Part 19 (1/2)

I took an early opportunity of addressing a few lines to Mr Francis, infor his counsel I waited a week, impatiently, for his reply, but in vain: well acquainted with his punctuality, and alarmed by this silence, I mentioned the step I had taken, and ue, who immediately repaired, hi it shut up, was inforland, a short ti to ence was a new shock toto the in any other occupation fitted to my talents I was received by some with civility, by others with coldness, but every one appeared too ive hireat exertion for others

I returned dispirited--I walked through the crowded city, and observed the anxious and busy faces of all around s, occupied in various pursuits, I seemed, as if in an immense desart, a solitary outcast fro to eht procure an honest independence, I beheld no path open to radation of servitude Hapless woman!--crushed by the iron hand of barbarous despotism, pampered into weakness, and trained the slave offrom the chill blasts of penury (which the pernicious habits of thy education have little fitted thy tender frame to encounter) thou listenest to the honied accents of the spoiler; and, to escape the galling chain of servile dependence, rushest into the career of infamy, from whence the false and cruel morality of the world forbids thy return, and perpetuates thy disgrace and misery! When will mankind be aware of the uniformity, of the importance, of truth? When will they cease to confound, by sexual, by political, by theological, distinctions, those immutable principles, which form the true basis of virtue and happiness? The paltry expedients of co error with error, and prejudice with prejudice, in one invariable and melancholy circle, have already been sufficiently tried, have already been deainst man, and filled the world with crientle nature of Reform been mistated! 'One false idea,' justly says an acute and philosophic writer,[20] 'united with others, produces such as are necessarily false; which, coive to all a tinge of falsehood One error, alone, is sufficient to infect the whole mass of the mind, and produce an infinity of capricious, monstrous, notions--Every vice is the error of the understanding; crimes and prejudices are brothers; truth and virtue sisters These things, known to the wise, are hid from fools!'

[Footnote 20: Helvetius]

Without a sufficiently interesting pursuit, a fatal torpor stole over h ue, in the intervals froht me books, read to me, chatted with me, pressed me to accompany him to places of public entertaination) I invariably refused

I received his civilities with the less scruple, froee of ht, precluded every idea of a renewal of those sentiments he had formerly professed for me

In return for his friendshi+p, I tried to srateful sensibility of his kindness: but, while he appeared to take a lively interest in e in which he had once addressedinto a sentied me to practise more reserve: he was not insensible of this, and was frequently betrayed into transient bursts of passion and resentle to repress, and afterwards absent himself for a tithe pressure of soth, on selling the su a life annuity

Recollecting the name of a banker, hom my uncle, the friend of my infancy, had for upon him, made myself known as the niece of an old and worthy friend; at the sa him with my intentions--He offered to transact the affair for , then, in a very favourable position; and to preserve theit out to advantage I gave hi of this business, and returned to htened This scheme had never before occurred to me The banker, as a man of coht now be sold out with little loss; and that, by purchasing an annuity, on proper security, at seven or eight per cent, I ht, with oeconomy, be enabled to support myself decently, with comfort and independence

CHAPTER XVIII

Soht indisposition confinedto ht with hi an to read so the articles of horaph stated--'The failure of a considerable e, as, it was apprehended, some important consequences would follow in the co-house, it was hinted, not many miles from ----, was likely to be affected, by some rumours, in connection with this business, which had occasioned a considerable run upon it for the last two or three days'

My attention was roused--I eagerly held out ain and again, without observing the surprize expressed in the countenance of Montague, as at a loss to conceive why this intelligence should be affecting to ht, till a question from my companion, several times repeated, occasioned me to start I immediately recollected roundless I was about to explain the nature of the done so sooner, and availed , put a letter into his hand

Looking upon the seal and superscription, he changed colour, and opened it hastily Strong earded him with anxiety He rose from his seat, walked up and down the room with a disordered pace--opened the door, as if with an intention of going out--shut it--returned back again--threw himself into a chair--covered his face with his handkerchief--appeared in great agitation--and burst into tears I arose, went to him, and took his hand--'_My friend!_' said I--I would have added so more--but, unable to proceed, I sunk into a seat beside him, and wept in sympathy

He pressed my hand to his lips--folded me wildly in his arms, and atteently withdrew myself, and waited, in silence, till the violence of his emotions should subside He held out to me the letter he had received I perused it It contained an account of the sudden death of his father, and a summons for his immediate return to the country, to settle the affairs, and to take upon him his father's professional employment

'You leavefriend!'

'_Never!_'--he replied, e uttered so improper, so selfish, a re the perils of my own situation, in attention to that of this ardent, but affectionate, young s were acute and violent for so which he quitted me only at the hours of repose--I devoted reatly indebted to his friendshi+p and kindness, and I endeavoured to repay the obligation He appeared fully sensible of ments expressions of a tenderness, so lively, and unequivocal, as obliged uarded in my behaviour

In consideration for the situation of Mr Montague--I had forgotten the paragraph in the paper, till an accidental intelligence of the bankruptcy of the house, in which my little fortune was entrusted, confirue was sitting with me when I received the unwelcomy eyes to heaven--'What is to become of me now?--The measure of my sorrows is filled up!'

It was some time before I had power to explain the circumstances to my companion

'Do not distress yourself, uardian--' (and he added, in a low, yet fervent, accent) --'_your husband_!'

'No--no--no!' answered I, shaking my head, 'that must not, cannot, be!

I would perish, rather than take advantage of a generosity like yours I will go to service--I ork for my bread--and, if I cannot procure a wretched sustenance--_I can but die_! Life, tobeen worthless!'