Part 1 (2/2)

The PLAST. S. Yes, it _quite_ spoils the Cathedral, _doesn't_ it?

Couldn't it be taken down?

The VERGER (_in answer to another Inquirer_). Crowborough Cathedral finer than this, Sir? Oh, _dear_ me, no. I went over a-purpose to 'ave a look at it the last 'oliday I took, and I was quite surprised to find 'ow very inferior it was. The spire? I don't say that mayn't be 'igher as a mere matter of feet, but our lantern-tower is so 'appily proportioned as to give the effect of being by far the 'ighest in existence.

A TRAVELLED S. Ah, you should see the _continental_ cathedrals. Why, _our_ towers would hardly come up to the top of the naves of some of them!

The VERGER (_loftily_). I don't take no notice of foreign cathedrals, Ma'am. If foreigners like to build so ostentatious, all I can say is, I'm sorry _for_ them.

A LADY (_who has provided herself with a ”Manual of Architecture” and an unsympathetic_ COMPANION). _Do_ notice the excessive use of the ball-flower as a decoration, dear. Parker says it is especially characteristic of this cathedral.

UNSYMPATHETIC COMPANION. I don't see _any_ flowers myself. And if they like to decorate for festivals and that, where's the harm?

[_The_ LADY WITH THE MANUAL _perceives that it is hopeless to explain_.

The VERGER. The dog-tooth mouldings round the triforium harches is considered to belong to the best period of Norman work----

The LADY WITH THE MANUAL. Surely not _Norman_? Dog-tooth is Saxon, _I_ always understood.

The VERGER (_indulgently_). You'll excuse _me_, Ma'am, but I fancy it's 'erringbone as is running in _your_ 'ed.

The LADY WITH THE M. (_after consulting ”Parker” for corroboration, in vain_). Well, I'm sure dog-tooth is quite _Early English_, anyway. (_To her_ COMPANION.) Did you know it was the interlacing of the round arches that gave the first idea of the pointed arch, dear?

Her COMP. No. But I shouldn't have thought there was so very much in the _idea_.

The LADY WITH THE M. I do _wish_ you took more _interest_, dear. Look at those two young men who have just come in. They don't _look_ as if they'd care for carving; but they've been studying every one of the Miserere seats in the choir-stalls. That's what _I_ like to see!

The VERGER. That concludes my dooties, ladies and gentlemen. You can go out by the South Transept door, and that'll take you through the Cloisters. (_The Party go out, with the exception of the two_ 'ARRIES, _who linger, expectantly, and cough in embarra.s.sment._) Was there anything you wished to know?

FIRST 'ARRY. Well, Mister, it's on'y--er--'aven't you got some old carving or other 'ere of a rather--well, _funny_ kind--sorter thing you on'y show to _gentlemen_, if you know what I mean?

The VERGER (_austerely_). There's nothing in _this_ Cathedral for gentlemen o' _your_ sort, and I'm surprised at your expecting of it.

[_He turns on his heel._

FIRST 'ARRY (_to Second_). I spoke civil enough to _'im_, didn't I? What did 'e want to go and git the fair 'ump about?

SECOND 'ARRY. Oh, _I_ dunno. But you don't ketch _me_ comin' over to no more cathedrils, and wastin' time and money all for nuthink--that's all.

[_They tramp out, feeling that their confidence has been imposed upon._

[Ill.u.s.tration: ”What did 'e want to go and git the fair 'ump about?”]

[Ill.u.s.tration]

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