Part 27 (2/2)

”Well, I won't laugh unless I hear ye laughin first.”

She could always, she realizes, skip some of the parts. She could always censor part of it, and he'd never know...until the time came that he might want to read it over to himself, and then if he found the parts she'd censored and wondered why, maybe he would understand. Nail Chism, she honestly believes, will always understand.

So she gets up, and from one of the sacks in the cavern she fills her straw hat with oats, and takes it out to Rosabone, and sets it down where the mare can eat the oats. ”Don't eat my hat,” she says. Then she gets the bundle of letters out of the saddlebag. She pats the mare's neck and speaks some last words to her: ”You'll hear me talking, Rosabone. All night long you'll hear me talking, but I won't be talking to you. You get some sleep, and we'll go back to the village in the morning.”

All night long the mare hears her mistress talking. But surely, sometime in the night, the mare dozes off.

Viridis Monday holds nothing back. She reads it all. Once, after lighting the lantern and resuming, she asks him, ”Is this boring you?”

”I thought you'd know me better than to ask a question like that,” he says. ”Don't stop.”

But once again, much later, she interrupts herself to ask, ”Does that shock you?”

He is smiling, not with mirth but with pleasure. ”I reckon I can stand it,” he allows, offhand.

And again, when she comes, in time, to the story of the night she thought she was going to be allowed to spend in his cell, and is describing in detail what she antic.i.p.ated, she hears his breathing quicken and what might be a gasp, and she stops to say, ”Of course I'm just making up this whole part. It's just what I had imagined might happen.”

”It happened,” he says. ”If you wrote it, it happened.”

His saying that, his way of putting it, eases her, makes her more comfortable and confident with her own telling and her own invention. But it also perhaps leads to, or at least explains, what eventually happens this night, which is of course only written but also happening.

A strange thing: at some point she ceases to distinguish between what has been written and what is happening.

She has reached the present in her narrative: she has discovered that her narrative itself has switched from the past tense to the present tense and she is describing time as it occurs. She is surprised to discover herself reading a letter in which she describes what she is doing right now: sitting cross-legged on the floor of the cavern beside Nail's bed, reading him a letter in which she describes herself sitting cross-legged...

Tiredness might be a contributing factor; for Nail, it could be the effects of the quinine: a strange tinnitus that makes him hear not what she is saying but what he wants her to be saying. Is that it? Is she actually continuing to read from her actually written letter or simply describing aloud what happens as it happens? This is very strange, and no sound comes from Nail, except once when she stops and asks, ”What am I saying? What am I doing?” and he observes, ”You're asking yourself, What am I saying? What am I doing?”

All this night she has held nothing back from him. Her whole life, and every thought she's considered of any importance, has been laid bare to him. Her most secret and private imaginings have been put so clearly to him that they have become his own. Not just with candor, because candor implies a conscious opening up, and she has not been closed to begin with, but with total truth, she has turned herself inside out to him, and as the night wears on she discovers that she is naked and unashamed.

Never before, since her mother first clothed her, has she been naked to anyone except herself. But the nakedness of her body is as nothing; it is almost anticlimax, almost redundant. Especially because she has already written this in the letter too: I have on no clothes now. Now in the glare of coal oil light I am without a st.i.tch. It does not bother me that he is not following suit, because I have already seen him without a st.i.tch, in the death chamber, and because his time to be as bare as me will come later. Now is mine. His turn is later, after I have nothing left to reveal to him.

His turn comes at dawn. On this morning, the beginning of the alternate day of his two-day ague, the day he will not shake from cold or burn from fever or drip with sweat, he realizes that it is his turn, because she has told him everything she has to tell, given him everything she has to give, done for him everything that can be done.

Far off.

Well, I'll be!” I'll say, seeing Every Dill come walking up to my front porch, carrying a big earthenware bowl with a lid on it. It will be the first time I'll have had a good look at him since that night when I was eleven and I had to stay at his folks' house while everybody but me and him went to a funeral, and we wound up in the same bed.

”Good mornin, Latha,” he'll say, and hold the big bowl out to me. ”Maw said fer me to give ye this.”

”Jist set it down there with them others,” I'll tell him, and gesture toward the porch floor, where there will already be twenty-three a.s.sorted bowls, pots, tureens, ca.s.seroles, and other containers, each of them steaming with what I know is the same thing that's in his: chicken and dumplings.

”Yore dog will git it,” he will object, nodding his head toward Rouser and continuing to hold the bowl out to me.

”Rouser's done et one of them, and licked the bowl clean,” I will point out. ”Caint you see how his belly's all pooched out? He won't eat another'n before suppertime leastways, and maybe by then we'll figure out what to do with that many bowls of chicken'n dumplins.”

”Huh?” Every will say. ”You mean everlast one o' them bowls has got chicken dumplims in 'um?” When I nod, he will say, ”Wal, heck, Nail and that lady could never eat all of them in a month of Sundays, could they?” When I will shake my head, he will say, ”Wal, heck, mize well take this'un on back home.”

”Suit yourself,” I will tell him.

”But Maw tole me to leave it, I'd better leave it, don't ye reckon?”

”Whatever ye think.”

He will set the bowl down on the porch, but in front of the others so that it might get taken first when the time will come. He will study it. ”Wal, heck,” he will say, ”it aint even dinnertime yet, but I wouldn't mind havin a bite or two of that myself, if ye'd lend me the borry of a fork.”

”I'll git ye a plate,” I will tell him and go into the house for a clean plate and a fork and a big spoon for him to serve up a pile with.

”Who's that out there?” my mother will ask.

”Every,” I'll tell her. ”Now we've got twenty-four bowls of chicken'n dumplins. But I think he's fixin to help eat part of one.”

”Law sakes,” my mother will say. ”I never thought them Dills had a chicken around the place. Must've been a ole rooster.”

I will take the eating equipment to Every, and I will watch him eat. He will eat as if it has indeed been a long time since he's had anything as good as chicken and dumplings, and I will reflect that given a chance he might even grow up to look and sound a little bit like Nail Chism. But right now he'll be just a fourteen-year-old towhead who's pretty well earned his nickname Pickle. I will scarcely be able to convince myself that I, who came awfully close to making love to Nail himself just yesterday morning, already lost my virginity to this boy a couple of years before.

This boy will pause in his chewing and ask, ”What're ye thinkin about, Latha?”

I will manage a smile. ”Us,” I will say, ”I aint hardly seen you since.”

He will blush furiously. But he will pretend not to know what I'm talking about. ”Since when?” he will ask.

”Since that night you crope into my bed.”

”I never!” he will protest. ”It was more lak you crope inter mine.”

”The bed was in your house, and your folks owned it, but it was my bed at the time.”

”But it was the bed I slept in every night of my life,” he will point out.

”But you were sposed to sleep on a pallet in th'other room,” I will remind him. ”Don't you remember?”

”Yeah, but I reckon I was kind of groggy and conflummoxed,” he will observe. ”Heck, maybe I was even sleepwalkin.”

”Every Dill,” I will accuse him, ”don't you even remember what you and me did?”

”Was you awake?” he will ask.

”Silly! We talked for an hour before we did it. Don't you remember?”

”Yeah, it kinder comes back to me,” he will admit.

”I'm sorry to hear it ever left you in the first place.”

A silence will ensue. He will be just standing there in the dirt yard beside my front porch, shuffling his bare feet in the dirt, hanging his head bashfully, poking his hands into the pockets of his overalls, and taking them out again. At length he will ask, without looking at me, ”Did you not mind what we done?”

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