Part 6 (1/2)

I wasn't sure what the machine did but I knew that somehow Dr. Silvers was drilling into my mind. I'd have vivid dreams, frighteningly real dreams, that seemed to come from someone else. I knew things that I hadn't known, and had forgotten other things altogether. I lowered my head and rubbed my temples. Trying to make sense of anything just made my head hurt worse. I didn't know why they just didn't kill me and be done with it.

Footsteps echoed down the corridor. It wasn't just combat boots on the cold concrete floor, though. I heard the click of pumps and the shuffling of sneakers. I didn't move as they unlocked my door. I didn't stand up. I merely looked up dispa.s.sionately, and wondered what they wanted with me now.

Smoot entered first, followed by Davis. They were dressed in black fatigues and black combat boots. Smoot drew a taser from a brown plastic thigh holster and leveled it at me. A red laser dot appeared on my chest. He fanned out to the side, keeping the laser on me, as Davis went the other way, armed with a baton. There was another guard waiting in the hall as backup.

Dr. Silvers entered the room next, rolling her eyes and shaking her head slightly at the overt display of force. It was plain to see that she held her security force in some contempt. As usual, she was dressed in slacks, a turtleneck sweater, and low pumps. A wrinkled white lab coat completed her look, as if she were beating us all over the head with the fact that she was a doctor of some sort.

Behind her was Neville, her a.s.sistant and toady. A thin, wiry man with unkempt hair, Neville had a nasal voice and seemed extremely awkward in all of his interactions with other people, especially the guards. When she didn't have him doing other things, he followed Dr. Silvers around like a beaten dog, espousing plat.i.tudes about her brilliance. I couldn't tell if she enjoyed his sycophancy or merely tolerated it.

She stood over me for a moment without saying anything. This whole thing was very unusual. I couldn't remember the last time I'd talked to her when I wasn't doped up or restrained.

”I'm not going to get up, if that's what you're waiting for.”

She didn't respond. She just exchanged a glance with Neville, then crouched down so she could be face to face with me. ”How are you feeling today, Michael?”

I blinked rapidly. ”How am I feeling?”

”It's a simple question.”

”I feel like I went on a bender, ate a bunch of mushrooms, then got roofied. What the h.e.l.l have you been doing to me?”

Dr. Silvers did something unusual then. She kicked her shoes off, then sat cross-legged on the floor, facing me, like she was addressing a frightened child. The two guards looked at each other with stupid expressions on their faces.

”When you first arrived,” Dr. Silvers began, ”my organization was in a state of panic. My superiors didn't know what to do with you. Project Heartbreaker had utterly failed. Then the worst breach of information security in our organization's history occurred. It quickly became apparent that your Dead Six superior, Curtis Hunter, was the man who compiled all of that damaging information. From that information, though, we learned that Gordon Willis had betrayed us and was secretly in league with Eduard Montalban. The team sent to bring in Willis found him dead by your hand. Tell me, Michael, what were we to think?”

I didn't say anything.

Dr. Silvers didn't let my lack of partic.i.p.ation in the conversation faze her. ”As I said, they were in a state of panic. Gordon Willis had proceeded on Project Blue without any authorization from our superiors.”

”I don't know what Project Blue is,” I managed weakly. I'd told them that a hundred times.

”I know you don't, Michael. Unfortunately, you killed Gordon Willis, the last man we could locate that knew anything about Project Blue. My superiors were convinced you were in on his plot with the Montalbans.”

”I'm not in on anything,” I said. ”I killed Gordon because he f.u.c.king deserved it.”

Dr. Silvers put an icy hand on my forearm in an attempt to be comforting. I almost flinched at her touch. ”I know that now. We've learned everything you know and it isn't anything more than we already know. The only other people alive who might know, like your friend Bob Lorenzo, have gone to ground.”

My heart dropped into my stomach. I didn't remember ever telling her about Bob. I had been sure that despite everything they'd done to me, I hadn't given him up. I was wrong. I'd betrayed him. Who else had I given up? Hawk? Ling? Lorenzo? Well, screw Lorenzo, but Jill? I felt sick, and lowered my eyes. Dr. Silvers regarded me silently for a few moments, until I was able to speak.

”I don't understand,” I managed. ”Why am I still here? I told you I didn't know what you wanted to know. What do you want from me?”

”To be honest, we established that you'd been telling us the truth some time ago. We so desperately hoped you could tell us who Colonel Hunter's Evangeline was. Once it became apparent that you were of no value in that regard, my superiors wanted you liquidated. Just one more loose end tied up.”

”Then why haven't you killed me yet?”

Dr. Silvers leaned in closer. She stared me in the eyes. ”Because you have such potential, Michael. You are an exceptional individual, and you've already done great things for our organization. Your record from Project Heartbreaker is phenomenal. The fact that you survived Gordon Willis' attempt to sanitize the operation speaks volumes about your abilities, to say nothing of the fact that you managed to track him down and kill him all on your own. All of that natural talent, that drive, needn't go to waste.”

My eyes grew wide. I was afraid. The clouded memories, the strange impulses, the vivid dreams and lucid nightmares. ”What . . . what the h.e.l.l are you doing to me?”

Dr. Silvers smiled at me for the first time. ”Nothing you didn't agree to when you signed your contract, Michael. I'm just protecting our investment.”

”I hate you.”

”I know. That will pa.s.s in time. You'll see.”

Anger pulsed through me. Every muscle in my body tightened. ”Someday, I'm going to kill you.”

