Part 17 (1/2)

Why Are Barns Red?

We first encountered this Imponderable when a listener of Jim Eason's marvelous KGO-San Francisco radio show posed it. ”Ummmmm,” we stuttered.

Soon we were bombarded with theories. One caller insisted that red absorbed heat well, certainly an advantage when barns had no heating system. Talk-show host and guest agreed it made some sense, but didn't quite buy it. Wouldn't other colors absorb more heat? Why didn't they paint barns black instead?

Then letters from the Bay area started coming in. Donna Nadimi theorized that cows had trouble discriminating between different colors and just as a bull notices the matador's cape, so a red barn attracts the notice of cows. She added: ”I come from West Virginia and once asked a farmer this question. He told me that cows aren't very smart, and because the color red stands out to them, it helps them find their way home.” The problem with this theory is that bulls are color-blind. It is the movement of the cape, not the color, that provokes them.

Another writer suggested that red would be more visible to owners, as well as animals, in a snowstorm. Plausible, but a stretch.

Another Jim Eason fan, Kemper ”K.C.” Stone, had some ”suspicions” about an answer. Actually, he was right on the mark: The fact is that red pigment is cheap and readily available from natural sources. Iron oxide-rust-is what makes brick clay the color that it is. That's the shade of red that we westerners are accustomed to-the rusty red we use to stain our redwood decks. It's obviously fairly stable too, since rust can't rust and ain't likely to fade.

The combination of cheapness and easy availability made red an almost inevitable choice. Shari Hiller, a color specialist at the Sherwin-Williams Company, says that many modern barns are painted a brighter red than in earlier times for aesthetic reasons. But aesthetics was not the first thing on the mind of farmers painting barns, as Ms. Hiller explains: You may have noticed that older barns are the true ”barn red.” It is a very earthy brownish-red color. Unlike some of the more vibrant reds of today that are chosen for their decorative value, true barn red was selected for cost and protection. When a barn was built, it was built to last. The time and expense of it was monumental to a farmer. This huge wooden structure needed to be protected as economically as possible. The least expensive paint pigments were those that came from the earth.

Farmers mixed their own paint from ingredients that were readily available, combining iron oxide with skim milk-did they call the shade ”2% red”?-linseed oil and lime. Jerry Rafats, reference librarian at the National Agricultural Library, adds that white and colored hiding pigments are usually the most costly ingredients in paints.

K.C. speculated that white, the most popular color for buildings in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries (see Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise? and Other Imponderables for more than you want to know about why most homes are and always have been painted white), was unacceptable to farmers because it required constant cleaning and touching up to retain its charm. And we'd like to think that just maybe the farmers got a kick out of having a red barn. As K.C. said, ”Red is eye-catching and looks good, whether it's on a barn, a fire truck, or a Corvette.”

Submitted by Kemper ”K.C.” Stone of Sacramento, California. Thanks also to Donna Nadimi of El Sobrante, California; Jim Eason of San Francisco, California; Raymond Gohring of Pepper Pike, Ohio; Stephanie Snow of Webster, New York; and Bettina Nyman of Winnipeg, Manitoba.

Why Are Manhole Covers Round?

On one momentous day we were sitting at home, pondering the imponderable, when the phone rang.

”h.e.l.lo,” we said wittily.

”Hi. Are you the guy who answers stupid questions for a living?” asked the penetrating voice of a woman who later introduced herself as Helen Schwager, a friend of a friend.

”That's our business, all right.”

”Then I have a stupid question for you. Why are manhole covers round?”

Much to Helen's surprise, the issue of round manhole covers had never been important to us.

”Dunno.”

”Guess!” she challenged.

So we guessed. Our first theory was that a round shape roughly approximated the human form. And a circle big enough to allow a worker would take up less s.p.a.ce than a rectangle.

”Nope,” said Helen, friend of our soon-to-be ex-friend. ”Try again.”

Brainstorming, a second brilliant speculation pa.s.sed our lips. ”It's round so they can roll the manhole cover. Try rolling a heavy rectangular or trapezoidal manhole cover on the street.”

”Be serious,” Helen insisted.

