Part 20 (1/2)
”Oh dear, no!” exclaimed Winnie, ”we are everything; Tib is a Congregationalist, and Emma Jane is a Unitarian, Adelaide is Presbyterian; 'Trude Middleton is a Dutch Reformer; Rosario Ricos is Catholic; Puss Seligman is a Jewess; Little Breeze comes from Philadelphia Quaker stock, though she is so gay you wouldn't think it; Cynthia Vaughn is a Baptist; Milly Roseveldt is the only Episcopalian; and I'm a--heathen.”
”No you are not,” I protested; ”you are a follower of the Elder Brother, Winnie, and that means you are a Christian.” She gave my hand a little squeeze, and Ethel exclaimed, ”I should think your society would go to pieces; I don't see how you can work together with such different views.”
”That depends,” said Winnie, thoughtfully, ”whether in the future we all pull in different directions, and tear our charity to pieces between us, or whether each of us uses all her force to bring in people from our different church organizations to help in the work, and make it widely and purely undenominational. I mean to write a little parable on that subject some day, for I feel full of it.”
”Do!” we all exclaimed; ”write it for the next meeting at Ethel's.”
”I don't know; it would hardly be a scientific essay, you know.”
”I am not sure about that,” replied Ethel; ”I think it might be called a scientific method of carrying on charitable enterprises. Please write it, and I will invite our Ten, and the Cheer-up Ten from the Corners, and the Loyal Legion, and the Missionary Society, and all the girls I know generally.”
The plan was carried into effect, and at the next meeting Winnie read us this fable, which she called
A FISH STORY.[A]
[A] NOTE.--This allegory was first published in _Good Company_, of 1880.
”Once upon a time the fishes and salt-water animals down in the bay decided to organize a Home for Sea-urchins.
”The circ.u.mstances of the remarkable agitation which suddenly spread among the peaceful denizens of the deep became known to me by my inadvertently getting a spray of sea-fern in one of my bathing-sandals.
I suddenly discovered that I could understand the voices of the little creatures that I had so often watched from Tib's father's dory, or sported among when I took my sea-bath. I lay in the dory one afternoon, looking down into the clear depth of the water, watching the tricks and manners of a sea-anemone, and thinking how similar her behavior was to that of a reigning belle at a popular watering-place, when it dawned upon me that she _was_ the belle of the cove, surrounded by a circle of obsequious masculine admirers, prominent among whom were the hermit-crab, the octopus, the jelly-fish, the lobster, the conger-eel, the king-iyo, and the stickleback--”
”Now, Winnie,” I objected, ”you never saw an octopus or a king-iyo in our cove, and you can't make me believe it!”
”My dear Tib,” Winnie replied, ”didn't I tell you this was a fish story?
Pray do not interrupt again. The animals that I have mentioned were all aspirants to the hand of the Sea-Anemone, and the first remarks which I overheard and comprehended were her confidences to her friend the Gold-Fish, in which she intimated that she considered the Jelly-Fish the most amiable, the Lobster the richest, the King-iyo (a t.i.tled foreigner from j.a.pan) the most _distingue_, and the Conger-Eel the most polite; but, after all, the Hermit-Crab was really the best, and she liked him more than any of the others, with the exception of the Octopus, who was so fascinatingly wicked.
”The next time that I looked into the cove was during a meeting of the managers of the Sea-Urchins' Home.
”The Sea-Anemone had just been unanimously elected to the presidency on account of her popularity.
”The Cuttle-Fish had been created secretary in recognition of his remarkable facility in throwing ink, while all official doc.u.ments were stamped by the Seal.
”The Electric-Eel was made visiting physician; and the Shark, surgeon and lecturer on vivisection.
”The Hermit-Crab, who had been detailed to make observations on the _modus_ in which such societies were carried on among human beings, made the following report:
”MISS PRESIDENT AND FELLOW-FISHES:
”Your committee have made a careful investigation of the subject a.s.signed them, and agree that while man's faculties have not been cultivated to so high an extent as those pertaining to fishes, he is still a moral and intellectual animal. We believe that if he were put in possession of the advantages accorded to our race, and were submerged in salt-water for several centuries, his brain would undoubtedly become so pickled as to reduce it in size and intensify its quality. Favorable conditions of brain-pickling are all that is necessary, in our opinion, to develop some of the most advanced specimens of this _genus_ into a low form of _mollusk_.
”The opinions of the Hermit-Crab were considered a marvel of liberality and generous thinking. He proceeded to explain the society-forming instinct of the human race as a professor of our own species might lecture on the concretions of deep-sea corals, and continued swimmingly, as fishes usually do, until a white-whiskered Sea-Lion begged leave to make a motion, in the language of a motto of conduct which he had often heard shouted to seamen by their commanders: 'When you are in the navy, do as the knaves do.' 'Let us,' he added, 'act upon this principle of conformity, by doing amongst men as the many do, and immediately organize a fair to meet the salaries of our officers and pay the debt on the society building.'
”'But none of us need salaries,' objected the Lobster, 'and we have no debt.'
”'As to declining a salary because I do not need it,' replied the Sea-Lion, 'I can only say that I find no such example set by the race whose customs we are following; and without a debt, or at least a deficit in the accounts of our treasurer, the respectability of our society may well be questioned.'
”A committee of Codfish aristocrats was at once authorized to secure a debt of magnificent proportions, at whatever cost, and the salary of each member of the society was set according to his own estimates.