Part 17 (1/2)
When Ash returned, he dropped down onto the couch beside Cael, giving his hair a playful tug and chuckling at Cael's poke before he settled against Ash. It was odd seeing him so at ease in his relations.h.i.+p.
”Sweetheart, Sloane's gonna be cras.h.i.+ng here for a few nights.”
Cael studied Sloane, his head c.o.c.ked to one side, the worry written all over his boyish face. ”What happened? Is everything okay with Dex?”
”No,” Sloane said with a sigh. This was going to be so much worse than he thought. Cael was just as protective of his brother as Dex was about him. Maybe Sloane was overreacting. Maybe Cael might understand where Sloane was coming from and could talk to Dex.
Sloane took a deep breath and told them everything that had happened with Shultzon, leaving nothing out, including his argument with Dex. Ash opened his mouth to reply, but Cael beat him to it.
”So you walked out on him? You accused his mom of walking away, and then you turned around and did the same?”
”Cael, it's not the same. You don't understand the history here. Everything Ash and I went through. My parents, this whole First Gen anomaly thing.... It's complicated.”
Cael jumped to his feet, his anger coming off him in waves. ”Don't you dare tell me it's complicated! It's not, Sloane. Do you have any idea how this must all be killing him? Finding out about his parents, about what Shultzon did? It sounds like Gina was trying to help, and she was killed for it. How could you walk out on him?”
”I didn't walk out,” Sloane insisted. Was he really so surprised that Cael would take his brother's side in this? ”I told him I needed some s.p.a.ce, some time to think.”
”Away from him. You promised him you would both work through things together, and then you tell him you're leaving him.”
”I can't sort this all out around him. My G.o.d, Cael. He looks just like her. When I look at him, I think of the day I met her at the CDC Registration Office. I think about how she could have said something to my parents and said nothing!”
”Have you thought that maybe she couldn't? Jesus, Sloane, they killed her! If she was gathering evidence, secretly investigating, don't you think she knew the kind of people she was dealing with? Have you considered that Shultzon might be lying? Picking and choosing which truths to feed you?”
”Sweetheart, come here,” Ash said gently.
Cael shook his head. He grabbed his shoes off the floor before hurriedly putting them on. ”I need to be with Dex. He shouldn't be alone.” He gazed at Sloane, his gray eyes filled with hurt. ”I'm disappointed in you, Sloane. He's always been there for you, always. He's risked his life, his reputation, his career, his future for you, and now, when he needs you the most, when he's asked you for nothing more than to have faith in him, you bailed.”
”Cael-”
”If you weren't ready to be serious about the two of you, you shouldn't have marked him.”
The words were like a slap to the face, especially since the same thought had shamefully crossed his mind. He'd been so sure.... No. He was sure.
Cael turned, gave Ash a quick kiss, then stormed off. He s.n.a.t.c.hed his jacket from the hook by the door and left, slamming the door behind him. Wow. So it was possible to feel worse than he'd been feeling before. Peachy.
”I'm sorry, Ash. The last thing I wanted was to mess things up for you.”
”You haven't,” Ash a.s.sured him. ”It's not me he's p.i.s.sed at. I gotta say, bro, you managed to p.i.s.s off both brothers. That takes skill.”
”Why can't they understand? Everything we went through? What if it could have been avoided? What if she could have done something?”
Ash frowned at him and shook his head. ”Are you really going to risk everything you have, everything you've worked so hard for, for something that could have been?”
”The facility-”
”Is where I met you.”
Sloane swallowed hard. He hadn't thought about that. ”Yeah, it is.”
”It's where we became brothers. Where we decided to become THIRDS agents so s.h.i.+t like that wouldn't happen to anyone else. So a.s.sholes like Shultzon would pay for their crimes.” Ash sat forward, his hands clasped between his knees and his intense amber eyes moving from the floor to Sloane. ”What happened was f.u.c.ked, and yeah, I wish it had never happened, but that got me on this path. It brought me to you, Cael, our family. I wouldn't change that for anything.”
”What about my parents? My mom? You know what I did.”
