Part 11 (1/2)

I was runnin' the Git-There Express, sir, On the Yankee Creek Jerkwater line.

An' the track along there was as crooked, I swear, As the growth of a field pumpkin vine.

My run was a night one, an' nights on the Yank War as black as the coal piled back there on the tank.

We pulled out of Tenderfoot Station, A day and almost a-half late, An' every durn wheel was a-poundin' the steel At a wildly extravagant rate.

My fireman kept pilin' the coal in The jaws of the ol' 94, Till the sweat from his nose seemed to play through a hose An' splashed 'round his feet on the floor, As we thundered along like a demon in flight, A-rippin' a streak through the breast of the night.

As we rounded the curve on the mountain, Full sixty an hour I will swear, Jest ahead was a sight that with blood-freezin' fright Would have raised a stuffed buffalo's hair.

The bridge over Ute Creek was burnin', The flames shootin' up in their glee; My G.o.d! how they gleamed in the air, till they seemed Like the fiery-tongued imps on a spree-- Jest snickered an' sparkled an' laughed like they knowed I'd make my next trip on a different road.

In frenzy I reached for the throttle, But 'twas stuck an' refused to obey.

I yelled in affright, for our maddenin' flight I felt that I never could stay.

Then wildly I grasped the big lever, Threw her over, then held my hot breath, An' waited for what I a.s.suredly thought Was a sure an' terrible death.

Then came the wild crash, an' with horror-fringed yell Down into that great fiery chasm I fell.

When I came to myself I was lyin'

On the floor of the bedroom; my wife Sat astride of my form, and was making it warm Fur her darlin', you bet your sweet life!

My hair she had clutched in her fingers, An' was jammin' my head on the floor, Yet I yelled with delight when I found that my fright Was a horrible dream, nothin' more.

I had wildly grabb'd one of her ankles, she said, An' reversed her clear over the head of the bed.

_SEEING'S NOT BELIEVING._

I saw her, as I fancied, fair, Yes, fairest of earth's creatures; I saw the purest red and white O'erspread her lovely features; She fainted, and I sprinkled her, Her malady relieving: I washed both rose and lily off!

Oh! seeing's not believing!

I looked again, again I longed To breathe love's fond confession I saw her eyebrows formed to give Her face its arch expression; But gum is very apt to crack, And whilst my breast was heaving, It so fell out that one fell off!

Oh! seeing's not believing!

I saw the tresses on her brow So beautifully braided; I never saw in all my life Locks look so well as they did, She walked with me one windy day-- Ye zephyrs, why so thieving?

The lady lost her flaxen wig!

Oh! seeing's not believing!

I saw her form, by Nature's hand So prodigally finished, She were less perfect if enlarged, Less perfect if diminished; Her toilet I surprised--the worst Of wonders then achieving; None knew the bustle I perceived!

Oh! seeing's not believing!

I saw, when costly gems I gave, The smile with which she took them; And if she said no tender things, I've often seen her look them; I saw her my affianced bride, And then, my mansion leaving, She ran away with Colonel Jones!

Oh! seeing's not believing!

I saw another maiden soon, And struggled to detain her; I saw her plain enough--in fact, Few women could be plainer; 'Twas said, that at her father's death A plum she'd be receiving: I saw that father's house and grounds!

Oh! seeing's not believing!

I saw her mother--she was deck'd With furbelows and feathers; I saw distinctly that she wore Silk stockings in all weathers; I saw, beneath a load of gems.

The matron's bosom heaving; I saw a thousand signs of wealth!