Part 5 (1/2)

A GOVERNESS (_instructively, to her charge_). Don't you think you ought to be very grateful to that poor sheep, Ethel, for giving up her nice warm fleece on purpose to make a frock for _you_?

ETHEL (_doubtfully_). Y--yes, Miss Mavor. But (_with a fear that some reciprocity may be expected of her_) she's too big for any of my _best_ frocks, _isn't_ she?

FIRST URCHIN (_perched on the railings_). Ain't that 'un a-kicking? 'E don't like 'aving _'is_ 'air cut, 'e don't, no more shouldn't I if it was me.... 'E's bin an' upset 'is bloke on the grorss, now! Look at the bloke layin' there larfin'.... 'E's ketched 'im agin now. See 'im landin' 'im a smack on the 'ed; that'll learn 'im to stay quiet, eh?

'E's strong, ain't 'e?

SECOND URCHIN. Rams is the wust, though, 'cause they got 'orns, rams 'ave.

FIRST URCH. What, same as goats?

SECOND URCH. (_emphatically_). Yuss! Big crooked 'uns. And runs at yer, they do.

FIRST URCH. I wish they was rams in 'ere. See all them sheep waitin' to be done. I wonder what they're finkin' of.

SECOND URCH. Ga-arn! They _don't_ fink, sheep don't.

FIRST URCH. Not o' anyfink?

SECOND URCH. Na-ow! They ain't got nuffink to fink _about_, sheep ain't.

FIRST URCH. I lay they _do_ fink, 'orf and on.

SECOND URCH. Well, I lay _you_ never see 'em doin' of it!

[_And so on. The first Shepherd disrobes his sheep, and dismisses it with a disrespectful spank. After which he proceeds to refresh himself from a brown jar, and hands it to his comrades. The spectators look on with deeper interest, and discuss the chances of the liquid being beer, cider, or cold tea, as the scene closes._

[Ill.u.s.tration]

CATCHING THE EARLY BOAT.

_In Bed; At the Highland Hotel, Oban._

What an extraordinary thing is the mechanism of the human mind! Went to sleep last night impressed with vital importance of waking at six, to catch early steamer to Gairloch. And here I am--broad awake--at exactly 5.55! Is it automatic action, or what? Like setting clockwork for explosive machine. When the time comes, I blow up--I mean, _get_ up.

Think out this simile--rather a good one.... Need not have been so particular in telling Boots to call me, after all. Shall I get up _before_ he comes? He'll be rather surprised when he knocks at the door, and hears me singing inside like a lark. But, on reflection, isn't it rather _petty_ to wish to astonish an hotel Boots? And why on earth should I get up myself, when I've tipped another fellow to get me up?

But suppose he forgets to call me. I've no right, as yet, to _a.s.sume_ that he will. To get up now would argue want of confidence in him--might hurt his feelings. I will give him another five minutes, poor fellow....

_Getting up._--No actual necessity to get up yet, but, to make a.s.surance doubly--something or other, forget what--I will ... I do. Portmanteau rather refractory; retreats under bed--quite ten minutes before I can coax it out.... When I have, it won't let me pack it. That's the worst of this breed of brown portmanteaus--they're always nasty-tempered.

However, I am getting a few things into it now, by degrees. Very annoying--as fast as I put them in, this confounded portmanteau shoots them out again! If I've put in that pair of red and white striped pyjamas once, I've done it twenty times--and they always come twisting and rolling out of the back, somehow. Fortunate I left myself ample time.

Man next door to me is running it rather fine. _He_ has to catch the boat, too, and he's not up yet! Hear the Boots hammering away at his door. How _can_ a fellow, just for the sake of a few more minutes in bed--which he won't even know he's _had_!--go and risk losing his steamer in that way? I'll do him a good turn--knock at the wall myself.

”Hi! get up, you lazy beggar. Look sharp--you'll be late!” He thanks me, in a m.u.f.fled tone, through the wall. He is a remarkably quick dresser, he tells me--it won't take him thirty-five seconds to pack, dress, pay his bill, and get on board. If that's the case, I don't see why _I_ should hurry. I've got much more than that _already_.

_At the Quay._--People in Oban stare a good deal. Can't quite make out reason, unless they're surprised to find me up so early. Explain that I got up without having even been called. Oban populace mildly surprised, and offer me neckties--_Why?_

Fine steamer this; has a paddle-wheel at _both_ ends--”because,” the Captain explains, ”she has not only to _go_ to Gairloch--but come back as well.”