”O.K., we give up. Tell us, O brilliant Helen. Why are manhole covers round?”

”It's obvious, isn't it?” gloated Helen, virtually flooding with condescension. ”If a manhole were a square or a rectangle, the cover could fall into the hole when turned diagonally on its edge.”

Helen, who was starting to get on our nerves just a tad, went on to regale us with the story of how she was presented with this Imponderable at a business meeting and came up with the answer on the spot. With tail between our legs, we got off the phone, mumbling something about maybe this Imponderable getting in the next book. First we get humiliated by this woman; then we have to give her a free book. Isn't there any justice?

Of course, after disconnecting with Helen we did what any self-respecting American would do: We tortured our friends with this Imponderable, making them feel like pieces of dogmeat if they didn't get the correct answer. And very few did.

Of course, we can't rely on an answer provided by the supplier of an Imponderable, even one so intelligent as Helen, so we contacted many manufacturers of manhole covers, as well as city sewer departments.

Guess what? The manufacturers of manhole covers can't agree on why manhole covers are round. Some, such as the Vulcan Foundry of Denham Springs, Louisiana, immediately confirmed Helen's answer but couldn't resist throwing a plug in as well (”Then, again, maybe manhole covers are round to facilitate the use of the Vulcan Cla.s.sic Cover Collection”).

But the majority of the companies we spoke to said not only do manhole covers not have to be round but many aren't. Manhole covers sit inside a frame or a ring that is laid into the concrete. Many of these frames cover the hole completely and are not hollow, so there is no way that a cover any shape could fall into the hole.

Most important, as Eric b.u.t.terfield, of Emhart Corporation, told Imponderables, manhole covers have a lip. Usually the man hole cover is at least one inch longer in diameter for each foot of the diameter of the hole.

Round manholes are more convenient in other ways. Lathe workers find circular products easier to manufacture. Seals tend to be tighter on round covers. And Lois Hertzman, of OPW, a division of Dover Corporation, adds that round manholes are easier to install because there are no edges to square off.

Everyone we spoke to mentioned that many manholes are not round. Many older manhole covers are rectangular. The American Petroleum Inst.i.tute wants oil covers to be the shape of equilateral triangles (impractical on roadways, where this shape could lead to covers flipping over like tiddlywinks).

Engineers at the New York City Sewer Design Department could find no technical reason for round manhole covers. They a.s.sumed, like most of the fall-through theory dissenters, that the round shape is the result of custom and standardization rather than necessity.

So, Helen, we have wreaked our revenge. Perhaps your answer is correct. But then, maybe it is wrong. Maybe the real reason manholes are round is so that they can facilitate the use of the Vulcan Cla.s.sic Cover Collection.

Submitted by Helen Schwager of New York, New York. Thanks also to Tracie Ramsey of Portsmouth, Virginia; and Charles Kluepfel of Bloomfield, New Jersey.

10 New Frustables

In Why Do Clocks Run Clockwise?, we broke down and admitted we were haunted and rendered sleepless by our inability to answer some Imponderables that were sent to us. Often we found fascinating explanations, tantalizing theories, or partial proof. But burdened by the strict ethical codes that the custody of the body Imponderability places upon us, we can't rest until we positively nail the answers to these suckers.

So we asked our readers for help with the ten most Frustrating Imponderables (or Frustables, for short). The fruits of your labors are contained in the following pages. But before you get totally smug about your accomplishments, may we lay ten more on you?

These are ten Imponderables for which we don't yet have a conclusive answer. Can you help? A reward of a free, autographed copy of the next volume of Imponderables, as well as an acknowledgment in the book, will be given to the first reader who can lead to the proof that solves any of these Frustables.

FRUSTABLE 1:Why is Legal Paper 8 14?

We have located the first company to manufacture a legal-sized pad. We've also contacted the largest manufacturers of paper and stationery and many legal sources. But no one seems to know the reasons for lengthening regular paper and dubbing it ”legal size.” And yes, we know that many courts have abandoned legal-sized paper and now use 8 11.

FRUSTABLE 2: Why Do Americans, Unlike Europeans, Switch Forks to the Right Hand After Cutting Meat?