Part 10 (1/2)

aI have a question for you.a aAye?a aThe Lady, Gemas mother a Flow said she faded and went away. Where did she go?a Their spoons stilled in their hands.

aAwaa,a said Constant.

aWhaur, we canna tell ye,a said Trusty.

aIf I could bring her back, would he wake?a aIf that didna wake him,a said Constant, anaethina would.a aCan ye dae it?a asked Trusty, his voice vibrant with sudden hope.

aWhen I was in the isles, I did call a being of some power. He was dear to the Hag, like a husband. But when I did it, he was quite close by, under the sea. In my mind, I could feel my way through the water and find him.a aNeryn,a said Constant, aI dinna want tae tell ye this, but the Lord, heas the only one will know whaur the Lady went. And he canna tell ye until he wakes. The truth, itas hidden inside him; tucked awaa deep like a s.h.i.+ning jewel in the heart oa stane.a The image was powerful. As I considered it, an answer came with such force that I sprang to my feet, almost upsetting my porridge bowl. aThe magic of stone! Thatas what heas done, anch.o.r.ed himself in stone, made himself part of it, and hidden the sorrow away inside.aa Stane moves awfua slow, Whisper had said. Never mind that; I must work as I had never worked before. aIam going to need your help,a I told them.

PERHAPS I SHOWED A CONFIDENCE I DID NOT truly feel, for once I had explained what I intended, it was not only the Twa who helped me but the entire household. I had them move the Lord out of the vast hall and into the chamber he had shared with his Lady, a s.p.a.cious room but far smaller than the other, with hangings to soften the walls. At my request a fire was kindled on the hearth and oil lamps were brought in to banish the shadows. The Lord of the North lay on his bed, as still and remote as ever.

I asked that we be left alonea”the Lord, the Twa, and me. There were to be no interruptions. We entered the chamber and shut the heavy door behind us.

Constant and Trusty took up their usual positions, spears in hand. I stood by the Lordas bed, took his cold hand in mine, and shut my eyes. Somewhere within the stony chill of the sleeping man, there was life. Somewhere within the fearsome spell that locked him away, there was a person who had loved, and loved well. A fine person, one who had earned the devotion of his household, a devotion that had endured through three hundred years of waiting. I would not call him; every instinct told me that was wrong. But if I could find his Lady in his thoughts, if I could find something that convinced me her return would wake him, I could call her.

I went through the long preparation the Hag had taught me: breathing, concentration, awareness. But I changed the manner of it. I did not seek the fluid, ever-s.h.i.+fting movement of water now, but the heavy, monumental existence of stone. Not dancing, spraying, flowing, cras.h.i.+ng, but waiting, holding, staying, being. I stood immobile, my breathing slow and slower, searching. Within the stillness that wrapped the Lord of the North, I sought the little signs of movement and change. For the wisdom of the north was not only that of stone, but also of earth, and from earth springs life. If he was a rock, monumental and still, I would be a growing tree, and as a tree sends its roots deep into the earth, I would find a way to the secrets at his heart. When I was ready, I made my mind a seed, lying in the winter ground as snowstorm and windstorm harried the mountains above. I felt the little death that was the cold season. I felt the spring thaw; I felt the ground soften and warm around me, and I stretched out tiny roots into the soil and pushed a single green shoot into the air. I am alive. I rise from earth. I am the awakening of Albanas deep heart.

Rain fell on me; breezes stirred me; wandering goats nibbled at my leaves. Seasons pa.s.sed and pa.s.sed, and I thrust my roots deep into the ground, finding ways between the stones, gripping tight, winding and binding and fastening myself there. In my crown, generation on generation of birds nested. Martens climbed my trunk and raised their young in my hollows. Autumn by autumn, my leaves changed color and dried up and fell to form heavy drifts around my feet. My seeds were carried by wind and bird and insect; my children flew far and wide, settling in their own soil. Spring after spring saw my new leaves sprout, the fresh green of hope. Kings and chieftains rode by me on their proud horses; sheep grazed around me; farmers and herdsmen rested in my shade. Fey folk too visited me, joining hands to dance around my trunk, making crowns from my leaves, living in my canopy. Good Folk, respectful of my gifts, wise in ancient ways.

