Part 22 (2/2)
We ate the rest of the meal in silence and Wyatt headed for the door as soon as Kathryn excused him.
”Bobby, go with your father.”
”We're going to the still?” he asked.
Wyatt flashed Bobby a smile. ”Wanna help me change a tire, boy?”
Bobby hopped off his chair and marched for the door as if to defend the fort against invading marauders.
”I can change the tire!”
”Of course you can.”
Wyatt gave me a glance of understanding and followed Bobby, who was already outside, raring to go.
Mother turned to me the moment the door closed, hands on her hips.
”What's wrong with you today? It's like you're not even here!”
”Sorry, Mother. I just . . .”
You see, already I was feeling guilty. And then angry that I was feeling guilty.
”You just what? Stand up. Have you lost your mind?”
I stood and stared at her, feeling my face flush red.
”That's right. You should feel ashamed.”
But it was anger, not shame, that heated my face.
”Well? Are you just going to stand there?” she demanded, expecting me to apologize.
I almost didn't. But my habits had grown too deep, like roots that had worked their way into every cell in my body.
”I'm sorry.”
She eyed me suspiciously for a spell.
”You've been weak all day, haven't you? In fact, you've been off since last night. I could see it when you went to bed. We accepted our blessing in baptism yesterday and you went to bed ungrateful and in a foul mood, didn't you?”
I've been in a foul mood all week, I wanted to say. But I didn't.
”You answer your mother when she asks you a question, Eden Lowenstein.”
So I did.
”Yes.”
”And you didn't bother to confess?” Her face grew red. ”What has gotten into you?”
”I don't know.” It was a lie, but I was past feeling guilty for such small sins. My true demons were far more frightening and were tearing me apart.
”Well you had better start knowing!” Mother glared at me and for a second I thought she was going to blow up, something she rarely did.
”I've given you too many liberties, haven't I?” she said. ”All this business of you turning eighteen and I've let my guard down.”
”No.”
”No? I think yes. I think your head's getting the better of you.”
I could see the wheels spinning behind her eyes. She was suddenly worried that I was going to ruin things for all of them, wasn't she? For her and Zeke. All they wanted was my money.
”You're hiding something from me, I can see it in your eyes.”
”I . . .” But I couldn't form a response. Anything I said would be a lie, and I suddenly couldn't bring myself to keep up the charade.
”You what? Speak up!” Mother snapped.
”I don't know.”
”Well that's a problem, isn't it?”
”I guess.”
”You guess? You guess? You can't do this to us, Eden! Not now. Not after all we've been through.” She began to pace in front of me, and concern replaced her anger. Genuine worry, I thought. She was as much a victim as me, but realizing this didn't calm me.
”What do you think Zeke would say to this?” she demanded, turning on me.
It was the way she pulled him in to the conversation that pushed me over the edge of the cliff I'd been desperately balancing on.
”Zeke?” I asked.
Your voice is too loud, Eden.
”Zeke?”
You're falling.
”Since when is Zeke more important to you than your own daughter?”
You're shouting, Eden.
My face was hot and my breathing was coming quick but I was past making any attempt to stuff my emotions. It was suddenly all boiling over and I didn't have the strength to stop it.
”Eden!”
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