Part 11 (1/2)
Grief wasn't logical; it was a process. Denial. Anger. Lily wasn't the type to bargain or suffer depression. She was also a long way from acceptance.
Jonas quietly dressed as Lily continued to rock and cry.
Her head snapped up, and she glared at him accusingly. ”How long have you known? How did you know?”
”My police contact rang this morning. They're now investigating a double murder.”
Her tears had stopped, but her face was still deathly pale. ”You spoke to the police this morning and you waited until now to tell me?” She used the side of the bed to aid her as she moved back up onto her feet. ”What the h.e.l.l were you thinking?”
He shrugged. ”What would you have done differently if I had told you six hours ago?”
”Well, I wouldn't have spent all day in bed with you, for one thing! But maybe that's why you didn't tell me?” she scoffed. ”If we'd gone back to town this morning, as you knew I would want to do-”
”What purpose would that serve?”
”-then today would never have happened, and once we were back in town, the opportunity may never have arisen again.”
”Stop it, Lily.” Jonas stood to grasp her arms and shake her slightly.
”That's it, isn't it?” she continued wildly. ”You wanted to make sure you f.u.c.ked me before I insisted we return to London and I was swallowed up by events and my brothers.”
”Don't flatter yourself.” Jonas pushed her away from him. Her words stung, in spite of his having prepared himself for her outburst. ”You wanted what happened today. You've been wanting it since we first met. Curious to f.u.c.k the savage-” He broke off with a wince as her cheeks became even paler. ”We have to stop this,” he groaned. ”Hurting each other isn't helping anything.”
”It isn't possible to hurt you.” Her eyes flashed with scorn. ”You're made of steel and bone, not flesh and blood.”
Jonas bit back his reply, knowing it would only escalate the argument to even more hurtful comments. The two of them had already said more than enough to each other.
Because Lily was wrong. He could be hurt. He was hurting now. He had opened himself up to her today. When they made love. When he held her afterward and the two of them had fallen asleep in each other's arms. He had bared his soul, if not his heart, and Lily had thrown that back in his face.
Even now, Jonas could feel the protective barriers falling back into place over his emotions, until he was once again that man of steel and bone Lily had accused him of being.
”I want to go back to town,” she insisted stubbornly.
”And I said what purpose will it serve? The police are investigating. What do you think you can do that they can't, other than put yourself back in danger?”
”I can't just sit here and do nothing, Jonas. It feels wrong. I feel responsible-”
”That ridiculous, and you know it.”
Her mouth firmed. ”I'm going back, with or without you.”
Jonas knew she was capable of doing it too, that she would walk all the way back to London if she had to. ”Then I'm coming with you.”
She glanced out the window. ”Will your vehicle be able to get through the snow?”
He could say no and put an end to this right now. Except for the fact he knew Lily would walk out of here. ”The SUV has snow chains and four-wheel drive.”
She nodded. ”Then we need to go now.”
His jaw tightened. ”You need to dress and eat first, and then I'll drive us back to town.”
”I'm not hungry.”
”I am.”
”Then you eat.” She turned away.
”You're going to eat too-we have no idea what's waiting for us when we get back to town, or when you'll get to eat again. You'll eat now,” he repeated flatly.
Lily knew better than to argue with Jonas when he used that particular tone. He wasn't even attempting to disguise the steel with his usual calm.
All she could think about was that Evan was dead.
She still couldn't believe it.
He was so young, only twenty-seven. He and Todd had been dating for a year and talking about getting married.
Todd must be heartbroken. Inconsolable.
She knew the way he had behaved outside the theater yesterday wasn't the real Todd, that he had been worried about Evan.
Justifiably, as it turned out.
”I didn't come back to London to move into Knight House with you,” Lily repeated stubbornly, as she could see her eldest brother was about to insist she do exactly that.
She had done as Jonas instructed earlier and tried to eat some of the pizza he had cooked for them both, only to then break down and start crying again when she remembered the last pizza she had eaten had been shared with Evan. All she could think about was that he was dead and would never eat another pizza. Ever.
Jonas hadn't insisted she eat again but had quietly cleaned up and then announced it was time for them to leave.
The walk in the darkness back to the car had been made in silence. The drive back to town too, apart from the occasional sob Lily hadn't been able to suppress. Jonas was too busy concentrating on keeping the SUV on the road to make conversation, the snow falling once again, as had been forecasted.
The argument had started again once they were back in the city and Jonas had told her he was driving her to Gabriel's house. Lily had wanted to go to her apartment. As Jonas was driving, he had won that argument.
Gabriel had obviously been waiting for them. The front door had opened and her brother stood silhouetted in the doorway, before they even had time to get out of the vehicle. Lily had shot Jonas an accusing glare as she preceded the two men inside the house to Gabriel's study, guessing that he must have telephoned her brother before they left his home in the forest, probably while she was repacking her things.
”Lily is staying with me,” Jonas now said evenly, Gabriel seated behind his desk, Lily and Jonas seated opposite him.
”The f.u.c.k she is-”
”Like h.e.l.l I am!”
Lily and Gabriel both protested at the same time.
Jonas calmly met two pairs of glaring green eyes. ”I was hired to do a job. I'm not quitting before the job is finished.”
”You aren't quitting, you're being fired,” Lily came back challengingly.
He shrugged. ”You can't fire me.”
”But I can,” Gabriel growled.