Part 28 (1/2)

fact so far as it related to the party which was the subject of Mr

Mole's reiven under somewhat similar circuent Mr Mole entleht - na the hall was ers and dancers, he perceived, firstly, that Miss Green was invariably accompanied by Mr Charles Larkyns; secondly, that the Rev Josiah Meek kept Miss Helen dallying about the wine and leer than was necessary for theliquids; and thirdly, that Miss fanny, as a pert, talkative Miss of sixteen, was continually to be found there with either Mr Henry Bouncer or Mr Alfred Brindle dancing attendance upon her But, be this as it ent Mr Mole was impressed with the conviction that Mr Green had called his young friends together as to a hters were to be put up without reserve, and knocked down to the highest bidder

All the party have arrived The weather has been talked over for the last time (for the present); a harp, violin, and a cornet-a-piston froin-and-water, are heard discoursing -room, which has been cleared out for the dance Miss Patty Honeywood, accepting the offer of Mr Verdant Green's arentlemen pair, and follow: the ball is opened

A polka follows the quadrille; and, while the dancers rest awhile fro-room to hear the balloon-like Miss Waters play a firework piece of music, in which execution takes the place of ers like showers of rockets, Mr Verdant Green mysteriously weeds out certain members of the party, and vanishes with them up-stairs

When Miss Waters has discharged all her fireworks, and has descended from the throne of her music-stool, a set of Lancers is forures, the dancers find a fruitful subject of conversation in sur to be acted The surht to an end with that peculiar in-and-out tum-tum-tiddle-iddle-tuure of ~Les Lanciers~, the trippers on the light fantastic toe are requested to asse-room, where the chairs and couches have been pulled up to face the folding

[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 195]

doors that lead into the library Mr Verdant Green appears; and, after announcing that the word to be acted will be one of three syllables, and that each syllable will be represented by itself, and that then the co doors for

SCENE I ~Syllable~ 1 - Enter the Miss Honeywoods, dressed in fashi+onable bonnets and shawls They are shown in by a footenious and <vg195jpg> effective livery,the dress-coat inside out, so as to display the cris of the sleeves: the effect of Mr Bouncer's appearance is considerably heightened by a judicious outlay of flour sprinkled over his hair

Mr Bouncer (as footives the ladies chairs, and inquires, ”What name shall I be pleased to say, uid and fashi+onable voice, ”The Ladies Louisa and Arabella Mountfidget” Mr Bouncer evaporates with a lo, leaving the ladies to play with their parasols, and converse Lady Arabella (Miss Patty) then expresses a devout wish that Lady Trotter (wife of Sir Lambkin Trotter, Bart), in whose house they are supposed to be, will not keep the as she detained her aunt, Lady Bellwether, when the poor old lady fell asleep fro on the sofa Lady

[196 ADVENTURES OF MR VERDANT GREEN]

Louisa then falls to an inspection of the card-tray, and reads the paste-boards of so titles not to be found in Debrett, and expresses wonder as to where Lady Trotter can have picked up the duchess of Ditchwater's card, as she (Lady Louisa) is morally convinced that her Grace can never have condescended to have even sent in her card by a foot impatient at the non-appearance of Lady Trotter, Miss Patty Honeywood then rings the bell, and, with much asperity of manner, inquires of Mr Bouncer (as footman) if Lady Trotter is inforet are waiting to see her? Mr Bouncer replies, with a footman's bow, and a footman's ~h~exasperation of his h's, ”Me lady is haweer hof your ladyshi+ps' visit; but me lady is at present hunable to happear: e, which she hasks me to deliver to your ladyshi+ps” Then why don't you deliver it at once,” says Miss Patty, ”and not waste the valuable tiet? What ~is~ the e?” ”Me lady,” replies Mr Bouncer, ”requests sof herself!” Aet toss their heads and flutter grandly out of the room, followed by the floured footman; while Mr Verdant Green, unseen by those in front, pushes-to the folding doors, to show that the first syllable is perforreeably fill up the time till the next scene The Revd Josiah Meek, who is not much used to charades, confides to Miss Helen Green that he surmises the word to be, either ”visitor” or ”iround to this sur words of three syllables, Miss Helen gently repels the idea, and sagely observes, ”we shall see more in the next scene”

