Part 20 (1/2)

”Jax, I don't feel that way at all. I don't at all think of you as a dirty secret. I can't even believe you would think that way,” I say, now feeling hurt.

He stops at a light and turns to me. ”I realize you don't want our relations.h.i.+p to hurt your career, but f.u.c.k, how are we supposed to make it work if you hide it?” he asks.

I twist my hands together, looking down at my lap. ”I'm sorry, I don't know what you want me to say. I'm not embarra.s.sed to be with you. s.h.i.+t, have you seen yourself? I just don't want to be judged,” I confess.

He shakes his head and takes off way too quickly when the light changes. ”You'll always be judged, I'll always be judged. When you're in the spotlight, that's what happens. You need to learn how to deal with it because we don't stand a f.u.c.king chance if you don't,” he harshly says.

I know he's right, but I don't want to be judged. I don't want people thinking I f.u.c.k my models.

”I'm sorry. You're right. It's something I need to work on,” I quietly say.

He glances at me, and I already see the change.

”Look, I know this isn't easy. You broke all your rules for me; without trying to sound conceited, I'm popular. I understand you being nervous, but you can't say you love me and then act like we're only friends when people are around. I don't work that way. I already told you, what we have is not like the f.u.c.king around the rest of them do,” he says blowing out a breath, and I reach over, resting my hand on his leg. He looks down at it before glancing at me.

”I get it, all right? It was f.u.c.ked up of me, and it's something I need to work on. I'm sorry I made you feel like s.h.i.+t, it was not my intention. You're right, it's not easy for me, not when I've believed one thing for so long, but I won't do that again. I do love you, and I never want to do something to hurt you,” I explain.

He brings down his hand and links our fingers together. ”I love you too, baby. I just don't want anything to stand in our way, because it's going to come out, and when it does, I want you to be able to hold your head high and say f.u.c.k you, we are in love. I'll tell you right now, that's what I'll be doing,” he says.

I smile and look at him, hoping that it's a long way down the road before that happens.

After the shoot and the argument, Jax showed me just how much he loves me a few times, and once this morning. He left to go to the gym before getting ready for his guys' night out. I got ahold of Brinley, and we made plans for the girls to come hang out here for a few hours for some food and drinks. That's what we're doing now, getting drunk.

”Kallie, come on, give us just a little something,” Nora begs. Right, and they're all trying to get me to talk about s.e.x with Jax.

”All right, all right,” I say. They all turn to me with smiles on their faces. I get a huge smile and giggle a little. ”You b.i.t.c.hes should be jealous, that's all I'm saying.”

They all moan, and I get hit with a few pillows while I crawl in a ball to avoid the barrage, laughing.

”s.h.i.+t, we really need to head out, guys. I have a shoot in the morning,” Brin says.

d.a.m.n, I hate for them to leave; we were having such a good time. It's been way too long since we all hung out like this. I understand though, we all have such busy lives. They all toss back the rest of their drinks while Nora calls a cab to come get them.

”I had a great time tonight. We definitely need to do this again soon,” I say.

Jackie puts her arm around me, and I lay my head on her shoulder.

”We definitely need to get together more. I miss you guys, but tonight was f.u.c.king awesome. Hopefully I'll be able to get a booty call in too,” Nora says.

I laugh at her and look over at Brinley. She shakes her head, letting me know she hasn't been with anyone, and I smile.

Once they all leave, I change out of my clothes and climb into bed in just my bra and panties. I can't even be bothered to get my pajamas on. I'm tired and pretty drunk. I lie down and check my phone to see if Jax texted me. Nothing. I'll admit I was hoping to hear from him at some point. I talked to him before he left, and I even texted him a picture earlier, but nothing back. I put my phone on my nightstand and roll onto my side. My bed definitely feels empty without him. I reach out, feeling the empty spot, and fall asleep shortly after.

I wake up to my phone ringing. I look at the time and see it's only six in the morning. I groan and feel around for my phone. When I find it, I hit talk.

”h.e.l.lo?” My voice is groggy with sleep so I clear my throat.

”d.a.m.n it, Kallie. I've been trying to get a hold of you,” Jax says.

I sit up quickly and realize I'm still in bed alone.

”Jax? What's wrong?” I ask, knowing from his voice it's something.

He blows out a breath, and my heart starts pounding in my chest.

”Baby, it's time to say f.u.c.k you,” he softly says. I feel like the wind is knocked out of me. Oh G.o.d, no. I kick the covers off me and rush to my computer. It doesn't occur to me to even check my phone, I'm so nervous. ”Kallie, you all right?”

I'm breathing heavily while the computer loads. ”I don't know.”

I'm sure that's not what he wants to hear, but I honestly don't know. I sign into Facebook, and it is all over. Pictures of Jax and me at the club, kissing, when he picked me up on the dance floor, when we leave holding hands. Pictures of us out to dinner, pictures of just Jax, just me. Comment after comment. No wonder Kallie Gregory gets all the good models, she f.u.c.ks them.' Jax Burke has lowered his standards.' Photographer using s.e.x to land big models.' I see I have seventy-two inbox messages, and I'm terrified to look at my email.

”Kallie, baby? Talk to me,” Jax whispers.

I feel my stomach turning, the comments, the photos, and I just let the phone slip out of my hand and smash to the floor. This is it. This is my biggest fear. Nothing will ever be the same. I'm finished.

Chapter Eighteen.

Jax As soon as I got home last night, I had every intention of taking a cab to Kallie's. I decided to go for a smoke first, and that's when Blake and Max came outside telling me I had better check Facebook. As soon as I pull it up and see the pictures of Kallie and me, I know she's going to freak out.

”f.u.c.k,” I mumble.

I don't even bother checking anything else. I close it and call her. It's late, after three in the morning, but I don't care. It keeps ringing and goes to voice mail. I don't know if she's ignoring me or sleeping. I call her over and over, never getting an answer. I wanted to drive over and pound on her door, but I figured I should wait.

”Jax, it's going to be fine, brother,” Blake says.

”I know that, you know that, Kallie is not going to know that. She's been dreading this, and now that it's happening, I don't know what the f.u.c.k will happen,” I say lighting another cigarette.

I keep calling her and nothing. She texted me earlier, I should have f.u.c.king checked my phone then.

”You know she's probably sleeping. You're getting all worked up for nothing. Maybe she won't even care,” Max says.

I don't even acknowledge him. I open Facebook back up and start reading. The comments are f.u.c.king horrible. They all making her out to be a s.l.u.t, sleeping with all her models.

”Yeah, you know what, Max? After she reads this s.h.i.+t, she won't care,” I say, unable to stop looking now.

Pictures of us in the club, out to dinner, and even ones from tonight out with the guys. Those are the best, people saying she dumped me, and I was out to mend my heart. Unf.u.c.kingreal.

Max and Blake stayed with me all night until I finally got a hold of her. They went inside, and I tried breaking it to her as lightly as possible. I could hear it in her voice, the fear, but I stayed on while she read it all. I heard the sound of the phone hitting the floor, and my heart sank.

That was three hours ago. I've been trying to get a hold of her since with no luck. I'm minutes away from driving over there, but to be honest, I'm still buzzed. I haven't slept yet, and it's making it worse. I've smoked almost a pack of cigarettes and been pacing the patio. Blake comes out and hands me a cup of coffee.

”Thanks,” I say and take a sip, willing it to sober me up.