Part 5 (1/2)

”Forever isn't a word I use anymore.”

She watched his back as he went to the fire and needlessly prodded the logs. She couldn't panic, not now. He wouldn't take her seriously if she seemed hysterical. The last thing she wanted was for him to call her a child.

”Then I won't use it either,” she said as calmly as she could despite her dried throat. ”I could be with you. Period. Without having to wait for training nights, or worrying when I know you're hunting on your own.”

And she had worried a lot, in the past months. It seemed that every few weeks, one of his fights would take a turn for the worse and leave him with bruises or broken bones.

Still facing the fire, head down and back hunched, Elden seemed smaller than he truly was. When he answered, his voice was almost too quiet for Mierna to make out the words, yet the pain in them was all too loud.

”I won't watch you die like I did my other Childer.”

Her mind raging with too many thoughts at once, she stood and joined him. She raised a hand to rest it on his back, but he faced her suddenly and her hand landed on his chest. She left it there, amazed to find that he was trembling. ”You said I loved them, earlier, and you were right. Some vampires take the first pretty face that volunteers as their Childe without caring about who hides behind that face. I didn't. I knew each of them before I offered them to join me, and I knew what kind of vampires they would become. I promised them a life of battles. I promised them the night would be theirs, along with the respect of their people. I promised them forever.” His voice broke down, and his last words were rough as gravel. ”And instead of forever, all I gave them were graves.”

She could feel his pain, could understand, better than ever, why he still mourned after more than two centuries, but she couldn't give up so easily.

”There haven't been reports of vampires dying since the Great Death,” she said gently. ”You don't know that it would happen again.”

”But I don't know either that it wouldn't.” The fire that burned so often in his eyes when he took her blood lit up all at once. ”I won't risk losing you.”

It took Mierna a few seconds to realize what he wasn't quite admitting, and when she did she couldn't help smiling widely. He didn't want to sire her, but it wasn't because he didn't care enough about her as she had feared, quite the contrary.

”You like me,” she breathed, giddy and incredulous all at once.

Elden blinked, and then, very slowly, started smiling back. ”I do. I more than like you. Are you so surprised?”

”I had hoped, but...”

He brought a hand to her face and brushed a few strands of hair away from her forehead. She closed her eyes and leaned into the touch, reveling in the feel of his fingers combing through her hair. The overload of emotions was making her lightheaded.

”But what?”

”You only kissed me that one time.”

”I wanted to do it again. I wasn't sure you did.”

Her hand clenched on his tunic, bunching the fabric between her fingers. Opening her eyes, she looked up at his face. A tiny part of her couldn't help but worry that he might be teasing her-but no, that wasn't like him. She could see nothing but truth on his features.

She raised herself on her toes and pressed her mouth to his. Immediately, he wove his arms around her waist and pulled her tighter against him, deepening the kiss. Mierna made a small sound at the back of her throat, exhilarated. His mouth was cool at first, but it slowly warmed up at her contact, like the rest of his body.

When their mouths separated, she rested her cheek against his shoulder, unable to pull away completely.

All she could hear was the rapid thumping of her heart and the fire crackling behind her; all she could feel, the soft material against her cheek, covering his strength without hiding it, and the light run of his hand up and down her back. ”I wasn't sure either,” he murmured against the top of her head, ”that I'd be able to stop with just a kiss.”

His words sounded, all at once, like a promise and a plea. Mierna bit on her bottom lip for a second.

Everything she had been taught asked that she pull away now before she disgraced herself and her family.

But she had also been taught that women did not bear weapons, and yet the entire village recognized her for her actions as a Fighter. And while they had blamed her at first for seeking the help of a vampire, they had done the same in time and learned from Elden. Maybe it was time for her to let go of what others thought was the right thing to do and follow what her instincts told her was right.

”Maybe,” she whispered, and her voice trembled a little, ”you don't have to stop at just a kiss.”

The hand stroking her back stopped and remained still for a moment. Very gently, he placed a finger beneath her chin and tilted her head up. He searched her eyes even as he asked: ”Are you sure you know what you're saying?”

Mierna's cheeks felt as though they had caught fire. ”I am. I want this.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.

”I want you.”

