Volume Ii Part 67 (1/2)

And Lamme, speaking to the monk:

”Wilt thou still say, 'big man'? Thou art bigger than I. Who made thee seven meals a day? I. Whence cometh it, bawler, that now thou art quieter, milder towards the poor Beggars?”

And continuing further:

”If thou dost stay another year encaged, thou wilt not be able to come out again: thy cheeks quiver like pork jelly when thou dost move: thou criest no longer already; soon thou wilt not be able to breathe.”

”Hold thy peace, big man,” said the monk.

”Big man,” said Lamme, becoming furious; ”I am Lamme Goedzak, thou art Broer Dikzak, Vetzak, Leugenzak, Slokkenzak, Wulpszak, the friar big sack, grease sack, lying sack, cram sack, l.u.s.t sack: thou hast four fingers deep of fat under thy skin, thy eyes can be seen no longer: Ulenspiegel and I would both lodge comfortably within the cathedral of thy belly! Thou didst call me big man; wilt thou have a mirror to study thy Bellyness? 'Tis I that fed thee, thou monument of flesh and bone. I have sworn that thou wouldst spit grease, sweat grease, and leave behind thee spots of grease like a candle melting in the sun. They say that apoplexy cometh with the seventh chin; thou hast five and a half by now.”

Then to the Beggars:

”Look at this lecher! 'tis Broer Cornelis Adriaensen Rascalsen, of Bruges: there he preached the new modesty. His grease is his punishment; his grease is my work. Hear now, all ye sailors and soldiers: I am about to leave you, to leave thee, thee, Ulenspiegel, to leave thee, too, thee, little Nele, to go to Flus.h.i.+ng where I have property, to live there with my poor wife that I have found again. Of yore ye took an oath to grant me all that I might ask of you....”

”On the word of the Beggars,” said they.

”Then,” said Lamme, ”look on this lecher, this Broer Adriaensen Rascalsen of Bruges; I swore to make him die of fatness like a hog; construct a wider cage, force him to take twelve meals a day instead of seven; give him a rich and sugared diet: he is like an ox already; see that he be like an elephant, and ye will soon see him fill the cage.”

”We shall fatten him,” said they.

”And now,” went on Lamme, speaking to the monk, ”I bid thee also adieu, rascal, thee whom I cause to be fed monkishly instead of having thee hanged: grow in grease and in apoplexy.”

Then taking his wife Calleken in his arms:

”Look, growl or bellow, I take her from thee; thou shalt whip her never more.”

But the monk, falling in a fury and speaking to Calleken:

”Thou art going away then, carnal woman, to the bed of l.u.s.t! Aye, thou goest without pity for the poor martyr for the word of G.o.d, that taught thee the holy, sweet, celestial discipline. Be accursed! May no priest give thee absolution; may earth be burning underneath thy feet; may sugar be salt to thee; may beef be as dead dog to thee; may thy bread be ashes; may the sun be ice to thee, and the snow h.e.l.l fire; may thy child-bearing be accursed; may thy children be detestable; may they have the bodies of apes, pigs' heads greater than their bellies; mayst thou suffer, weep, moan in this world and in the other, in the h.e.l.l that awaits thee, the h.e.l.l of sulphur and bitumen kindled for females such as thou art. Thou didst refuse my fatherly love: be thrice accursed by the Blessed Trinity, seven times accursed by the candlesticks of the Ark; may confession be to thee d.a.m.nation; may the Host to thee be mortal poison, and may every paving stone in the church rise up to crush thee and say to thee: 'This woman is the fornicator, this woman is accursed, this woman is d.a.m.ned'.”

And Lamme, rejoicing, jumping for joy, said:

”She was faithful; he said it, the monk: hurrah for Calleken!”

But she, weeping and trembling:

”Remove it,” she said, ”my man, remove this curse from over me. I see h.e.l.l! Remove the curse!”

”Take off the curse,” said Lamme.

”I will not, big man,” rejoined the monk.

And the woman remained all pale and swooning, and on her knees with hands folded she besought Broer Adriaensen.

And Lamme said to the monk:

”Take off thy curse, else thou shalt hang, and if the rope breaks because of thy weight, thou shalt be hanged again and again until death ensues.”