Part 12 (1/2)
She smiled a little. ”You're not Kyle Renbourne, Viscount Maxwell and heir to the Earl of Wrexham?”
”That was the obvious part.” He leaned forward and divided the last of the tea between their cups. ”But so much was expected of me that I was never sure what I wanted for myself. For years I envied my brother. Since he was younger, he was much freer than I-yet he would have traded his freedom for my responsibilities in a heartbeat.”
”The pair of you sound like donkeys tugging at your ropes for the gra.s.s beyond your reach.”
He chuckled. ”Exactly. Eventually, with the help of Constancia, I realized that many of the chains I wore were of my own forging. After she died, I threw them off and started on the road that has led here.”
”Have you discovered what you truly want along the way?”
”It's ironic. I used to feel trapped by the demands of running a great estate and the knowledge that eventually I must take a seat in the House of Lords and make decisions about the fate of the nation. Yet now I rather look forward to both. There will always be new challenges, and I think I'll serve my tenants and countrymen well.” He gave a self-deprecatory laugh. ”That sounds rather pompous, doesn't it?”
She studied the strong lines of his face, thinking he could never be pompous, much less boring. ”My father said that the motto of Mary, Queen of Scots, was 'In my end, I find my beginning.' That's what you've done- gone 'round the world to discover that your destiny lies where you began. You're fortunate.”
”In most ways.” His face darkened, and she knew he was thinking of Constancia.
”Though you won't have the love of your life, you'll have your home, your family, your destiny,” she said quietly. ”I envy you.”
His expression softened. ”I shall help you find a home in Britain.”
Their gazes met over the dying flames. She wished she could believe that the warmth in his eyes was love, but she was not such a fool. He liked her, and he desired her because it was the nature of men to desire women, but his offer was the helping hand of a friend. ”At least I won't have to be a man or a spy there.”
She set down her empty cup and stood, stretching her tired muscles before she removed her outer garments and the money belt he'd given her. She'd sleep in the lightweight tunic and trousers she wore underneath. Kyle was similarly attired. She watched surrept.i.tiously as he pulled off his outer clothing, his muscles stretching the fabric of his undergarments.
She hoped he'd suggest they spread their blankets together, but he didn't. Suppressing a sigh, she lit one of the torches in the fire, then climbed up to the shrine. There she knelt in front of Kuan Yin. There was just enough light to show the G.o.ddess's faint, compa.s.sionate smile as Troth uttered a wordless prayer: Lady, I know this man is not for me. His heart has been taken, he is as far above my station as the sun is above the clouds, and his honor forbids him to dally when desire is not fueled by love. But you are the G.o.ddess of feminine truth and power. If there is a way for us to come together, even if only for an hour, please let it happen. I swear that I will not ask for more of either you or him.
Then she closed her eyes and became still. A thread of energy pulsed through her, beginning with warmth and soon bubbling into joy as she realized what she must do. As a man of honor, he did not wish to injure a feeble, innocent female, so she must convince him that no injury would be done. And, if Ling-Ling was to be believed, a man was most easily persuaded when his desire was engaged.
But how to engage that desire? Troth thought hard as she made her way back to the sleeping chamber. Kneeling on her blanket, she turned her back to Kyle and reached under her tunic to unfasten the wide bands of fabric that flattened her chest. She felt his gaze as she slowly unwound the cloth. When finished, she ma.s.saged her b.r.e.a.s.t.s to stimulate the flow of blood through cramped flesh. Ah, yes, he watched, and dreamed of what might be...
She turned to face him, her tunic draping provocatively over her newly female body. Seeing that his gaze was riveted to her, she untied her queue and shook her head to loosen her hair before combing her fingers through so it fell in a straight, s.h.i.+ning ma.s.s down her back. ”Sometimes I become so tired of having my hair pulled back.”
His gaze was not that of a dispa.s.sionate friend. Swallowing, he looked down and spread his blanket for sleeping. ”Understandable. I find the wig uncomfortable, too.”
The energy was pulsing through her like a great heartbeat-female yin energy, strong and sure of its power to attract the male yang. She closed the s.p.a.ce between them with slow, confident steps as she prepared to convince him they should become lovers. ”I enjoyed sleeping with you last night.”
His hand clenched on his blanket. ”I enjoyed it, too, but it would be wiser to sleep separately tonight.”
”Wiser for whom?” She knelt beside him on the blanket. When he looked up, she leaned forward and kissed his open mouth before he could utter more protests.
His arms slipped around her waist and he pulled her hard against him. As the kiss deepened she clung to him, intoxicated, yet sensing that he was not so lost to pa.s.sion as to forget his blasted gentleman's code.