Without warning, he bent down, slid his right arm behind Mierna's knees and picked her up. Startled, she threw her arms around his neck. She held on, perhaps more tightly than necessary, as he carried her to his bedroom. After the warmth of the common room, his chambers seemed cooler, but Mierna didn't mind, not when she felt heat everywhere her body touched Elden's. Like the first time she had entered the room, it was only lit by a couple of sap candles. The near darkness helped soothe Mierna's nerves, yet at the same time she wished she could have seen Elden's face better.

It didn't matter long, however, not when he was kissing her again and stealing her breath with the pa.s.sion of his kiss. He let her legs go but kept her close even as she continued to cling to him.

”You can still change your mind, Mierna.” He trailed his lips over her cheek them down her neck, pressing small kisses along his path. ”All you need to do-”

She couldn't form a word, not when her throat was tight and her mind swept by the storm of emotions he had roused, but she could show him she wasn't changing her mind. She slid her hands to the collar of his s.h.i.+rt and feverishly started tugging at the laces that held it closed. Her hands shook as she did, both from the realization that she was undressing a man and from her impatience at touching his skin. She was grateful when he helped, grabbing the hem of his s.h.i.+rt and pulling it over his head before letting it drop behind him.

Still trembling, she let her hands slide over the smooth plane of his chest. He let out a small humming sound when her fingers skimmed over his flat nipples. She retraced her path just to hear him again, then continued to explore his chest. She searched for a scar on his abdomen where she had wounded him just a year earlier, but could find nothing and moved on to caress the sides of his body. The entire time, he remained immobile in front of her. She could feel the tension in his body, all his muscles coiled and ready to act, and so she felt even more privileged that he was giving her this moment to discover him. Sliding over his shoulders, she let her fingers follow his arms down to his hands and took them in hers. With a deep, shaky breath, she guided them to the fastenings of her frock.

”Did you wear this for me?” Elden asked, his deft fingers unb.u.t.toning the row of small b.u.t.tons.

It wasn't just a frock, she wanted to say, but her best one, the one she wore on festivals and for big occasions. She only replied with a nod, however, still unable to say a word. ”I wish I had told you before how beautiful you are.” The b.u.t.tons now undone, he slipped his hands to her back and tugged loose the large bow that served as a belt for the frock. ”When we train, sometimes I have to force myself to look away because of the way you move. You can be very ... distracting.”

He pulled her frock up on the last word. Left to stand in front of him in nothing more than a s.h.i.+ft, stockings and shoes, Mierna s.h.i.+vered.

”Cold?” he asked right away. ”I can light a fire.”

”Or we could get under the blankets.”

The words didn't rise higher than a whisper, but Mierna felt a bit of pride at having overcome her shyness enough to make such a bold statement. Bending down, she pulled off her shoes, then her socks, but couldn't finish undressing with the weight of Elden's gaze on her.

”Close your eyes,” she requested.

She could see Elden smile, but he did as she asked. She pulled the s.h.i.+ft over her head in one quick motion and hurried to get beneath the bed's thick covers.

”You can open your eyes now.”

He did, and looked toward her, still smiling. ”Will you close your eyes? Or will you look?”

Before she could answer, he was leaning down to tug his boots off. She closed her eyes quickly-and had to open them again seconds later, too curious to resist. She swallowed hard at the sight of him, standing nude in front of the bed, his c.o.c.k jutting away from his body. A strange sensation slid over her, warming her skin and making her yearn for Elden's touch. She s.h.i.+fted back into the bed, making room for him, and he climbed in next to her. Lying on his side, he leaned toward her and pressed his lips to her mouth for a chaste, quick kiss, then kissed his way down to her collarbone.

She startled when he rested a hand on her knee, tensing in antic.i.p.ation, then relaxed again when his fingers remained light and gentle as they skimmed up and down her thigh. She wanted to return his touch.

Her nerves, however, were getting the best of her again, and all she could make herself do was rest a hand on his shoulder.

”Can I?” he murmured.

Her mind a little fuzzy, Mierna breathed her a.s.sent even though she wasn't sure what she was agreeing to. It wasn't long until she knew. The same hand that had been caressing her thigh slid farther up, tickling gently along her ribs and then coming up to cup her left breast. Her hand tightened on Elden's shoulder.