Part 10 (1/2)
Slowly, meaningly, Clayton Craig drew away--resumed the former position; the place from which, un.o.bserved, he could himself watch.
”We're going away out there,” complied the girl suddenly, reluctantly.
Her hand indicated the trackless waste to the right. ”Just the two of us are going: How and I. We'll take a pack horse and a tent and How's camp kit and stay out there alone until winter comes.” Against her will she was warming to the subject, was unconsciously painting a picture to please the solitary listener. ”We'll have our ponies and ammunition and plenty to read. The cowboys laugh at How because ordinarily he never carries a gun; but he's a wonderful shot. We'll have game whenever we want it. We'll camp when we please and move on when we please.” Again unconsciously she glanced at the listener to see the effect of her art.
”We'll be together, How and I, and free--free as suns.h.i.+ne. There'll be nothing but winter, and that's a long way off, to bring us back. It's what I've always wanted to do, from the time I can remember. How goes away every year, and he's promised this once to take me along.”
Suddenly, almost challengingly, she turned, facing the man her companion. ”Won't it be fine?” she queried abruptly.
”Yes,” answered a voice politely, a voice with a shade of listlessness in its depths, ”fine indeed. And if you want anything at any time you can go to the nearest ranch house. One always does forget something you know.”
”That's just what we can't do,” refuted the girl swiftly. ”That's the best of it all. The Buffalo b.u.t.te is the last ranch that way, to the west, until you get to the Hills. We probably won't see another human being while we're gone. We'll be as much alone as though we were the only two people in the world.”
Craig hesitated; then he shrugged self-tolerantly.
”I'm hopelessly civilised myself,” he commented smilingly. ”I was thinking that some morning I might want toast and eggs for breakfast.
And my clean laundry might not be delivered promptly if I were changing my residence so frequently.” He lifted from his elbow. ”Pardon me again, though,” he added contritely. ”I always do see the prosaic side of things.” The smile vanished, and for the first time he looked away, absently, dreamily. As he looked his face altered, softened almost unbelievably. ”It would be wonderful,” he voiced slowly, tensely, ”to be alone, absolutely alone, out there with the single person one cared for most, the single person who always had the same likes and dislikes, the same hopes and ambitions. I had never thought of such a thing before; it would be wonderful, wonderful!”
No answer; but the warm colour had returned to the girl's face and her eyes were bright.
”I think I envy you a little, your happiness,” said Craig. Warmer and warmer tinged the brown cheeks, but still the girl was silent.
”Yes, I'm sure I envy you,” reiterated the man. ”We always envy other people the things we haven't ourselves; and I--” He checked himself abruptly.
”Don't talk so,” pleaded the girl. ”It hurts me.”
”But it's true.”
Just a child of nature was Elizabeth Landor; pa.s.sionate, sympathetic, unsophisticated product of this sun-kissed land. Just this she was; and another, this man with her, her cousin by courtesy, was sad. Inevitably she responded, as a flower responds to the light, as a parent bird responds to the call of a fledgling in distress.
”Maybe it's true now--you think it is,” she halted; ”but there'll be a time--”
”No, I think not. I'm as the Lord made me.” Craig laughed shortly, unmusically. ”It's merely my lot.”
The girl hesitated, uncertain, at a loss for words. Distinctly for her as though the brightness of the day had faded under a real shadow, it altered now under the cloud of another's unhappiness. But one suggestion presented itself; and innocently, instinctively as a mother comforts her child, she drew nearer to the other in mute human sympathy.
The man did not move. Apparently he had not noticed.
”The time was,” he went on monotonously, ”when I thought differently, when I fancied that some time, somewhere, I would meet a girl I understood, who could understand me. But I never do. No matter how well I become acquainted with women, we never vitally touch, never become necessary to each other. It seems somehow that I'm the only one of my kind, that I must go through life so--alone.”
Nearer and nearer crept the girl; not as maid to man, but as one child presses closer to another in the darkness. One of her companion's hands lay listless on his knee, and instinctively, compellingly, she placed her own upon it, pressed it softly.
”I am so selfish,” she voiced contritely, ”to tell you of my own love, my own happiness. I didn't mean to hurt you. I simply couldn't help it, it's such a big thing in my own life. I'm so sorry.”
Just perceptibly Craig stirred; but still he did not look at her. When he spoke again there was the throb of repression in his voice; but that was all.
”I'm lonely at times,” he went on dully, evasively, ”you don't know how lonely. Now and then someone, as you unconsciously did a bit ago, shows me the other side of life, the happy side; and I wish I were dead.” A mist came into his eyes, a real mist. ”The future looks so blank, so hopeless that it becomes a nightmare to me. Anything else would be preferable, anything. It's so to-day, now.” He halted and of a sudden turned away so that his face was concealed. ”G.o.d forgive me, but I wish it were over with, that I were dead!”
”No, no! You mustn't say that! You mustn't!” Forgetful entirely, the girl arose, stood facing him. Tears that she could not prevent were in the brown eyes and her lip twitched. ”It's so good to be alive. You can't mean it. You can't.”
”But I do. It's true.” Craig did not stir, did not glance up. ”What's the use of living, of doing anything, when no one else cares, ever will care. What's the use--”