Part 21 (1/2)

Though I tried, I couldn't hide my excitement from Mother. But she was in quite a good mood herself and thankfully didn't press beyond a question or two as to why I went about with a smile on my face, humming.

I felt a little guilty for keeping my love for Paul to myself-after all, I had vowed to tell Mother if I was ever even tempted to be romantic with anyone.

But I was eighteen now, you see? That gave me certain rights. I was old enough to handle my guilt directly with G.o.d and not through my mother. And I didn't think he minded that I was in love with Paul.

That's what it was, right? Love. The thought made me dizzy. And if just a small kiss on my cheek felt like heaven, I wondered what being married to Paul would feel like. Didn't all girls my age think about marriage? They must, surely, and G.o.d had created marriage so he must not mind.

I couldn't remember a time when the whole family had been so happy. Bobby was happy because I was happy. Wyatt was happy because Kathryn was happy. Kathryn was happy because Zeke was happy. Zeke was happy because G.o.d had blessed us all with a lot of money, or so I figured.

Mother was in such a good mood, in fact, that when I told her I was going to go for a walk alone during my free time, she only gave me a word of caution to stay clear of any trouble and seemed satisfied with my a.s.surance that I would.

That was how I ended up on the gravel road for the second day in a row, this time without Bobby, who was occupied with building a miniature fort out of small wood blocks in his room. It was about ten minutes after four and I was a bundle of nerves, mostly good ones.

Taking that quarter of a mile walk all alone was unnerving, sure-the swamps were on either side and there was no one to warn me of any danger, like an alligator. But again, it was only like stepping out of the boat. I was a water walker now, wasn't I? That meant facing my fears to reach the sh.o.r.e.

But this time that sh.o.r.e was Paul and my stomach was full of b.u.t.terflies. Good b.u.t.terflies. Wonderful ones that made me lightheaded with exhilaration. It was strange how only a few days ago I had tortured myself for the very thoughts that now excited me so much. It was like a dam had burst and suddenly my life was flooded with newness.

I imagined the man from my dream would approve, even if he was just a figment of my imagination. Or maybe my true self, speaking some truth into myself.

The edge of the field came into view and I picked up my pace.

If the Outlaw could see me now, he would say, ”Jika jika jawa, Eden! Look at you go!”

And what would Mother say? But I already knew the answer to that, didn't I? She didn't like . . .

I saw the big black truck then, sitting out in the middle of the field, and I stopped cold. Zeke's truck.

My heart began to pound like a fist. I quickly glanced along the tree line, but didn't see Paul. Only Zeke, sitting behind the steering wheel, watching me.

My first thought was to run, because Zeke could only mean trouble. He'd come to punish me.

But that thought left as soon as it came, because I'd never been the kind to run from anything. I'd learned to face whatever was in front of me-it was better to pay the price than invite even more trouble.

Besides, who was to say that Zeke being here was trouble? Sure, the man made me cringe because I knew that he was the closest thing to G.o.d on earth and G.o.d always made me cringe. But maybe Zeke had come to thank me for my blessing.

That's what I told myself as I started toward the truck, too afraid to dare think anything else.

The driver's door swung open when I was twenty yards from the truck, and I stopped again, feeling totally exposed.

You shouldn't have come, Eden. You see what happens when you cross the line?

There was still no sign of Paul-only Zeke, who slowly climbed out of the truck, dressed in black slacks and a black b.u.t.ton-down s.h.i.+rt. He didn't look at me. He just walked around the crew cab to the back pa.s.senger door, and opened it. Then reached in and gave a hard yank.

Paul stumbled out of the truck, held up by Zeke who gripped his collar. I recognized him by his body and his hair but not by his face because it was swollen and bruised.

The blood drained from my face and I suddenly felt as though I was going to throw up. Paul's right eye was swollen, and there was a gash on his cheek, dried shut with blood.

He'd been beaten. Badly. His father had discovered our secret and had punished him. In the s.p.a.ce of one breath, my whole world came cras.h.i.+ng down around me because I knew that I had done this to Paul.

Zeke hauled Paul toward me, still holding him up by his collar as if he was nothing more than one of my straw dolls. He stopped by the front of the truck, eyes now burning a hole through me.

Paul was staring at the ground with his one good eye.

”Take a good look, Eden.” Zeke's voice was calm and cut straight to my heart. ”I can't say that I'm surprised by Paul; he always was a rebellious little t.u.r.d. But I'm deeply disappointed that you so fall so easily.”

I felt myself shrinking away to nothing under his glare. Guilt, the kind that made me feel like a worm, wiped away all of the courageous thoughts that had filled me with such happiness just a few minutes earlier. In that moment, I hated myself. It was all my fault. I should have known better.

Zeke jerked Paul backwards, nearly off his feet.

”Get back in the truck.”

Paul stumbled toward the cab, limped around the open door, and disappeared inside. He'd been too afraid to even look at me. I lifted my eyes to take in Zeke's hard stare as he strode toward me.

He's going to do the same to you, Eden. He's going to punish you and he should.

Zeke stopped within arm's reach, towering above me.

He's going slap you hard and hurt you bad.

But as I stared up into his eyes, ready for what I deserved, his face softened. His mouth formed a thin line-a half-smile.

He lifted his hand and gently brushed my hair back from my face. ”You're a very pretty girl. I wouldn't think of hurting you.” He paused. ”No. No, that wouldn't do.”

Zeke lowered his hand.

”Do you know why I punished Paul?”

I didn't think I could talk; my throat was in a knot.

”Please don't be rude, Eden. Answer me when I speak to you.”

I tried to tell him, but had to clear my throat. When I did speak, my voice sounded distant and frail.

”Because he disobeyed you.”

”And why is that a problem?”

”It's disobeying G.o.d.”

”That's a good girl. You see? You do know better.” He paced to his right, hands held loosely behind his back. Mine were trembling by my sides. I was already shutting down my mind-I had long ago learned that it was the easiest way to endure what couldn't be avoided.

”I give you an inch and you take a mile. Is that how a child of G.o.d returns their gratefulness for his blessing?”

He paced back to his left, eyes back on me.

”No, I don't think so. Clearly, you need to be reminded of a few things. The first is that I know everything that happens. Everything. There's nothing wrong with an innocent kiss, now is there? But breaking a rule isn't innocent. One rule becomes two and before you know it, you're burning with the rest of them. But you already know that, don't you, Eden?”