Part 16 (1/2)

Even though there are no pictures of heat and no one dies instantly as they ht in a storm, in some ways heat may be worse than other natural disasters In ters like houses and cars, the hurricane and the flood are worse, but when you're talking about the huether and work shoulder to shoulder with a great sense of caht the effects of a flood or a snowstorm, but in oppressive heat all effort is impossible

Half a dozen memories of the worst heat I've ever experienced coets hot

My first , North Carolina, in August I will never forget having to stand at attention for hours on the red clay drill field on that one-hundred-degree day The coly slow inspection tour of the full field packs we had laid out on the ground, and our company was the one he caround so they'd be carried off

Later in World War II, I fleith the Eighth Air Force on bo raids over Germany and I traveled across Europe with the First Aro to bed at night, I often toss and turn without being able to go to sleep for as long as fifteen or twenty seconds Insoo to sleep when I'o to sleep when I have one too few blankets overthat keeps me awake, and that's heat

Late at night in those early Ar about ice water One night I couldn't stand it any longer I got up, waited for the guard on duty in the company street to pass, then I slipped out the door and crawled under the barracks The barracks were built on stilts, and there was plenty of room to walk in a Neat People 243 243 low crouch Underneath, I th of the barracks to the next couard to pass It was as though I was a German infiltrator about to blow up the base, but all I wanted was ice water

I made e It was 2 am by then and the PX had closed at nine But there was soht as they cleaned up, they duround outside the back door I finally arrived, undetected, and there it was, just as I had hoped Cakes of ice that had originally been so big that even in the heat they were still huge chunks glistened I took two cakes so big I had to hold them braced on either hip It was cold and wet but wonderful, as the icy water soaked through et back to the barracks and lad to see me As a matter of fact, I do not recall a tireat a hero to so many people

We broke the ice into pieces, filled our canteen cups with them and then added water For more than an hour, ten of us sat silently on our bunks in the sweltering heat, drinking that beautiful ice water

I'ed class who lives and works s For us, hot weather is like a heavy rainstoret out of our air-conditioned car and rush a short distance to an air-conditioned house During the workday weto air-conditioned building, as if to keep fro wet in the rainstor subjected to awful heat, and I alish I could bring them ice water

Neat People N eat people are s individuals who keep accurate checkbooks, get ahead in life and keep their cellars, their attics and their garages free of treasured possessions They just don't see, those neat people If they can't use it or freeze it, they throw it away I detest neat people I was in a neat person's hoo and he took , because there was nothing down there but a few neatly stored screens and the oil burner

I feel toward neat people the sahtest kid in our class, as also a good athlete and handsome

My dislike for the tidies of the world is particularly strong this week because I realized Sunday that , my workshop looks like a triple-decker club sandith tools on top of wood on top of plans on top of sandpaper on top of tools on top of wood If I need a Phillips screwdriver, it's easier to go out and buy a new one than to find any of the three I already own

How do neat people do it? I hate them so much I don't want any help from them, but I would like to follow one around so, that's how they keep everything so neat They probably do all sorts of du They probably knohich shelf everything is on in the refrigerator; they could probably put their finger on the nozzle to the garden hose

What do you do with all that stuff I have cluttering my cellar, Neat People? Did you throay the hammer with the broken handle? Mine is still down there

What about the twenty feet of leftover aerial wire and the s? Don't tell me you were so heartless that you tossed that out You don't even appreciate the fact that you never knohen you're going to have a good use for an e That's how dumb you Neat People are I, on the other hand, have been ready with an e it's been in the cellar, right there in the way if I ever need it

You probably throw out broken plates and glass pitchers that can't be repaired, don't you? Tell the truth I don't I keep broken plates because I can't stand to throw thelue that will really lue will now

Many years ago a ave me a bushel basket of odds and ends of rosewood They're beautiful little pieces and I've never figured out what to do with the the

My wife says the old bookcase I took out of the twins' rooets a little neat every once in a while herself Thank goodness that never happens to me That's why I still have that bookcase

We have four children and I' much money, but should I ever die, I'd like to leave the kids so I have nineteen cans of partly used paint, so fro over o, so I think I'llthe June is the beginning of the ti I often spend 20 hours a week inthe summer months It seems like an awful lot of time now that I've written it down If I sleep for 42 hours a week and drive for 20, thatfor 62 of the 168 hours in a week Maybe we better get a weekend place nearer ho is that you often do it in a state of agitation I'm not usually very relaxed when I drive because I'uy behind me or the woman in front of me or the truck that just cut ry than sleepy when I' slowly to be safe When I' that's going on I'et that dirty so-and-so who cut in front of reater htly above, the speed limit The slow drivers sit there, slue that they are safe drivers but they're wrong They're the ones who don't kno to et out of their oay They cause the rest of us to pile into so to avoid them

