Part 6 (1/2)

As if we're at the slow-motion point in a movie, Jewel reaches across my body to my cheek. He pulls my face toward his. His fingers feel like hot ice. They're cold but they burn me.

My eyes close as he kisses me.

I kiss him back, a dream I've never had.

This kiss is so soft, it's almost like rain falling on my face.

I've never realized the softness of Jewel's hair before. His skin.

Jewel kissing me, me kissing him, feels like a rocket. Like blastoff.

Finally, I pull away.

I'm thinking we shouldn't be doing this. I'm thinking it feels too real. I'm thinking. Simon.

Jewel's eyes are talking. They sparkle, and say yes, and please.

It's the please that gets me. The glint of the question, of please kiss me again and please mean it and please let's be together.

Because with Jewel and me, anything more than this, more than one kiss, means we're a couple.

I'm thinking.

He says, ”Wow.”

I think, Tell me about it.

I think, Have you honed your mind-reading skills yet, 'cause I hope not.

He leans toward me.

He lets out his breath.

His lips are like the rain.

Ten, nine, eight.

The pressure in me builds.

Seven.

I push him away.

He closes his eyes. Leans against the stone of the troll.

He leans forward. He tells me everything with those eyes. He tells me I'm all he wants. He tells me I'm perfect.

I say, ”I better get home for dinner.”

He knows we don't eat till seven.

He shuts his eyes. Climbs down the troll's hill.

He pauses by the troll's gigantic thumb. He doesn't look at me again. He jumps to the sidewalk.

I watch him go.

My heart just beats and beats and beats and Jewel and I and- We really kissed. This heartbeat might be a happy roller-coaster rush if it had happened one week ago. But now. It's a two-guys-at-once-two-kisses-you-have-to-choose.

And I don't know if my heart can survive that kind of beating.

Chapter Six.

In sixth grade, I tell my Dove Girl, Jewel and I would sneak out of our houses at night and lie under the tree in my front yard. We'd pretend to be on another planet. All we could see were shadowed leaves and night-cloudy sky through the branches. Sometimes it rained on us. We wore our pajamas there; sometimes all I wore was a big T-s.h.i.+rt. We talked about things like life on Mars. We whispered.

Under the tree in the drizzle, we had our first kiss. My first kiss. His first kiss. Our first kiss.

But I don't actually count it as a real kiss. It was more of a peck. It didn't change anything between us.

Not like today at the troll.

When he kissed me for the second time ever today, it felt amazing.

His lips, like the soft rain.

But I pushed him away.

I just don't know. I don't know if I should kiss Jewel.

It's like we've always been one step away from Couplehood and kissing him is like a promise to him, that I'm saying we'll be in Couplehood for sure and forever.

And, okay, yeah, to me a kiss means a lot too.

I'm still thinking about it, aren't I? But should I be? Do I want to move to Couplehood with Jewel? Further into our coc.o.o.n? Or do I want to leave the coc.o.o.n? Does my answer change when I think about Simon Murphy?

One thing's for sure. My Dove Girl has sent me way more than I asked for.

At lunch on Monday, I sit alone. Jewel has lunch fifth period and I have it sixth. Clara and Jeremy don't show.

When Simon puts his tray down across from me, I sit up a little bit on my plastic stool. ”See ya” ”See ya” meant ”I'll sit with you at lunch in front of the whole world!” meant ”I'll sit with you at lunch in front of the whole world!”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Simon's crew at their usual table: Mike Corrigan and another guy arm wrestling, a girl shredding an orange with her manicured nails.

I'm looking at Simon and his dimple. Right by his lips.

I want to touch his skin. Just like I wanted to touch Jewel's yesterday.