Part 23 (1/2)
”I don't have any money.” She hated making that confession.
”Hen will see to anything you need.”
He and Zac were certainly free with their brothers' money.
”I want to thank you for all you've done,” she said after a long pause. ”I know I've been a lot of trouble, and now with everything going wrong . . . ”
”Don't worry about it. Everything will be right as rain in a few days.”
She thought of her hair, the scar on her head, the scar in her heart. Things would never be right again.
They said little more for the rest of the evening. Daisy retired to her corner. She had become rather fond of the little s.p.a.ce. It gave her more privacy than she had enjoyed in her own home. But then things here were different from her home. Her father could never stand for her or her mother to be out of his sight for more than a short time. Since he didn't like other people, that meant they had no social life.
Here Zac and Tyler had organized everything around her. That didn't happen even in Adora's home. Mr. Cochrane ruled just as absolutely as her father. Adora had never heard her mother or Guy question anything he said. Even though Guy was very tolerant, he showed signs of expecting his home to be much the same. Daisy would have accepted that if she had married him before she met Tyler. Now she didn't know what she would do.
Any man she did marry, if she could find one to marry her now, would probably be even more demanding. She had noticed the poorer the man, the more he expected of his wife. She didn't know enough of society yet to understand that, but she did know what she had seen.
Poverty made a slave of women. She decided if she were going to be poor, she would be poor by herself. She wasn't going to be a slave to anybody.
But that brought back the frightening thought of having to make it alone, and she didn't know a thing about surviving on her own.
Tyler tossed and turned in his bed. Despite trying all day to put it out of his mind, he was still furious at Daisy for what he felt was a betrayal. The engagement stuck in his craw. Without that, what they had almost done would simply have been a decision made between two adults. With the engagement, it made him look like a lecher.
He had never in his life made an improper suggestion to a woman whose feelings were attached. He might not want to be married himself, but wedding vows were as sacred to him as they were to his married brothers. He felt like a heel. No decent man went around trying to make love to an engaged woman.
Make love! That wasn't what he had been meaning to do. He had been intent on making l.u.s.t, and he couldn't glorify it by any other name.
It was this weakness that worried him as much as anything else. He never would have been tempted before. What was it about Daisy that caused him to lose control?
She was d.a.m.ned attractive. He couldn't call her cute or beautiful, but there was something about her that he found irresistible. He had found her attractive even when her head was bandaged. That should have told him something.
He guessed part of it was her courage. She never lost heart or went to pieces. And she wasn't a pest. She went out of her way to be as little trouble as possible. She even tried to help with the work. She had gone after that deer because of him. He couldn't explain to her he had no interest in it except to please her, not after she had dragged Zac out to help her fight off the cougar.
He had to laugh at that. After her first encounter with the beast, he would have thought she'd never want to go near one again. Yet she charged out into the snow to protect his deer.
His deer!
He was glad to see the last of the creature. She had no idea how difficult it was to tear limbs from oak trees in winter. The trees seemed particularly determined to hold on to them.
He ought to feel guilty sitting here feeling sorry for himself when Daisy was hiding behind the curtain because her whole life and fallen apart. It wasn't often a poor woman got the chance to marry the only son of the richest man in town. It was exactly what her mother had taught her to want. It was the only role her father had prepared her to take on.
Tyler had helped take it from her.
He absolved himself from most of the blame because he hadn't known she was engaged. But even as he tried to a.s.suage his conscience, he was angry she would agree to marry a man she didn't love. There was more to life than that. She must have dreams. Surely she wanted to find someone she could love with a great and lasting pa.s.sion.
Why should she? He didn't. If someone told him he had to marry tomorrow, he would look for a sensible woman who would perform her duties efficiently and cause him the least trouble and worry. He had no right to criticize Daisy for doing basically the same thing.
He guessed he was used to thinking of women in terms of Rose and Iris. Two less compliant females would be hard to find. But he wondered what compromises they might have been willing to make if they hadn't married George and Monty? In all likelihood they had considered a marriage of convenience at one time or another, yet n.o.body held it against them now.
In the end, he wasn't able to reach any conclusion that satisfactorily explained why he should suddenly be behaving in a fas.h.i.+on completely unlike himself.
But one thing he did know. He would have to start for Albuquerque tomorrow. He didn't dare trust himself in the cabin with Daisy another night.
Daisy woke up to find Tyler standing over her.
”We need to get started early. It's a long trip, and I don't want to spend more than one night on the road.”
Daisy opened her eyes, but she could barely make out Tyler's features. ”It's still dark,” she said.
”It'll be dawn by the time we start.”
Daisy groaned. She didn't think she had slept as much as two hours. But she got up. There was nothing to pack. Everything she had was on her back.
”We'll take the mattress and blankets,” Tyler said. ”You won't like sleeping on the ground.”
”You do.”
”I'm used to it.”
”I can get used to it, too.”
”There's no need. You'll be sleeping in a bed tomorrow night.”
She wanted to prove something to him -- she needed to -- but it seemed pointless to argue. She rolled up the mattress and folded the blankets.
”Can I help you pack?” she asked. He was fixing their breakfast. The least she could do was gather up his things in the meantime.
”I packed everything before I woke you. Sit down and eat. I'll tie your things on the burro.”
”You sit down and eat as well,” Daisy said, angry he had done everything himself. The perfect man who didn't need anybody. She realized he thought he was better off this way.
Maybe he was. She wished she didn't need people.
But she did. It was essential to her to feel wanted, needed, loved. There were times she thought she would do anything just to feel that way. When she was little, she thought her father wanted, needed, and loved her. Later she discovered he loved no one but himself.
”I guess it's time to go.”
Tyler did let her take care of the dishes while he tied the mattress and blankets on the burro.
”I'd let you have a mule, but--”
”Don't apologize. The poor burro would never stand up to your weight.”
As she waited for him to help her into the saddle, she looked back at the cabin and felt a pang. It would be some time before she knew the full consequences of her time here, but in some ways these last nine days had been the best of her life. None of the old equations worked, but then none of the old constraints bound her. It had been a halcyon time, a time of simplicity, of restfulness, of a happiness of a kind she would never experience again. It had been a time for seeking new horizons, of pus.h.i.+ng limits, of discarding old ideas.
Now she was about to return to the world where the old constraints bound until they pinched, where new ideas were frowned on, where new horizons were avoided. She felt afraid.
She was wearing one of Tyler's heavy coats with the fur-lined cape over her head. She wondered if he would let her keep it. He'd probably offer to buy her a new one, but she'd rather keep this one. It would be a mute reminder of their week together.