Part 32 (1/2)

These operations helped save me from madness. As I manipulated the stones that destroyed the science of mathematics, more than once I thought of those Greek stones that were the first ciphers and that had been pa.s.sed down to so many languages as the word ”calculus.” Mathematics, I told my- self, had its origin, and now has its end, in stones. If Pythagoras had worked with these...

After about a month I realized that there was no way out of the chaos. There lay the unruly disks, there lay the constant temptation to touch them, to feel that tickling sensation once more, to scatter them, to watch them in- crease or decrease, and to note whether they came out odd or even. I came to fear that they would contaminate other things-particularly the fingers that insisted upon handling them.

For several days I imposed upon myself the private obligation to think continually about the stones, because I knew that forgetting them was possible only for a moment, and that rediscovering my torment would be unbearable.

I did not sleep the night of February 10. After a walk that led me far into the dawn, I pa.s.sed through the gates of the mosque of Wazil Khan. It was the hour at which light has not yet revealed the colors of things. There was not a soul in the courtyard. Not knowing why, I plunged my hands into the water of the fountain of ablutions. Inside the mosque, it occurred to me that G.o.d and Allah are two names for a single, inconceivable Being, and I prayed aloud that I be freed from my burden. Unmoving, I awaited some reply.

I heard no steps, but a voice, quite close, spoke to me: ”I am here.”A beggar was standing beside me. In the soft light I could make out his turban, his sightless eyes, his sallow skin, his gray beard. He was not very tall.

He put out a hand to me, and said, still softly: ”Alms, oh Protector of the Poor ...”

I put my hands in my pocket.

”I have not a single coin,” I replied.

”You have many,” was the beggar's answer.

The stones were in my right pocket. I took out one and dropped it into his cupped palm. There was not the slightest sound.

”You must give me all of them,” he said. ”He who gives not all has given nothing.”

I understood, and I said: ”I want you to know that my alms may be a curse.”

”Perhaps that gift is the only gift I am permitted to receive. I have sinned.”

I dropped all the stones into the concave hand. They fell as though into the bottom of the sea, without the slightest whisper.

Then the man spoke again: ”I do not yet know what your gift to me is, but mine to you is an awe- some one. You may keep your days and nights, and keep wisdom, habits, the world.”

I did not hear the blind beggar's steps, or see him disappear into the dawn.

The Rose of Paracelsus

De Quincey:Writings,XIII, 345*

Down in his laboratory, to which the two rooms of the cellar had been given over, Paracelsus prayed to his G.o.d, his indeterminate G.o.d-any G.o.d-to send him a disciple.

Night was coming on. The guttering fire in the hearth threw irregular shadows into the room. Getting up to light the iron lamp was too much trouble. Paracelsus, weary from the day, grew absent, and the prayer was forgotten. Night had expunged the dusty retorts and the furnace when there came a knock at his door. Sleepily he got up, climbed the short spiral stair- case, and opened one side of the double door.

A stranger stepped inside. He too was very tired. Paracelsus gestured toward a bench; the other man sat down and waited. For a while, neither spoke.

The master was the first to speak.

”I recall faces from the West and faces from the East,” he said, not with- out a certain formality, ”yet yours I do not recall. Who are you, and what do you wish of me?”

”My name is of small concern,” the other man replied. ”I have jour- neyed three days and three nights to come into your house. I wish to be- come your disciple. I bring you all my possessions.”

He brought forth a pouch and emptied its contents on the table. The coins were many, and they were of gold. He did this with his right hand. Paracelsus turned his back to light the lamp; when he turned around again, he saw that the man's left hand held a rose. The rose troubled him.

He leaned back, put the tips of his fingers together, and said: ”You think that I am capable of extracting the stone that turns all ele- ments to gold, and yet you bring me gold. But it is not gold I seek, and if it is gold that interests you, you shall never be my disciple.”

”Gold is of no interest to me,” the other man replied. ”These coins merely symbolize my desire to join you in your work. I want you to teach me the Art. I want to walk beside you on that path that leads to the Stone.”

”The pathis the Stone. The point of departure is the Stone. If these words are unclear to you, you have not yet begun to understand. Every step you take is the goal you seek.” Paracelsus spoke the words slowly.

The other man looked at him with misgiving.

”But,” he said, his voice changed, ”is there, then, no goal?”Paracelsus laughed.

”My detractors, who are no less numerous than imbecilic, say that there is not, and they call me an impostor. I believe they are mistaken, though it is possible that I am deluded. I know that thereis a Path.”

There was silence, and then the other man spoke.

”I am ready to walk that Path with you, even if we must walk for many years. Allow me to cross the desert. Allow me to glimpse, even from afar, the promised land, though the stars prevent me from setting foot upon it. All I ask is a proof before we begin the journey.”

”When?” said Paracelsus uneasily.

”Now,” said the disciple with brusque decisiveness.

They had begun their discourse in Latin; they now were speaking German.

The young man raised the rose into the air.

”You are famed,” he said, ”for being able to burn a rose to ashes and make it emerge again, by the magic of your art. Let me witness that prodigy. I ask that of you, and in return I will offer up my entire life.”

”You are credulous,” the master said. ”I have no need of credulity; I de- mand belief.”

The other man persisted.

”It is precisely because I amnot credulous that I wish to see with my own eyes the annihilation and resurrection of the rose.”

”You are credulous,” he repeated. ”You say that I can destroy it?”

”Any man has the power to destroy it,” said the disciple.

”You are wrong,” the master responded. ”Do you truly believe that something may be turned to nothing?

Do you believe that the first Adam in paradise was able to destroy a single flower, a single blade of gra.s.s?”

”We are not in paradise,” the young man stubbornly replied. ”Here, in the sublunary world, all things are mortal.”

Paracelsus had risen to his feet.