Part 39 (1/2)
She had no idea how jealous he was of Guy Cochrane. Even now Tyler felt part of Daisy liked Guy better than she liked him. He thought once you loved somebody, you loved only them, you wanted to marry them. That's how it worked for his brothers. He didn't understand why that didn't work for Daisy. That's how it worked for him. That's why he had come down off the mountain and was trying so hard to understand her.
”You don't love him,” Tyler answered.
”He wanted to make all my decisions for me. He would have expected me to be a model wife at social occasions. But the rest of the time, I would have been expected to stay home, have his children and run his household, but not be concerned with his business or what he did when he was away from home. Most important of all, he would have expected me to have no opinions.”
Tyler didn't want to suffocate her mind or keep her barefoot and pregnant. What she didn't seem to understand was rustlers wouldn't respect her property and person just because she was a woman. You'd think being shot at and having her house burned down would have convinced her of that.
”I don't see--”
”You never have. You think that just because you have my best interests at heart, it's different for you. But it's not. My father did that -- I didn't realize how much until he was killed -- but I'll never endure that again.”
Tyler stopped his horse and waited until Daisy came abreast of him. The narrow trail forced them so close their knees almost rubbed against each other. ”Maybe Guy, your father, and I have a lot more in common than I would like to think,” he said.
”I don't see how you can say that.”
”I'm not trying to defend your father or Guy, but a man just naturally thinks he's supposed to take care of a woman. It's not that he doesn't think she can do it herself or that she's not smart enough. It's just his job. He wouldn't be a man if he didn't.”
”Do your brothers do that?”
He laughed. ”None better. You ought to hear Fern and Laurel on the subject.” He sobered. ”Maybe we do too much because our father did too little. My mother wanted all the care and protection you don't. She didn't get it, and it killed her. I guess that made us over protective.”
”I'm sorry about your mother,” Daisy said, thrown a little off-stride by his unexpected disclosure, ”but I'm not like her.”
She didn't see. She didn't understand. She was so blinded by one fear she couldn't see anything else. Maybe the same problem affected him. ”But I know so much more about so many things than you do.”
”I know that. And I appreciate your taking the time to help me, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to turn my life over to you. Talk to me, explain things, try to convince me you're right.”
”You never listen to me.”
”Do you ever listen to me?”
He thought he did. But did he really listen, or did he just hear what he wanted to hear? According to Hen he'd been doing that for years. Tyler hadn't paid any attention to what Hen said because he was just as bad, but maybe Hen could see the fault better because he had it himself.
He'd better find out if he wanted Daisy to marry him. She was dead set against marrying anybody who would try to control her. Yet he couldn't just let her run loose without making sure she was safe. There had to be some place between the two extremes. Hen and Laurel had found it. So had Iris and Monty. He could, too. If he didn't, he'd lose Daisy.
”You only remember the times I haven't listened to you,” Daisy said. ”You forget the hundreds of times I did exactly as I was told.”
Tyler realized she was right. ”I don't do it intentionally. I'm so used to thinking things through on my own and then acting, I don't stop to think about consulting anybody else.”
”That's fine when you're living up on that mountain with your mules and that cougar, but it won't work here.”
It would be a radical departure for him. He wasn't sure he could do it, but he must.
”Go back to your prospecting,” Daisy said. ”The branding is about done. Now that we've caught the rustlers, there's not much Rio and I can't handle.”
”You think you're ready to run this place on your own?”
”Not completely, but I've got to start some time. As long as you're around, I'll depend on you.”
”That's because I know a lot about cows.”
”All the more reason to leave. I need to learn to recognize problems and think through to solutions. I won't do that with you here.”
”I'll stay until the branding's over.”
”See, this is just like every other time. You do what you want to do.”
”That's right,” Tyler said. ”I love you, and I want to be with you. I want to know you're safe, that you're happy. I want to marry you.”
Daisy turned her horse around. ”That's something of a surprise. When did you decide gold, hotels, and solitude weren't enough?”
He didn't like the brittle edge to her voice. He had never expected telling a woman he wanted to marry her would make her angry.
”I guess I fell in love with you in the cabin. I guess that's why I didn't want you to leave. I didn't want anything to mess up my plans. I didn't want to be in love. I didn't know I wanted to marry you until a short time ago.”
”What made you decide?”
”I guess not wanting to live without you.”
Daisy looked at him for a long while, but she seemed to be thinking more her own thoughts than of him. Whatever was going through her mind, it didn't make her happy. She showed none of the enthusiasm Tyler expected of a woman when a man asked her to marry him.
”There was a time when I hoped you would ask me to marry you, a time when it was just about the only thing I dreamed of.”
Tyler didn't like the sound of that. Her voice was too flat, too impersonal. He didn't like the look in her eyes either. They were dull, closed, shuttered, like she had gone away.
”Even though I didn't want to marry a man with gold fever,” Daisy continued, ”I probably would have accepted. I loved you too much.
”But these last weeks have changed me. You're responsible for that. You told me I could be anything I wanted, that I didn't have to depend on a man to be a person. I didn't believe you. I was too scared. I'd never been taught to think of being on my own. That's why I almost married Guy. Then you came back and forced me to consider my only other option -- myself. Well, I did. But in doing so, I freed myself from the necessity of depending on any man. And that includes you.”
”But you said you loved me.”
”I do. I always will, but I love my freedom as well.”
”But there has to be a way for us to be married without you feeling suffocated.”
”Maybe, but I don't think you're ready to look for it. Besides, you're doing an awful lot of guessing for a man on the verge of making such an important change in his life. I want a man to know his own mind, not guess about what he feels. I want a husband who won't think of me as someone who messed up his life.”
”I didn't mean it that way.”
”Maybe not, but until you can say it so it sounds different, you can't expect me to believe you mean anything else.”
Tyler leaned out of the saddle, pulled her to him, and kissed her hard. ”Is that different enough?”
Daisy tapped down a desire to push the whole conversation aside and throw herself into Tyler's arms. ”I'm not going to deny the physical attraction between us, but it's not going to change my mind. I waited too long for this chance to mess it up now.”
With that, Daisy turned her horse and started back down the trail. It took Tyler a moment to recover sufficiently to follow. That was about as firm a no as a man could get. It hadn't been delivered in anger or any other surplus of emotion. It had been stated deliberately and coherently.
She meant what she said.