Part 23 (1/2)
[158 THE ADVENTURES OF MR VERDANT GREEN]
Euclid, instead of working lorified slippers or woolleries, I'd scorn the ~h~action I ain't like you, Charley, and I'ars <vg158jpg> while I was at Eton to take kindly to 'eh my Greats, and see if I don't precious soon drop the acquaintance of those old classical parties!”
”No you won't, old fellow!” said Charles Larkyns; ”you'll find that they'll stick to you through life, just like poor relations, and you won't be able to shake theht not to wish to do so, more especially as, in the end, you will find them to have been very rich relations”
”A sort of 'O my prophetic soul, my uncle!' I suppose, Master Charley” observed Mr Bouncer; ”but what I meant when I said that I had been hard at as, that I had been writing a letter; and, though I say it that ought not to say it, I flatter ood letter”
”Is it a love-letter?” asked Charles Larkyns, as leaning against the ar which he had taken from Mr Bouncer's box
”A love-letter?” replied the little gentleum! no; I should rayther think not! I s in my life, but I can't have the tender passion laid tomy letter to the Mum: I alrite to her once a term” Mr Bouncer, it must be observed, always referred to hisdead) by the epithet of ”the Mum”
”Once a term!” said our hero, in a tone of surprise; ”why I alrite home once or twice every week”
”You don't lamps!” replied Mr Bouncer, with adenius for that sort of thing, you see, though what
[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 159]
you can find to tell 'eone at that pace I should have got right through the Guide Book by this time, and then it would have been all U P, and I should have been obleeged to have invented another dodge You don't seelamps?”
”Well, I really don't knohat you mean,” answered our hero
”Why,” continued Mr Bouncer, ”you see, there's only the Mulaular stunner - just suit you! - and they, you understand, don't care to hear about wines, and Town and Gowns, and all that sort of thing; and, you see, I ain't inventive and that, and can't spin a yarn about nothing; so, as soon as ever I caan at the beginning, and I gave the Mues of Guide Book in each letter Of course, you see, the Muines it's all my own observation; and she thinks no end of my letters, and says that they make her know Oxford almost as well as if she lived here; and she, of course, ood deal ofout, you see, she takes an interest in reading so about the jolly old place”
”Of course,” observed Mr Verdant Green - ”my mamma - mother, at least - and sisters, always take pleasure in hearing about Oxford; but your plan never occurred to me”
”It's a first-rater, and no mistake,” said Mr Bouncer, confidently, ”and saves a deal of trouble I think of taking out a patent for it - 'Bouncer's Coet some literary swell to put it into a book, 'with a portrait of the inventor;' it would be sure to sell You see, it's what you call amusement blended with information; and that's more than you can say of most men's letters to the Home department”
”cocky Palmer's, for instance,” said Charles Larkyns, ”which always contained a full, true, and particular account of his Wheatley doings He used to go over there, Verdant, to indulge in the noble sport of cock-fighting, for which he had a most unamiable and unenviable weakness; that was the reason why he was called 'cocky'
Paluished by the pronomen 'Snuffy,' to express his excessive partiality for that titillating compound”
”And Snuffy Palht better feller than cocky, as in the very worst set in Brazenface But cocky did the Wheatley dodge once too often, and it was a good job for the King of Oude when his friend cocky carief, and had to take his nah you wanted a translation of this,”
[160 ADVENTURES OF MR VERDANT GREEN]
said Charles Larkyns to our hero, who had been listening to the conversation with so about as much of it as many persons who attend the St Jaue of the French Plays ”There are College ~cabalia~, as well as Jewish; and College surna of Oude'
was a man of the name of Towlinson, who always used to carry into Hall with hi of Oude's Sauce~,' for which he had so, and without which he professed hireat friend of cocky Palhts at Wheatley - that village just on the other side Shotover Hill - where we did a 'constitutional' the other day cocky, as our respected friend says, 'Carief,' but was allowed to save himself fro his name off the books When his connection with cocky had thus been ruthlessly broken, 'the King' got into a better set, and retrieved his character”
”The lamps,” observed Mr Bouncer, ”is, that there are as e as there are of quadrilles in a ball-room, and that it's just as easy to take your place in one as it is in another; but, that when you've once taken up your position, you'll find it ain't an easy thing, you see, to e for yourself, till the set is broken up Whereby, Giglaht to be, for Charley's having put you into the best set in Brazenface”
Mr Verdant Green was heard to rateful for kindness, - endeavours to deserve,” - and the other broken sentiet upon their legs to return thanks for having been ”tea-potted”
”If you like to hear it,” said Mr Bouncer, ”I'll read you my letter to the Mulamps, that it'll serve you as a model”