Part 19 (1/2)

He winked. ”Now you're talking.”

I stood there for a few moments, feeling more courageous than I had for a long time. It was nothing, I knew, but for me, it was something. And no one was watching, so I didn't feel stupid.

I s.h.i.+fted my weight and felt the boat s.h.i.+ft a little. Actually, it was nothing, even to me.

”Now all you have to do is get out and walk back to sh.o.r.e,” he said.

”Walk to sh.o.r.e? No, I can't do that.”

”Sure you can. Is it forbidden?”

I wanted to say yes-it would give me an excuse. But technically, it wasn't.

”And even if it was, not all forbidden things are wrong. If your mother told you to cut off your hand, would you?”

I blinked at him. Did he know about Mother?

”No, I didn't think so,” he said. ”The fact is, boats really offer you only an illusion of safety. There's still the water, you see? What if the boat sprang a leak or broke? Or what if a storm rose up? The only way to really be safe is to have no fear of the water under any circ.u.mstances, but that's a bit advanced for today, I would say. Now . . .”

He pointed to the water at his feet . . .

”I can guarantee you this water, which is only a foot deep and won't even come above your rain boots, can't hurt you. All you have to do is get out of the boat and step in it. You'll see. Do that, and you will be more free than you have been in a very long time.”

”But . . .”

But suddenly the thought sounded quite appealing. Not stepping out of the boat. Being free.

And the water was only a foot deep.

I'm not sure what came over me in that moment, but I was flooded with a surge of courage and I found myself grabbing the edge of the boat, flinging one leg over, then the other, and dropping into the water.

My boots landed in mud and I came to a jarring halt.

”Jika jika jawa!” Stephen said, stepping back. ”Look at you!”

I looked down at the brackish water around my boots, a foot up. And a balloon of giddiness rose through me so that I felt like I was on a cloud.

I gripped my hands together and squealed, knowing that I sounded like a little girl and not caring.

”Walk!” Stephen urged, backing out of the water. ”Walk out of the water.”

So I did. And it was simple. I just put one foot in front of the other and I walked.

What would Mother say to this? In that moment, I didn't care. I was eighteen and I was bold and I was free.

And then I was also out of the water, standing on the bank. Staring up at Stephen, who wore a grin as wide as my own.

He stepped forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. ”That's my girl. I'm so proud of you, Eden.”

I didn't know what to say.

”Know that you are loved, my dear,” he said in soft voice. ”Know that you can and will rise above all of your fears. I now call you water walker.”

”Water walker?”

”You walked through the waters of fear, didn't you?”

Yes. I had, hadn't I? And that immediately brought to mind my other fears. Like being afraid to see Paul. What was wrong with seeing Paul?

”Do you think it's wrong of me to have a boyfriend?” I asked.

He stared at me, and at first I thought he would think the idea absurd. Who did I think I was, asking a stranger what he thought about such things?

But he didn't feel like a stranger, and when he answered, his voice was sincere.

”You're eighteen. In this country that gives you the right to make that decision for yourself.”

”It does.”

”Only you will know if that helps you or hurts you. Always remember one thing: G.o.d isn't a boat, or the water, or any boy for that matter. He's in your heart. Let go of your fears of this world and find him there.”

His eyes seemed to be melting me. I suddenly felt like I was going to cry.

He lifted his hand and held my shoulder in his gentle grasp. ”I wish I could save you from all of your troubles, my child. But you must walk the path before you and walk your own waters to the place where only love resides.”

He kissed my forehead, stepped pa.s.sed me, and bounded into the boat, which glided deeper into the lake.

”You're leaving?” I asked.

”So pleased to meet you, Eden. You give me courage. I have to go . . . Not to worry, I'm sure we'll see each other again.” He grinned wide. ”Go find yourself a boyfriend, you look like you could use some fun.”

And then he was rowing.

I watched him until he was around the corner, still glowing with courage at my accomplishment. It struck me that in just two days I had turned eighteen, I had been asked to be Paul's girlfriend, I made my first visit into the city, I had become very wealthy, I had met a new friend, and I had walked on water. Kind of.

What would Mother say?

The question jarred me and my eyes snapped wide. The ceiling, not the lake, hung in my vision. It had been a dream. Yes, of course, a dream.

But that was just it: it hadn't felt like a dream-not at all. And thinking about that, something else struck me: I was going to honor Paul's request and meet him at the field the next day during my free hour, wasn't I?

My heart was racing and my skin was wet with sweat. Yes, I was. I was eighteen, I could do that. I wanted to do that. In fact, I had to do that.

Mother will drown you if she founds out.