Part 16 (1/2)
”Everything goes wrong here. I wish I were back in my own palace once more! I would never sigh again to leave it.”
”Neither would I,” agreed King Crosspatch, drying his tears suddenly.
”Let's go back!”
They made up their minds in an instant, and slamming the door of the snug little cottage, they began to climb the steep hill to their splendid palace. Every step of the way they were in a perfect torment of fear lest the old man and the old woman would refuse to change places again.
”That old woman will never want to give me my trailing velvet robes,”
said Queen Grumpy, as they sat to rest on the stone stile.
”And I have been thinking that the old man will fight to keep my diamond crown,” said King Crosspatch anxiously. But at that very minute they heard voices, and behold! around the turn in the road came the old man and old woman, hurrying as though an army were after them. The old man was thumping his stick, and the old woman was making angry gestures with her hands; and both the old man and the old woman looked very cross and ill-humored.
”Ah, here you are!” exclaimed the old man, stopping short before the stone stile. ”Now give me my hat and take back your hateful crown without any further nonsense! I could not sleep a wink last night, because it was so heavy on my head. Such a hateful palace too! I never saw the like! I could not smoke my briarwood pipe which I brought along for company, and this morning two villains were like to drown me in a pool before I was fully awake.”
”They did not try to drown you,” replied King Crosspatch haughtily.
”That pool was a bath. Here is your hat; give me my crown.”
”You may call it a bath or not, just as you choose,” declared the old man warmly, ”but let those two villains drown you instead of me, is what I say! I was never so disappointed in all my life as I was with your palace. The royal throne was hard as stone; the royal beds were soft as dough; everything was wrong.”
Meanwhile Queen Grumpy and the old woman were having a time of it.
”Your cow has no manners,” complained Queen Grumpy. ”She kicked me, and she spilled the milk. I should behead her if she were mine.”
”Would you, indeed?” asked the old woman scornfully, ”and drink water and eat bread without b.u.t.ter all the rest of your life, I suppose? Let me tell you, Your Royal Highness, that your servants are lazy and good-for-nothing! I saw dust on the tops of all the doors and windows, and the silver flagon was not polished as brightly as my old pewter pots. Your royal cooks make griddlecakes heavy as lead; you had best behead them instead of my good Bossy-Cow.” Then she added, ”Did you feed my bird and give him water?”
”I could hardly feed myself in that awkward cottage of yours!” retorted Queen Grumpy.
”Oh, my poor bird!” exclaimed the old woman. ”Here, hurry and give me back my own dress that I may loop it above my red flannel petticoat and be comfortable once more. I suppose you took the bread out of the oven in time--did you?”
”I forgot it, and it burned,” sulkily replied Queen Grumpy, b.u.t.toning herself into her trailing velvet robes.
”Oh, what stupid folk are kings and queens!” cried the old woman in a pa.s.sion. ”Come along, husband,” she called, and down the hill they went.
”And what stupid folk are cottagers!” called King Crosspatch after them.
”Come along, wife,” said he, and up the hill they went.
And so these four old folk again went on their separate ways. All four were sure that they were walking on the road to happiness at last, and so all were very jolly and smiling in consequence.
”Oh, there's no place like home!
Oh, there's no place like home!”
sang the old man and his old wife, as they went trudging down to the little cottage so snug.
”Oh, there's no place like home!
Oh, there's no place like home!”
sang Queen Grumpy and King Crosspatch, as they went climbing to their splendid palace on the top of a high hill; and there we will bid them all adieu!