SCENE II ~Syllable~ 2 - The folding-doors open, and discover Mr

Verdant Green, as a sick gentleoith pillows under his head, and Miss Patty Honeywood in attendance upon hilasses and medicine bottles, is drawn up to the sufferer's couch in an inviting manner

Miss Patty informs the sufferer that the tiroans in a dismal manner, and says, ”Oh!

is it, my dear?” She replies, ”Yes! you must take it now;” and sternly pours some sherry wine out of the medicine bottle into a cup

The sufferer makes piteous faces, and exclaims, ”It is so nasty, I can't take it, my love!” (It is to be observed that Mr Verdant Green, skilfully taking advantage of the circumstance that Miss

[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 197]

Patty Honeywood is supposed to represent the wife of the sufferer, plentifully besprinkles his conversation with endearing epithets) When, after , the sufferer has been induced to take his medicine, his spouse announces the arrival of the doctor; when, enter Mr Bouncer, still floured as to his head, but wearing spectacles, a long black coat, and a shi+rt-frill, and having his dress otherwise altered so as to represent a medical ht his patient has had, inspects his <vg197jpg> tongue with professional gravity, feels his pulse, looks at his watch, andand poking Mr Verdant Green in various parts of his body, - after the manner of doctors with their victi between each poke, ”Does that hurt you?” and being answered by a convulsive ”Oh!” and a groan of agony The doctor then prescribes a draught to be taken every half-hour, with the pills and blister at bed-ti his two fellow-actors with confusion, by observing that he leaves his patient in admirable hands, and, that in an affection of the heart, the application of lip-salve and warive a decided tone to the systerateful e-doors are closed on the blushes of Miss Patty Honeywood, and Mr Verdant Green

[198 ADVENTURES OF MR VERDANT GREEN]

More applause: enious speculations The Revd Josiah Meek is now of opinion that the word is either ”ely observes, ”we shall see more in the next scene”

SCENE III ~Syllable~ 3 - Mr Verdant Green discovered sitting at a table furnished with pens and ink, books, and rolls of paper Mr

Verdant Green wears on his head a Chelsea pensioner's cocked-hat (the ”property” of the Fahts would have said), folded into a shovel shape; and is supposed to accurately represent the outside of a London publisher To him enter Mr Bouncer - the flour off his head - coat buttoned tightly to the throat, no visible linen, and wearing in his face and appearance generally, ”the garb of humility” Says the publisher ”Now, sir, please to state your business, and be quick about it: I a over for the press a work of a distinguished author, which I am just about to publish” Meekly replies the other, as he holds under his arm an immense paper packet: ”It is about a work of my own, sir, that I have now ventured to intrude upon you I have here, sir, a s his roll of a book), ”which I ah theestablishment” To him, the Publisher - ”Already am I inundated with manuscripts on all possible subjects, and cannot undertake to look at any more for some time to come What is the nature of your manuscript?” Meekly replies the other - ”The theland before the Flood The subject is both new and interesting It is to be presumed that our beloved country existed before the Flood: if so, it must have had a history I have therefore endeavoured to fill up what is lacking in the annals of our land, by a record of its antediluvian state, adapted to the meanest comprehension, and founded on the most baseless facts I am desirous, sir, to see e letters; in very large letters, sir Indeed, sir, it would give ether in capital letters: ht then be called with truth, a capital work” To him, the Publisher - ”Much certainly depends on the character of the printing” Meekly the author - ”Indeed, sir, it does A great book, sir, should be printed in great letters If you will permit me, I will show you the size of the letters in which I should wish my book to be printed” Mr Bouncer then points out in so hethe Publisher to read over his land before the Flood, makes his bow to Mr Verdant Green and the Chelsea pensioner's cocked hat

[AN OXFORD FRESHMAN 199]