Volume Ii Part 11 (1/2)
I have it now--'tis plain enough-- Your hairy business is a m.u.f.f.
Your engine fraught with cooling gales, At once so like your masts and sails; Your thing of various shape and hue Must be some painted toy, I knew; And for the rhyme to you're the man, What fits it better than a fan?
A RIDDLE
I'm wealthy and poor, I'm empty and full, I'm humble and proud, I'm witty and dull.
I'm foul and yet fair: I'm old, and yet young; I lie with Moll Kerr, And toast Mrs. Long.
ANSWER, BY MR. F----R
In rigging he's rich, though in pocket he's poor, He cringes to courtiers, and c.o.c.ks to the cits; Like twenty he dresses, but looks like threescore; He's a wit to the fools, and a fool to the wits.
Of wisdom he's empty, but full of conceit; He paints and perfumes while he rots with the scab; 'Tis a beau you may swear by his sense and his gait; He boasts of a beauty and lies with a drab.
A LETTER TO DR. HELSHAM
SIR, Pray discruciate what follows.
The dullest beast, and gentleman's liquor, When young is often due to the vicar,[1]
The dullest of beasts, and swine's delight, Make up a bird very swift of flight.[2]
The dullest beast, when high in stature, And another of royal nature, For breeding is a useful creature.[3]
The dullest beast, and a party distress'd, When too long, is bad at best.[4]
The dullest beast, and the saddle it wears, Is good for partridge, not for hares.[5]
The dullest beast, and kind voice of a cat, Will make a horse go, though he be not fat.[6]
The dullest of beasts and of birds in the air, Is that by which all Irishmen swear.[7]
The dullest beast, and famed college for Teagues, Is a person very unfit for intrigues.[8]
The dullest beast, and a cobbler's tool, With a boy that is only fit for school, In summer is very pleasant and cool.[9]
The dullest beast, and that which you kiss, May break a limb of master or miss.[10]
Of serpent kind, and what at distance kills, Poor mistress Dingley oft hath felt its bills.[11]
The dullest beast, and eggs unsound, Without it I rather would walk on the ground.[12]
The dullest beast, and what covers a house, Without it a writer is not worth a louse.[13]
The dullest beast, and scandalous vermin, Of roast or boil'd, to the hungry is charming.[14]
The dullest beast, and what's cover'd with crust, There's n.o.body but a fool that would trust.[15]
The dullest beast, and mending highways, Is to a horse an evil disease.[16]
The dullest beast, and a hole in the ground, Will dress a dinner worth five pound.[17]
The dullest beast, and what doctors pretend, The cook-maid often has by the end.[18]