You can tell I'itated state I just drove 150 miles from upstate New York to New York City and it was the kind of drive that makes you wonder whether the weekend orth it

I confess to being a couely irritated when someone passes ht to do it The chances are, though, that he doesn't have a legal right because I' as fast as the law allows, or faster What irritates hway is that there are some nuts on't let you maintain a reasonable distance between your car and the car in front of you If you do leave a sensible opening, so and cuts into it and then you have to drop four or five car lengths behind hiround and it makes you mad I think this is the cause of a lot of accidents People tailgate because they don't want anyone getting in between them and the car ahead When there's a sudden stop or slon, it can be too late to brake to a stop before hitting the car you're following

The singlehabit Ahways is their practice of hitting the right turn signal just after they've started to turn right By then, you kno they're turning right What you would have liked is some indication of their intentions a few hundred yards back It would have helped you ood to hit the turn signal after they've started their turn? they're turning right What you would have liked is some indication of their intentions a few hundred yards back It would have helped you ood to hit the turn signal after they've started their turn?

[i, the principal e driver is the panel truck I don't knohere they get the people who drive panel trucks Every year there are a lot of race drivers who fail to qualify for the Indianapolis 500 Maybe they all take jobs driving panel trucks in cities They're trying to ain next year

The average driver puts 10,000 hway Administration statistics One statistic I'd like to see that no one has kept is, how much I've paid out in automobile insurance in the past twenty-five years and how much I've collected We've owned two cars for uess we've paid out a total of et the perfect driver when they gotthat time I doubt if they've paid out 2,000, mostly in dents

I had allcarefully

The White House? No, Thank you I'm always pleased but surprised that anyone will take the job of being President of the United States Of all the jobs in the world, it's the one I'd least like to have I know you get a big house to live in for free, a salary of 200,000, a helicopter, an airplane, your own doctor and a big staff but I still don't want the job Don't even ask me because I won't take it

The President doesn't even have a White House psychiatrist, which is probably the doctor he needs most

It's always been a mystery to me why anyone would want to be President Anyone who'd want to be President has to be some kind of nut who loves misery and criticism If I were President, I'd callwith me, anyhow?” anyhow?”

As President, any decision you make affects millions of people You put thousands of people out of work every tihts or in a Cabinet ht because of some policy of yours that cost soo down to the base and putter around He can't decide to clihten the television antenna He never gets the satisfaction of taking a load of trash to the du he's probably the most powerfulhe wants to do If he does do so he wants to do, so it and clai the taxpayers' money

It's nice to have someone concerned about your welfare if it's a friend but I certainly wouldn't want a lot of guys running alongside my car every tiet shot Furthermore, I'd want to drive my own car I don't like to be driven anywhere by anyone I like to go where I want to go the way I want to get there The President can't do that

You can bet there have been nights when the President sat down after a hard day's work dealing orld affairs and wanted nothing ood movie Presidents of the United States can see any ht in the White House but that isn't what ”going to the o out, driving to the theater, finding a parking place, standing in line to buy the tickets, buying the popcorn and then groping your way down the aisle to find a seat A President can't go to the et if he took the First Lady to one of those dirty, R-rated s I can do the President can't I can go to any restaurant I want to eat dinner or I can stay hos

I can wander down a street and -shop, eat an ice-crea at all if I feel like it Why would I want to be President?

For all the power he has to change the world with a snap of his fingers, the President can't decide to turn over and go to sleep in theHe can't even make a plan for a week from Saturday His calendar is full for the next four yearsnot just the days, but the hours

I hope you have a happy and successful time in office, Mr President, but frankly, you can have it

The Agony of Flight I have just taken ato be in Los Angeles for only two days, I drove from my office in New York to Kennedy Airport so I'd have my car when I returned and could drive ho area is just a minute's walk across the road from American Airlines

When I arrived at the airport for a 9 aht I had plenty of ti lot was closed for repair I was directed to a lot two miles from the terminal By the time I found it, parked and waited for the bus to take e attendants outside told s Inside, I waited in line to check hts leave fro the door

First class for the round trip flight cost2,76290 Business class cost 1,85890 A coach seat was 51790 I flew coach Airlines make coach so uncomfortable that even people who can't afford it pay the ”business” rate

In flight, the pilot kept announcing that ere ahead of schedule We landed ninetold to keep our seats, aitedand waitedand waited Then caate that should beout shortly Please remain in your seats Thank you for your patience” Which ere not

Flight times should be recorded from the time they close the door for takeoff to the tiers off The advertised tiht was five hours and fifty-seven minutes From the time we had to be on board to the time ere allowed off, it was seven hours and twelve e clai never cae office, I waited in line They were doing a booot to talk to a wo on the next flight I opted to have the bag sent to my hotel