Her fear was proved when he ended the kiss and sat back on his heels. ”You are a dangerous temptress,” he said with a twisted smile. ”But nothing has altered since last night, my dear girl.”
She tilted her head, allowing her hair to cascade over her shoulder. ”My understanding has changed. You are too serious, Kyle. Because you loved deeply and were terribly wounded by your loss, you fear the risk of wounding me. I honor your kindness, but will you be terribly insulted if I say that I won't fall in love with you?”
Instead of being offended, he looked intrigued. ”How can you be sure of that? Is there some Chinese wisdom here that I don't understand?”
She caressed his cheek with the back of her hand as she lied. ”I know my heart. If I were going to love you, it would have happened by now. But I like and trust you as a friend, and I find you most attractive.” She skimmed her hand downward, featherlight over his chest. ”It will be frightening to travel to England. I will be stronger, I think, if I have experience of pa.s.sion.
You would do me a great favor by lying with me.”
”You're trying to tie knots in my thinking, and doing a d.a.m.ned good job of it.” He caught her hand, preventing further caresses. ”But virginity is treasured by many men. So great a gift should be given to your beloved, not a mere friend.”
She smiled as she felt the power of his longing. His body wanted her even if his mind still resisted. ”A 'mere' friend? Denying me is proof of your integrity. Suitors might try to beguile me with lies, and without experience of men I might believe them. Far wiser for me to first taste pa.s.sion with a friend who wishes nothing but my good.”
He took her face between his hands, his blue eyes troubled. ”There is nothing I would like more than to make love with you, but I don't want you to ever suffer regrets.”
”I will have no regrets,” she said with absolute truth. ”But I swear that if you hold to your Fan-qui notion of honor, I will have regrets to my dying day.”
His clasp tightened around her face. ”You win, my dear girl. You've tangled my brain and willpower like a skein of yarn.” He stood and caught her hand to raise her into an embrace, mouth to mouth, body to body, heat to heat. This time he was wholly present, as committed to intimacy as she.
She caught her breath as his hands slipped beneath her tunic to circle her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. G.o.ds, she had not known what pleasure there could be in touch!
As she whimpered from the sensations that blazed through her, he stripped off her loose undertunic and trousers, then removed his tunic so that her b.r.e.a.s.t.s crushed into the warm flesh and soft hair of his chest. ”I'd wondered what sort of figure lurked behind Jin Kang's garments. You are even lovelier than I dreamed.”
This time she believed his words, for there was pa.s.sion in the lips that closed over her nipple. So gentle, so careful, yet she could feel the fierceness of his leashed desire.
For a moment he stepped away. She opened her eyes to see him laying out their blankets together to warm the cool stone floor. Then he drew her down to their bed and stretched out beside her. ”Troth,” he murmured into her hair. ”Mei-Lian. Though you've lived as a man, you are pure woman, supple and strong and beautiful beyond words.”
”What... what should I do?” she said unevenly, her hands restlessly running through the hair on his chest.
”Simply relax and tell me what pleases you. Another time...” He laughed a little. ”Well, there are other lessons beyond this one.” His lips found shocking sensitivity in the hollow of her throat and along the edge of her jaw before his mouth claimed hers again.
Hazed with pa.s.sion, she obeyed him and became a creature of reactions, her choked sounds of pleasure revealing how each of his caresses pleased her more than the last. Where their bodies touched, she could monitor his desire, could feel the flex of his muscles as he rigidly restrained himself.
His warm palm stroked over her belly, arousing her unbearably. Desire coiled inside her so tautly that she gasped when his hand slipped between her thighs.
He stopped immediately. ”Does that upset you?”
Her nails bit into his shoulders. ”No! No, please, don't stop.”
Gently he resumed his intimate caresses, so sure and knowing that she could scarcely bear it. She was all fire, burning, burning...
She moaned, clinging to him as her body exploded with a pleasure beyond any she'd ever dreamed. Ah, G.o.ds, the only greater pleasure could be when he released his control and they took flight together...
Rapture subsided, leaving her panting with her face buried against his shoulder. ”That was... a good beginning,” she said unsteadily. He still wore his loose undertrousers, so she slipped her hand under the waist in a tentative search for the source of the hard heat pressing her thigh.
He caught her hand again. ”Let us sleep now. It's been a long day.”
Her eyes shot open and she stared at him with astonishment. His face was sheened with perspiration, but his expression was calm. He'd planned all along to go only this far and no further.
”But what of you?” She yanked her hand free of his and cupped that fascinating source of male energy. ”Would you deny me the opportunity to give back pleasure?”
He froze, except for the heavy throb against her palm. ”You've learned some of what you wished, I think, yet nothing irrevocable has been done.”
She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. ”My lord Kyle,” she said severely. ”Stop being so d.a.m.nably n.o.ble.”