Part 37 (1/2)
”Heroin. So they said.”
”Are you sure, Jackson?”
”They were just street riffraff, but there were plenty of them. Probably be happy to tell you the same thing today if you had any need to hear it. Put them in an angry frame of mind when they had to come up before her, I'll tell you that. Even a thug, Muriel, knows what's fair.”
She couldn't tell if she was more astounded or amused. She laughed as she contemplated the whole notion.
”A junkie,” said Muriel.
”That's what she was. But she isn't today. Today she's in the chapel of love.” Jackson put his car in gear, but he smiled at her with great satisfaction. ”See,” he said, ”it's just like I said.”
”What's that?”
”There's just no point to ever give up on a human being.”
Chapter 39.
August 23, 2001 First FIRST, THEY f.u.c.kED. He'd heard her say 'talk' in Aires's parking lot, but he knew what was coming. She wasn't through the door thirty seconds before they were together, and he couldn't say who had moved first. There was no logic to resisting. Nothing was going to get any better or worse.
But they were less shocked by themselves and thus more at ease. They went to the center, to that timeless essential place where pleasure becomes our whole purpose on earth. At the end, there was an instant when they were changing positions, her hand was on him, and his hand was in her, they had each other's b.u.t.ton, and as her eyes briefly opened she gave him a grin of perfect celestial delight.
Afterwards, they lay on the same rug that still hadn't been cleaned, naked and silent for quite some time.
”Wow,” said Muriel finally. ”Home run. Grand slam.”
He repeated her words, then went off to the kitchen to get a beer for each of them. When he returned, he took a seat on a stepladder one of the painters had been using.
”So,” he said, ”I take it this is au revoir.”
”You think that's what I came here to say?”
”Isn't it?”
”Not exactly.”
”Okay, so tell me.”
Nude, she sat up with her hands behind her. He wondered exactly where her t.i.ts had gone. She hadn't had much to start with, but now it was just beans on a plate. Not that he had anything to talk about, with a stomach that got in the way of his hard-on. Life, when you faced it, was cruel.
”Larry, I've done a lot of thinking. I want things that run smack into each other.”
”Such as?”
”Am I running for P.A.?”
”You're running. What's next on the checklist?”
She gave him a look. ”Do you think it would be as crystal clear if it was your life?”
”It is my life.”
”Larry, how can you make love to me like that, then hate me so much ten minutes later?”
”Because I'm not going to make love like that to you again. Right?”
”What if you ease up a little, and come sit beside me, and do something stupid like hold my hand, and talk to me as if we're two people who care a lot for each other, instead of the Palestinians and the Israelis?”
They weren't hand-holding types. He and Muriel never had found a middle ground. Either they were fully joined or completely apart. But he settled next to her on the rug and she circled her arm over his biceps.
”You're right, Larry, I'd like to make this campaign. But I'm not sure that the windup on this case is going to permit that. Either way, though, I'm not walking out on Talmadge today”for the right reasons and the wrong ones, too. I can't win without him”that's the brutal truth. But, Larry, he also deserves better than that from me. I need to look him in the eye and tell him this marriage hasn't gone very well. I've never done that.”
”And you think that'll fix things?”
”Look, I married Talmadge on dubious premises. And I don't mean because I'm ambitious and he's ambitious”the truth is, that's the one part that's worked and always will. I'm talking about the way I see myself and see him. You're the one who read me that headline. But I'm going to work that through with my husband, not with you. Wherever that leads. Which, best guess, is probably out the door.”
She was asking him to stand by, he realized suddenly. She was telling him they might still have a chance.
”And so what am I supposed to do? See if I can remember the words to 'You Keep Me Hangin' On'? I told you I can't live in between.”
”I heard that. And I'm not proposing a life of secret pa.s.sion. For both our sakes, this better stop. I'm just letting you know what I'm thinking. But I haven't paid my subscription to the psychic hotline. Who knows what happens? You said ten years ago you were getting out of your marriage, and you've still got the same address.”
”Different situation.”
”You get the point.”
He did. He looked straight down at the rug. His d.i.c.k, which had always gotten him in so much trouble, was bunched up like a baby. But that wasn't the part that hurt. He was desperate to stay angry, because it would keep the rest of it at bay. In the meantime, her grip tightened on his arm.
”But look”I have to say one more thing. What happened with this case”Gandolph? What was disclosed and what wasn't? A lot of that's my fault. I see that now. You told me you weren't like me and I didn't listen. There's a reason people say not to s.h.i.+t where you eat and not to f.u.c.k where you work. And I did it anyway. Because I had to know what it was like to be outside my marriage. I wanted to see how it felt.”
”And how was it?”
She looked at him a long time.
”Pretty d.a.m.n good,” she said. She stayed there one more second. ”But it was stupid and selfish, too. And unprofessional. So if there's blame to pa.s.s out on this case, let it land on me. Whatever the impact on my plans.”
He liked that. He liked a lot of what she'd said in the last few minutes. It was honest. Usually, Muriel could be savage about everyone but herself.
”By the way,” she said, ”speaking of the case, you ready for today's humor?”
”I could use some right now.”
She told him what Aires had said about Gillian copping on the street.
”No way,” said Larry.
”I scoped it out a little today. Called Gloria Mingham at DEA. Technically speaking, none of this stuff about Gillian is grand jury, but Gloria still didn't like talking about it. She just sort of hummed to me.”