She gently placed a cold hand on my cheek, like a mother comforting an upset child. ”I very much doubt that.”

I drifted in darkness, not sure if I was asleep or awake, or even if I was alive or dead. Images pa.s.sed through my mind, fragments of memories, out of order, disconnected, adrift. They were but moments in time, seemingly unrelated to one another, but somehow I knew they were all mine.

I saw my father when I was young. He was giving me a tour of his airplane, the ma.s.sive B-52 he flew for the Air Force. I was sitting in his seat, the navigator's seat, marveling at all of the dials and b.u.t.tons and screens, an anachronistic mix of three decades of technological development. Then I was standing in a cemetery, looking down on my father's grave. It was raining, and the little American flag placed on it had fallen over. I was repairing a fence line with my mother, on the back twenty acres of our farm. A tree had fallen over and broken one of our fence posts, tearing down the electric fence with it. I was a teenager, and I carried off pieces of the tree as she cut them with a chainsaw. She put the saw down, wiped her brow, and smiled. There was something wrong with her face. There was blood. Her eyes were locked open, wide, her face a mask in death. I tried to close my eyes and look away, but the moment was lost and the sadness faded with it.

I was lost in the darkness for a long time. Moments of my life came and went, each time growing blurrier, more distant, until it felt like I was watching someone else's life.

I was sitting on a couch next to Sarah. She was playing video games against Tailor in Zubara. She was better at them than I was, and Tailor was getting increasingly, comically irritated, and kept insisting that girls weren't supposed to be good at video games. Hudson and Wheeler were there, laughing, making fun of Tailor just to get him riled up. I looked over at her as she concentrated on the screen, and my heart moved. She was gorgeous, and she didn't know it. She thought her nose was too big and was self-conscious about it. She worried about her appearance, but she was beautiful, and I loved her.

From the back of the van, I watched helplessly as Sarah shot a Zubaran soldier through the window. The soldier fired too. Wheeler was. .h.i.t. The Zubaran solider died. Wheeler died too. He was slumped over the steering wheel, unmoving. Sarah looked at me, as if asking me to do something, to fix it, but there was nothing to be done.

She was in my arms, warm and soft, I held her tightly, and I was afraid. I was afraid we'd never leave Zubara alive. I was afraid that I'd be the death of her, like I seemed to be for everyone else in my life. I wanted to push her away, tried to push her away, but my heart couldn't bear it.

She stayed with me. She stayed with me and it cost her life. It was raining. We were running. Gunfire was coming from every direction. I was. .h.i.t in the leg and I fell. Sarah stopped and turned, coming back for me. I screamed at her to keep going, but she didn't listen. She was. .h.i.t. I crawled to her, but she was already dead. There was blood. I wanted to die with her. I was ready to die. It was my time. In that moment I felt relief, as if a great weight had been lifted from my soul. It was over.

Somehow I could see myself, from above, like I was flying above my own body. My clothing was muddy and torn. Sarah's body was next to mine. My arm reached out for her, but she was too far away. There was someone else then, a dark figure moving quickly, pulling me away from Sarah.

Lorenzo. I met him again, but I couldn't remember when or where. We fought together later, I dimly recalled. We shared something, a bond that kept our fates lashed together. Death followed us everywhere we went. It took everyone around us, but kept pa.s.sing us over. If anyone deserved to die more than me, it was Lorenzo. But somehow, we both managed to survive. It wasn't fair. It wasn't right. But even though I was ready to die, even though I promised Sarah I'd stay with her until the end, Lorenzo saved my life. I hated him for it.

My body moved slightly, and I became aware of it once again. I was still immersed in the darkness, but I retained my corporeal form. I felt warmth on my back as I slowly gained awareness. I realized I was laying on my back. It was like that fleeting, lucid moment between sleeping and awake, when you can still see your dreams but know they're not real.

A woman was singing quietly. I couldn't make out the words, but the voice was familiar. It was Ling. Ling was singing, not for me so much as for herself, but I remember clinging to the sound once. She was pulling me up by my vest, helping me out of a wrecked helicopter. She was standing in pale light in an empty construction site, her dark eyes impossible to read. She was standing over me when I awoke on a s.h.i.+p. The wind was in her hair as she sat on a rock, with the ocean cras.h.i.+ng ash.o.r.e behind her. I wonder where she is? The singing faded quickly. The images grew blurry. Her voice was gone, replaced with the hum of the machine and the sound of water going down a drain. A noise resonated somewhere in the distance, and suddenly I felt cold. I began to s.h.i.+ver.

The light was blinding. It appeared suddenly, white light so bright it hurt my eyes. My face and ears burned as the mask was pulled off my head. My eyes wouldn't focus, and I could barely move, but I could hear again.

”Dr. Silvers! D . . . Dr. Silvers!” Neville whined. I hated the sound of his voice. ”Look at these numbers!”

”I can see them from here,” Dr. Silvers sounded tired. ”Wait . . . is he conscious?”

Neville sounded pensive. ”He shouldn't be. I don't see . . . oh my. Yes, he's definitely awake.”

I tried to sit up. Neville gasped. Dr. Silvers called for the guards, and I was pushed back into the tank. Exhausted, confused, blind, and in pain, I let myself slip from consciousness. I had nothing left in me.

A fleeting thought pa.s.sed through my mind, a surge of anger so intense it startled me: I'm going to kill you all.

You're a natural born killer, boy.

Chapter 4: Golden Manatee Nights.