Part 32 (2/2)
”It's not a question of loving him,” Daisy said, hoping to avoid answering that question. ”But knowing I liked him made me question my feelings for you. Now I think maybe love should come before marriage, or it might not come at all.”
”If that's all, we can wait until--”
”It's not all. I don't know how to say this without sounding even more ungrateful, but I want a chance to be on my own. You and your family have been very kind, but you want to do everything for me.”
”We're only trying to help.”
”I know, but I feel like I'm about to suffocate.”
”Tell me what you don't like, and I'll change it.”
Daisy stood up and walked a few steps before she turned to face Guy. ”It's not that simple. I don't know what I want.” Gripping her hands together in front of her, Daisy walked a few more steps. ”When I was ten, my father gave me a book about Queen Elizabeth I of England. I loved that book so much I read it over and over again. I can even quote parts of it.
The young princess was hemmed in on all sides, her will never her own, her life a constant struggle to please those stronger than herself. Yet no matter what she did, she was never able to please her guardians.
That's how my father made me feel. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. But Elizabeth became the greatest queen England ever had. They threatened her kingdom and her throne, but she never got married. She ruled a whole country by herself for forty-five years.
”I admired her and wanted to be like her, but all my life I had been told I couldn't survive without a man. Tyler was the first person to believe in me, to believe I could do anything I wanted. Now the time has come for me to find out if he's right. I can't find out if I allow you and your father to do everything for me.”
Guy looked stunned. ”What are you going to do?”
”Go back to the ranch.”
”You can't. The house is gone.”
”I'm going to buy a tent--”
”You'd be alone.”
”--and hire Rio Mendoza to help me.”
”He's an old man.”
”He's just turned forty, and he's a good worker. I'll feel safe with him.”
Guy leaped out of his chair. ”You can't do this. What'll people say?”
”I imagine they'll say you're well out of a bad marriage.”
”That's not what I mean. I'm talking about your reputation. Aren't you worried about that?”
”I don't have a reputation, at least not a good one. I thought Mrs. Esterhouse made that plain enough.”
”I don't care about Mrs. Esterhouse. All I care about is you.” Guy tried to take her in his arms, but Daisy twisted away.
”I don't know why you are so determined to marry me. You don't love me. You may like me a lot, but you're not in love. I'm not pretty. I have absolutely no money. I'm taller than any man in Albuquerque.”
Guy looked taken aback, but made a quick recovery. ”Of course you're pretty. Everybody says--”
”They say I'm a gawk who towers over every man in sight. They've probably forgotten my freckles because of my hair and scar, but they won't forget my father and my poverty.”
”That's not true. You are a striking woman. Everybody says so.”
Daisy laughed. She didn't know why. She didn't feel amused, but the sound came out on its own. ”Amazing, startling, staggering, shocking or all of the above.”
Guy gripped Daisy by the shoulders. ”I'm not giving up. I'll come out every day to see how you're doing.” He sounded desperate, even a little frightened.
”No. I want you to start looking for someone else. You deserve a wife who can love you with her whole heart. You deserve to be in love. Promise me you won't marry anyone you don't love.”
”You sound like you're in love,” Guy said.
”I know what it's like.” Daisy stood. ”Please don't say any more. I've made all my preparations. I'll tell Adora, but I want you to speak to your parents. After all their kindness, I don't think I can face them.”
”I don't want you to leave,” Adora wailed. ”I want you to be my sister. Why do you want to go way?”
Daisy had left Guy, stunned and confused, to go find Adora. She wanted to tell her while she still had the courage. She had found her in her bedroom.
”I don't want to. I must.”
”That's absurd. n.o.body's making you go. Just the opposite.”
”I'm making me go,” Daisy said. ”I don't love Guy. It would be unfair to marry him.”
”You love one of those Randolph men, don't you, the young one you said was so handsome?”
”No, I don't love Zac.”
”Then it's the other one. I know it is. You haven't been the same since we got back.”
”Okay, I do love him, but I'm not going to marry him.”
”But if you love him--”
”He doesn't know he loves me.”
Adora was silent a moment. ”How do you know?”
”He came back to Albuquerque. Guy and I met him in the hotel lobby.”
”Guy told me he came to tell Papa he thought the killer had followed you to town.”
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