”I'll tell you the same thing you told me about Arlo. You were just a kid. It wasn't your fault. After a lifetime of carrying that guilt, I finally let it go, because you were right. It doesn't mean it wasn't f.u.c.ked-up. Doesn't mean I don't miss him every day or wish he was here, but I know now that I can't change what happened, and what happened wasn't my fault. Just like what happened with your mom wasn't your fault. You were a terrified little kid. Who the h.e.l.l knows what would have happened if Gina Daley had said something. Maybe it would have saved your mom. Maybe the universe would have found some other way to f.u.c.k us both over. My point is, are you going to make Dex pay for the f.u.c.ked-up s.h.i.+t that happened in your past?”
”I'm not trying to make him pay for anything, Ash. I just don't know how to move past this mess with his mom.”
”Everything that's happened has brought you two together. I might not believe in any of that fate s.h.i.+t, but you two are good together. Without you he's like a f.u.c.king excitable puppy, p.i.s.sing all over the carpet because he can't help it, and without him, your head takes you to dark places, and you wallow there, letting it consume you. How many times did I have to drag you out of your shadows, kicking and screaming?”
Sloane swallowed hard. ”Too many,” he admitted quietly.
”With Dex, you're like the guy you were always meant to be before any of that f.u.c.ked-up s.h.i.+t happened to us. This here, you how you are now, without the f.u.c.king running, is who you were meant to be, Sloane, and a lot of that is down to Dex.”
Sloane didn't know what to say. What could he say? Ash was right. Sloane remembered what his days had been like after Gabe died. He'd been spiraling deeper into his anguish, letting it consume him.
”You said that this with Dex was it. A future together, a family. Is that really what you want?”
Sloane didn't hesitate. ”Yes.”
”You love him?”
”You know I do.”
”Is that enough?” Ash held his gaze. ”How much does he mean to you? What are you willing to give, Sloane?”
Sloane took a moment to think about what Ash was saying. It wasn't enough for him to love Dex. It wouldn't sustain them, wouldn't get them through the tough times, not if Sloane kept reverting to his old ways. He'd believed everything would right itself after he confessed his love to Dex, but now was when the real work started, when their love would be tested. When he would be tested. Dex would never falter. Sloane knew that much. After everything they'd been through, Dex remained true to his heart and his love for Sloane. He fearlessly charged ahead, confident in them. He had faith in them. In Sloane.
”He told me one of these days, he might not be there when I get back.”
Ash pursed his lips in thought. ”Well, then I guess you better stop f.u.c.king up.”
”Really? That's your answer? Thanks, pal. I appreciate the support.”
”What do you want me to say? He's right, man. How many times do you think he's just gonna stand there and let you crush him? If I'd been Daley, I would have sent your a.s.s packing months ago.”
Sloane stared at him. Not what he'd expected, but okay.
”Don't look at me like that. You f.u.c.king marked him, Sloane. You offered him a link to your f.u.c.king soul. It wasn't just your word or a promise that you'd be there for him. You f.u.c.king offered him everything you are, and what did he give you? His life, man. Daley's marked for life. He's told you that you're all he wants for the rest of his life, and you p.i.s.sed on it. You were there at the bar that night, right? Both nights? Every time he walks out the door, he knows what he's risking, and he's doing it for you.”
”I-”
”I love you. You're like a brother to me, but sometimes I just wanna kick your a.s.s.” Ash got to his feet and headed for the stairs that led to his bedroom. ”I'll grab you some pillows and blankets. Think about what you stand to lose for something that was out of his control. We've wasted enough time living in the past. Don't waste any more.”
Sloane sat forward, elbows on his knees as he dropped his head onto his hands. Ash was right. Of course he was right. Everyone was right except Sloane. Had he really needed time to think about things, or was that just another one of his pathetic excuses so he wouldn't have to face his insecurities again? Every time he thought he'd conquered his fears, he was made painfully aware of how laughably wrong he was. Sloane's insides twisted when he thought of Dex, of his beautiful smile, of the love he had in his heart for Sloane.
”Here.” Ash tossed some blankets and pillows onto the couch. He was about to turn away when he let out a sigh. Instead, he took a seat on the coffee table facing Sloane. ”You need to ask yourself why you're sabotaging your relations.h.i.+p.”