Part 17 (1/2)

”You mustn' mind what Mr. Mortimer says,” she a.s.sured the child encouragingly--”it's on'y his way.”

Mr. Mortimer stepped jauntily across the gang-plank, declaiming with so much of gesture as a heavy market-basket permitted--

”The pirates of Parga, who dwell by the waves, And teach the pale Franks what it is to be slaves, Shall leave by the beach, Smiles, the long galley and oar--”

”I have done it, Smiles. In the words of the old-time cla.s.sical geometer, I have found it; and as he remarked on another occasion (I believe subsequently), 'Give me where to stand, and I will move the Universe.' His precise words, if I recall the original Greek, were _Dos Pou Sto_--and the critical ear will detect a manly--er--self-reliance in the terse monosyllables. In these days,” pursued Mr. Mortimer, setting down the market-basket, unb.u.t.toning his furred overcoat, extracting a green and yellow bandanna from his breastpocket and mopping his heated brow, ”in these days we have lost that self-confidence. We are weary, disillusioned. We have ceased to expect gold at the rainbow's foot.

Speaking without disrespect to the poet Sh.e.l.ley”--here he lifted his hat and replaced it--”a new Peneus does _not_ roll his fountains against the morning star, whatever that precise--er--operation may have been.

But let us honour the aspiration, Smiles, though the chill monitor within forbid us to endorse it. 'A loftier Argo'”--Mr. Mortimer indicated the _Success to Commerce_ with a sweep of the hand--

”A loftier Argo cleaves the main Fraught with a later prize; Another Orpheus--you'll excuse the comparison--sings again, And loves, and weeps--and dies.”

”Stanislas, you have not forgotten the eggs, I hope?” interposed the voice of Mrs. Mortimer from the cabin.

”I have not, my bud. Moreover, as I was just explaining to our friend, I have secured a _Pou Sto_--a hall, my chick--or perhaps it might be defined more precisely as a--er--loft. It served formerly--or, as the poets would say, whilom--as a barracks for the Salvation Army; in more recent times as a store for--er--superphosphates. But it is commodious, and possesses a side-chamber which will serve us admirably for a green-room when the proprietor--an affable person by the name of Tench-- has removed the onions at present drying on the floor; which he has engaged to do.”

”Are you tellin' me,” inquired Sam, ”that you've been and 'ired the room?”

”At the derisory charge of four-and-six for the night. As a business man, I believe in striking while the iron is hot. Indeed, while we are on the subject, I may mention that I have ordered the bills. _Professor and Madame St. Maw_--my Arabella will, I know, forgive my reverting to the name under which she won her maiden laurels--it cost me a pang, my dear Smiles, to reflect that the fame to be won here, the honour of having popularised HIM, here on the confines of his native Arden, will never be a.s.sociated with the name of Mortimer. _Sic vos non vobis_, as the Mantuan has poignantly observed. But for the sake of the children-- and, by the way, how do my bantlings find themselves this morning?

Tol-lollish, I trust?--for the sake of the children it was necessary, as we used to say with the Pytchley, to obscure 'the scent. Talking of scent, Smiles, it might be advisable--what with the superphosphates and the onions--to take some counteracting steps, which your ingenuity may be able to suggest. The superphosphates especially are--er--potent.

And, by one of those coincidences we meet, perhaps, oftener than we note, Mr. Tench's initial is 'S'--standing for Samuel.”

Mr. Mortimer extracted an egg from his basket and rubbed it with his bandanna thoughtfully before pa.s.sing it down to his wife.

”So you've been an' ordered the bills too?” murmured Mr. Bossom.

”And what will the bills run to?--if, as the treasurer, I may make so bold.”

”To the sum of five s.h.i.+llings precisely, which will, of course, be hypothecated as a first charge upon our takings, and which I ask you, my dear Smiles, as treasurer to debit to that account in due form, here and now.” It would have been hard to conceive any manner more impressively business-like than Mr. Mortimer's as he made this demand. ”You will excuse my putting it so plainly, Smiles, but I may venture a guess that in the matter of conducting a theatrical tour you are, comparatively speaking, a tiro?”

”I've got to account to 'Ucks, if that's what you mean,” Sam a.s.sented.

”The bill, Smiles, is the theatrical agent's first thought; the beginning which is notoriously half the battle. For three-inch lettering--and to that I restricted myself--five s.h.i.+llings can only be called dirt cheap. Listen--”

PROFESSOR AND MADAME ST. MAUR, OF THE LEADING LONDON THEATRES

PART I.--WITH VOICE AND LUTE, A POT-POURRI PART II.--AN HOUR WITH THE BEST DRAMATISTS

THE WHOLE TO CONCLUDE WITH THAT SIDE-SPLITTING DUOLOGUE ENt.i.tLED,

'COURTs.h.i.+P IN THE RAIN'

Pa.s.sION WITH REFINEMENT AND MIRTH WITHOUT VULGARITY

_Reserved Seats, One s.h.i.+lling. Unreserved, Sixpence._ _Gallery (limited), Threepence only_

DOORS OPEN AT 7.30; TO COMMENCE AT 8.

CARRIAGES AT HALF-PAST TEN