Part 2 (1/2)

Thou must be true thyself If thou the truth wouldst teach.

Thy soul must overflow if thou Another soul wouldst reach.

It needs the overflowing heart To give the lips full speech.

Think truly, and thy thought Shall the world's famine feed.

Speak truly, and thy word Shall be a fruitful seed.

Live truly, and thy life shall be A great and n.o.ble creed.

CHAPTER IV.

FRIENDS.

By friends we mean those whom we admit to the inner circle of our acquaintance.--All of us know many people. We are bound to do so; to meet with men of all cla.s.ses, sects, beliefs, opinions. But with most of us there are a few persons who stand to us in a different relation from the rest. We are intimate with them. We take pleasure in their company; we tell them our thoughts: we speak to them of things we would not speak of to others; we confide in them, and in joy and in sorrow it is to them we go. It is of this inner circle, and of those we ought to admit to it, that we have now to speak.

Friends.h.i.+p has been regarded in all ages as one of the most important relations.h.i.+ps of life.--Cicero, who dedicates an essay to it says that ”it is the only thing on the importance of which mankind are agreed.”

It has been defined by Addison, the great English writer, as ”a strong habitual inclination in two persons to promote the good and happiness of each other.” It has been termed by another ”the golden thread that ties the hearts of the world.” ”A faithful friend” has been called ”the medicine of life.” Ambrose, one of the Christian Fathers, says, ”It is the solace of this life to have one to whom you can open your heart, and tell your secrets; to win to yourself a faithful man, who will rejoice with you in suns.h.i.+ne, and weep in showers. It is easy and common to say, 'I am wholly thine,' but to find it true is as rare.”

And Jeremy Taylor, the great preacher, calls friends.h.i.+p ”the ease of our pa.s.sions, the discharge of our oppressions, the sanctuary to our calamities, the counsellor of our doubts, the charity of our minds, the emission of our thoughts, the exercise and improvement of what we meditate.” The great preachers, philosophers and poets of all time have dwelt on the importance and sweetness of friends.h.i.+p. The _In Memoriam_ of Tennyson is a glorification of this relations.h.i.+p.

The highest of all examples of friends.h.i.+p is to be found in Christ.--”His behaviour in this beautiful relations.h.i.+p is the very mirror in which all true friends.h.i.+p must see and mirror itself.” [1]

In His life we see the blessings of companions.h.i.+p in good. ”He loved Martha, and her sister, and Lazarus.” He had intimate friends in His group of disciples. Peter and James and John stood to Him in this relation. They were taken by Him into scenes which the rest of the disciples did not behold. They knew a friends.h.i.+p with Him unenjoyed by the others. And of that inner circle there was one to whom the soul of Jesus clung with peculiar tenderness--the beloved disciple. Human friends.h.i.+p has been consecrated for us all by this example of Christ.

He offers himself to every one of us as a _friend_: ”Ye are my friends if ye do whatsoever I command you.”

There are two things which specially show the importance of friends.h.i.+p:

(_a_) It is regarded by others _as a test of our character_. The worth of a man will always be rated by his companions. The proverbs of all nations show this. ”A man is known by the company he keeps.” ”Like draws to like.” ”Birds of a feather flock together.” If our companions are worthless, the verdict of society regarding us will be that we are worthless ourselves. This verdict may not in all cases be true, but the probability is that it will be true. If we are admitted to the friends.h.i.+p of men of honor, integrity and principle, people will come to believe in us. We would not, they will feel, be admitted into that society unless we were in sympathy with those who compose it. If we wish, therefore, that a good opinion should be formed regarding us by others, we need to be especially careful as to those with whom we a.s.sociate closely and whom we admit to intimate friends.h.i.+p.

(_b_) Friends have a special power in _moulding our character_. George Herbert's saying is true, ”Keep good company, and you shall be of their number.” It is difficult, on the other hand, to be much with the silly and foolish without being silly and foolish also. It is the common explanation of a young man's ruin that he got among bad companions. We may go into a certain society confident that we will hold our own, and that we can come out of it as we go in; but, as a general rule, we will find ourselves mistaken. The man of the strongest individuality comes sooner or later to be affected by those with whom he is intimate.

There is a subtle influence from them telling upon him that he cannot resist. He will inevitably be moulded by it. Here also the proverbs of the world point the lesson. ”He who goes with the lame,” says the Latin proverb, ”will begin to limp.” ”He who herds with the wolves,”

says the Spanish, ”will learn to howl.” ”Iron sharpeneth iron,” says the scriptural proverb, ”so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” The rapidity of moral deterioration in an evil companions.h.i.+p is its most startling feature. It is appalling to see how soon an evil companions.h.i.+p will transform a young man, morally pure, of clean and wholesome life, into an unclean, befouled, trifling good-for-nothing.

Lightning scarcely does its work of destruction quicker, or with more fell purpose.

It is difficult to give precise rules in regard to the formation of friends.h.i.+p. ”A man that hath friends,” says Solomon, ”must show himself friendly.” The man of a generous and sympathetic nature will have many friends, and will attract to himself companions of his own character. A few suggestions, however, founded on practical experience, may be offered for our guidance.

I. We should be (_a_) slow to make friends.h.i.+ps, and (_b_) slow to break them when made.--(_a_) It is in the nature of some to take up with people very readily. Some young men are like fish that rise readily to a gaudy and many-colored fly. If they see anything that attracts them in another they admit him at once to their confidence.

It should not be so. Among the reported and traditional sayings of Christ, there is one that is full of wisdom: ”Be good money changers.”

As a money changer rings the coin on his counter to test it, so we should test men well before we make them our friends. There should be a narrow wicket leading into the inner circle of our social life at which we should make them stand for examination before they are admitted. An old proverb says, ”Before you make a friend, eat a peck of salt with him.” We should try before we trust; and as we should be careful whom we receive, we should be equally careful whom we part with. ”Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not.” With some, very little severs the bond of friends.h.i.+p. They are always changing their companions. They are ”Hail fellow, well met,” with one to-day, and cold and distant to-morrow. Inconstancy in friends.h.i.+p is a bad sign. It generally arises from readiness to admit to intimacy without sufficient examination. The friends.h.i.+p that is quickly cemented is easily dissolved. Fidelity is the very essence of true friends.h.i.+p; and, once broken, it cannot be easily renewed. Quarrels between friends are the bitterest and the most lasting. Broken friends.h.i.+p may be soldered, but never made sound.

Alas! they had been friends in youth, But whispering tongues can poison truth.

They parted, ne'er to meet again, But never either found another To free the hollow heart from paining.

They stood aloof, the scars remaining, Like cliffs which had been rent asunder; A dreary sea now flows between.