must have registered his words a second later because he loosened his fist at this side and took a step closer, hard lines melting into something softer. ”I couldnt think with you gone. I cant function. Youre everything to me.”

I shook my head. He couldnt wipe away what was already said, what had already been done. ”Thats not true. You have your work. Im the one that had nothing but you. And now, I have nothing.”

”You still have me.”

I stepped back, pulling my arm behind me out of his reach.

”I never did. Not really. Now go.”

He sunk to his knees, hands grabbing his hair. ”Tell me what to do, Regan. Tell me how to make this right?”

This was the part I couldnt handle. It was easy to meet his anger with my own, but I couldnt meet his tears, his hurt, that would be too much pain to bear, and I may never pull it back in. I gripped the counter behind me to keep from moving to him, ”Anything. Just tell me.” Somehow he was in front of me, still on his knees, arms around my legs.

I patted his hair, giving a little comfort, knowing hed never do it. But Id tell him-the one thing. The thing I was going to do. The one thing I should probably never admit to him. But I couldnt keep it in because as much as I tried to deny it, my love for him was still strong. I was just done living for myself. Id already accepted there was no happiness for me; I might as well endure pain for a purpose.

”Go to the FBI with me.”

His arms dropped away, and he fell back on his feet, eyes blank as they met mine, all tears burned up as his shock gave way to anger.

33: One Way.

NO WORDS CAME OUT OF HIS MOUTH, but he looked like he was ready to breathe fire.

I used the s.p.a.ce and time to attempt to get dressed, starting with my underwear, but I didnt get a chance to slide on my s.h.i.+rt before he finally found his voice.

”What the f.u.c.k is wrong with you?” He was on his feet now, every line of his muscles clenched and showing the strain of his anger. ”FBI?” he spit the words. ”Thats suicide. You cant do it, I wont let you.”

I had paused when he spoke, but now I dropped my s.h.i.+rt over my head, feeling a little less vulnerable partially dressed. ”I didnt ask for permission. You asked what you could do and thats it.”

I reached for my jeans, but he yanked them from me, tossing them to the ground. ”Youll die. Are you listening? Going to the FBI will get you killed, and not a quick death either. You cant do it.”

”Im already dead. No matter what I do, theres something. I tried being loyal, and that didnt work; I still almost got killed.”

”But you didnt,” he gripped my shoulders, his voice low and rough, ”You didnt die, and I cant let you do this.”

My eyes locked with his. ”Its not your choice to say what I do. You wont do it? Fine. But you cant stop me.”

”Like h.e.l.l I cant.”

I closed my eyes, done arguing something I couldnt convince him of. He couldnt stop me because he didnt have enough time to devote to keeping me, that I knew. When I opened them, he loosened his grip and was rubbing his palms up and down my arm; it made my stomach swirl with unease.

”Why? Why do you want to do this?” His voice was overflowing with concern and dread.

I shrugged away from his touch, trying to find the answer to that question. There were so many reasons, but I gave him the most honest. ”Because I feel like Ive been banging my head into the same brick wall over and over and getting nowhere.”

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