Part 17 (1/2)
I barely heard his words. He had curled his fingers around my hand. As if he realized my discomfort, he drew back again so quickly it was as if he hadn't touched me at all.
”Was there ever a time when William wanted your pa.s.sion, Lucy?”
I did not need to search my memory; the scene was there. Seagulls and salt wind. Sand in my boots, the rising tide. The smell of seaweed in the sun and William's warmly astringent bay rum. Do you really think that I could keep from you a single moment longer than I must? . . . Marry me.
”I see there is,” Seth murmured.
I shook away the memory. ”It was a long time ago.”
”Before you were married?”
”The day he proposed to me.”
”Show me,” Seth said.
Obediently, I began. ”It was during the summer. My father and I were at Newport, and I hadn't seen William-”
”No.” Seth rose from the chair and stood before me. ”You must show me.”
”I don't know what you mean.”
”I will be William, and you must be yourself.”
I was confused and a little appalled. ”You mean I must act it out?”
”Yes.”
”I fail to see what good could come of that.”
”Because I believe that you have refused to feel such emotions since that day. I would like to know why. What did William do or say to show you that such feelings were anathema to him?”
”There's nothing-”
”We will try to see if we can reach some conclusion,” he went on. ”But you must try to describe your feelings to me as we progress. Now, where are we?”
Reluctantly, I said, ”At Newport. Bailey's Beach.”
”You went there together?”
”I was there alone. He came after me. It was the first time I'd seen him all summer.”
”And you were angry.”
”Of course I was angry!” I rose. ”I had thought he no longer cared for me.”
”Very good,” he said. ”Then let's proceed. You are on the beach, and I am William. I've just come upon you.”
”I can't do this.”
”You must try, Lucy,” he said, and his voice lulled me into submission. ”I've come upon you at the beach, and I say, 'There you are, my dear, I've been looking for you.' ”
I shook my head. ”No, no, it wasn't like that.”
”How was it, then?”
”I was watching the surf, and he stole up behind me.”
”And said?”
I turned my back to him, trying to remember. ”Something about mermaids trading their fins for legs. How I reminded him of that.”
”Very poetic,” he said. ”Very well. Lucy, my dear, you look very like a mermaid who's traded her fins for legs.”
Not right, but this entire exercise felt so odd to me, I only wanted it to be over. I turned to face him. ”William,” I said, then nearly laughed at the ridiculousness of it. ”I didn't expect you.”
Dr. Seth gave me a chiding look. ”I had trouble getting away.”
”The entire summer?”
The doctor shrugged. ”It's been a busy season. I came as soon as I could.”
”You could have written. Or sent someone to explain.”
”But I thought you would know,” he said, stepping closer. ”You must have known I would come if I could. You must know how much I love you.”
I winced. ”William was not so . . . pa.s.sionate.”
Dr. Seth raised a brow. ”No? But I think that's how you wanted him, wasn't it? Pa.s.sionate.”
”Perhaps a little,” I admitted.
Seth came closer still, only inches away, and he took my arms, lightly holding me in place. ”It was a romantic evening, wasn't it? Near sunset?”
”Yes,” I said. I began to feel a little breathless.
”The sky was pink. There were seagulls-”
”A single gull.”
”A single gull. Dipping with a wind that was barely there. The waves were soft on the sh.o.r.e.”
”Yes.”
”You were longing for something. For me.”
”Oh, yes. . . .”
”I love you, Lucy,” he said. ”I want to marry you. Say you'll have me.”
”Why should I . . . have you?” I managed. My throat was dry. The doctor's face was wavering before me, so I could not see it clearly. ”You're nothing to me. My father's stockbroker-I shouldn't care for you at all.”