Part 16 (2/2)
_MRS. FLITTERMOUSE'S Drawing-room in Park Lane. Everybody discovered drinking tea, and chatting on matters totally unconnected with Philanthropy._
MRS. FLITTERMOUSE (_imploringly_). Now, _please_, everybody, _do_ attend! It's quite impossible to settle anything while you're all talking about something else. (_Apologies, protests, constrained silence._) Selina, dear, what do you think it would be best to begin with?
The DOWAGER LADY DAMPIER. My dear Fritilla, I have no suggestion to offer. You know my opinion about the whole thing. The people don't want to be elevated, and--if they did--entertaining them is not the proper means to set about it. But I don't wish to discourage you.
MRS. FLITT. Oh, but I think we could do so _much_ to give them a taste for more rational and refined amus.e.m.e.nts, poor things, to wean them from the coa.r.s.e pleasures which are all they have at present. Only we must really decide what each of us is going to do.
MRS. PERSE-WEAVER. A violin solo is always popular. And my daughter Cecilia will be delighted to play for you. She has been taught by the best----
CECELIA. Oh, Mother, I couldn't, really! I've never played in public. I _know_ I should break down!
LADY DAMP. In that case, my dear, it would be certainly unwise on your part to attempt it.
MRS. P.-W. Nonsense, Cecilia, nonsense. You _won't_ break down, and it wouldn't matter in the least if you did. _They_ wouldn't notice anything. And it will be such excellent practice for you to get accustomed to a platform, too. Of _course_ she will play for you, dear Mrs. Flittermouse!
MRS. FLITT. It will be _so_ good of you, Miss Weaver. And it won't be like playing to a _real_ audience, you know--poor people are so easily pleased, poor dears. Then I will put that down to begin with. (_She makes a note._) Now we must have something quite different for the next--a reading or something.
LADY HONOR HYNDLEGGS. A--nothin' _humorous_, I hope. I do think we ought to avoid anythin' like descendin' to their level, don't you know.
MR. LOVEGROOVE. Might try something out of _Pickwick_. ”_Bob Sawyer's Party_,” you know. Can't go far wrong with anything out of d.i.c.kens.
MISS DIOVA ROSE. Can't endure him myself. All his characters are so fearfully common; still--(_tolerantly_) I daresay it might amuse--a--that cla.s.s of persons.
MRS FLITT. I must say I agree with Lady Honor. We should try and aim as high as possible--and well, I think _not_ d.i.c.kens, dear Mr. Lovegroove.
_Tennyson_ might do perhaps; he's written some charmin' pieces.
MR. LOVEGR. Well, fact is, I don't go in for poetry much myself. But I'll read anythin' of his you think I'm equal to.
MRS. FLITT. Why--a--really, it's so long since I--and I'm afraid I haven't one of his poems in the house. I suppose they are down at Barn-end. But I could send to Cutt and Hawthorn's. I daresay _they_ would have a copy somewhere.
MISS SIBSON-GABLER. Surely Tennyson is rather--a--retrograde? Why not read them something to set them _thinking_? It would be an interesting experiment to try the effect of that marvellous Last Scene in the _Doll's House_. I'd love to read it. It would be like a breath of fresh air to them!
MRS. P.-W. Oh, I've seen that at the Langham Hall. You remember, Cecilia, my taking you there? And Corney Grain played _Noah_. To be sure--we were _quite_ amused by it all.
MISS S.-G. (_coldly_). This is _not_ amusing--it's a play of Ibsen's.
MRS. FLITT. Is that the man who wrote the piece at the Criterion--what is it, _The Toy Shop_? Wyndham acted in it.
LADY DAMP. No, no; IBSEN is the person there's been all this fuss about in the papers--he goes in for unconventionality and all that. I may be wrong, but I think it is _such_ a mistake to have anything unconventional in an entertainment for the people.
MRS. FLITT. But if he's being _talked_ about, dear Lady Dampier, people might like to know something about him. But perhaps we'd better leave Ibsen open, then. Now, what shall we have next?
MISS SKIPWORTH. I tell you what would fetch them--a skirt-dance. I'll dance for you--like a shot. It would be no end of fun doin' it on a regular platform, and I've been studyin' Flossie Frillington, at the Inanity, till I've caught her style exactly.
[Ill.u.s.tration: ”To-night is ours!”]
MR. KEMPTON. Oh, I say, you can give her a stone and a beatin' any day, give you my word you can. She doesn't put anythin' like the go into it you do.
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