I grew old, old beyond human measure. My strength waned; insects ate at my core, and my branches grew brittle, snapping in autumn gales. A storm toppled me; I fell to lean against a younger tree, grown from my seed. Mosses crept over me. Small creatures found a refuge in my decaying wood. Beetles dwelt in the shadowy recesses beneath my great body. In death, I was wrapped in life. And underground, in the caverns of Albanas heart, my roots still held fast.

aDinna ye think,a whispered someone, athat thereas a bittie mair warmth in his cheeks?a aAye,a murmured someone else, aand a touch oa light in his eaen, would ye noa say?a I sucked in a breath, opened my eyes, felt my knees give way. Before I could fall, Constant was on one side and Trusty on the other, holding me up. They helped me to a bench by the fire. The chamber was moving around me, even when I was sitting still. It might have been morning or night; I might have been standing there for days.

aNot finished,a I managed. aCanat a rest aa aYead best taka a bite tae eat and a wee sip oa mead,a Constant said. aYe been standina there lang. For a human la.s.sie, verra lang.a The household knew I wanted no distractions. Trusty went off to fetch food and drink. When he came back in, Tali was waiting at the door to escort me to the privy.

aAll right?a She frowned as she scrutinized my face.

aMm.a I was too tired to think, let alone have a conversation. Besides, if I started to talk about this, I might lose any belief that what I was attempting would actually work.

aYou donat look it. Make sure you call if you need me. Iall be right outside the door.a aWhat about a?a aScar and the others can manage without me.a aYou need nota”a aYes, I do.a I took to sleeping as Constant and Trusty did, in short s.n.a.t.c.hes when I could no longer keep my eyes open. There was a shelf bed by the wall, probably intended for the Ladyas maidservant, and that was where I lay, under the fur cloak I had been given when I first came here. The Twa were too tall to use this bed, but took turns to stretch out on the floor.

I lost track of the pa.s.sing days and nights. From that first delving, when I sought a pathway into the Lordas enchanted sleep as a tree would search for a crevice through which to slip its root, I moved deeper and deeper, searching for traces of the Lady. For all my weariness, I found it easier each day to sink into the state of trance; I felt the weight of earth in my body, its slow rhythms in the beating of my heart, and in my bones the endurance and strength of stone. I was no longer hungry, though the Twa made me eat. I became patient. Day by day, as Tali took me to use the privy, to wash, to change my clothing, I saw that the lines on her face were deeper and her eyes more troubled, but I did not think of the pa.s.sage of time or of what it might mean for us. I was not aware of thinking much at all.

Step by slow step I moved down the pathways of the Lordas mind. Day by day, night by night, I walked there, and saw revealed, as bright spots in the darkness, the things he had loved, the things he had lost, the good things he had chosen to set aside. Gem was everywhere: a tiny babe, her cheek peach-soft under her fatheras astonished touch; a dark-haired child, tossed high in the air, laughing in delight; a quicksilver girl, full of curiosity; a frowning student, bending over a great scroll with questions in her eyes. Gem running. Gem climbing. Gem playing a little harp. Gem casting a spell and turning a cat to stone. Gem shouting at her father. Always that: the furious words, the swirl of her long hair as she stormed out of their workroom. She left me. My Gem left me. The last thing I ever said to my daughter was, Disobedient wretch! If you cannot master yourself, how will you ever master your craft?

The Lady was more elusive. From the Twa, I learned that her name was Siona, and that she came from the far north, land of eternal ice. But I did not see her anywhere in the Lordas thoughts; it was as if the loss of Gem had erased his wife from his memory.

aDid they have a falling-out?a I asked the Twa on a day when frustration had made me give up my quest early enough to take supper by the fire with them, all of us weary and despondent. aA quarrel? Did they part on bad terms?a It was hard for me to accept, still, that the Lady had chosen to walk away when her man was sunk in his grief.

aHe loved her weel,a Trusty said. aAnd she was right fond oa him. But after Gem died, they had words. Words that would hae been best left unsaid.a aTell me, if you will.a aHe blamed himself. If head heeded Gem, if he hadna shouted at her, if head done this or that different a He couldna see past that. Aa tangled up in it, he was.a aThe Lady reminded him she was grievina too,a Constant said. aBut he was deaf tae her; he was fua up wia his ain hurt. She waited awhile, and he didna seem tae change. So she told him that while she was by him, she couldna heal.a aHe didna listen. The next day he woke up and couldna find her. Asked us where she was; didna believe us when we told him. Nine-and-ninety days he waited for her to come tappina on the door, fua oa contrition. But she didna. So he lay doon, and ye know the rest.a aWhy is it ye need the story?a The Twa had been keenly interested in what I was doing, and so were the folk beyond the closed door. Iad been giving Tali brief reports on my progress, which she shared with the rest of them; apparently they hung avidly on every word.

aHis mind is full of Gem; in particular, his argument with her before she ran out and fell to her death. Sometimes I see his life before, but nearly always with her. Lady Siona simply isnat there. This will be the first time Iave tried to call someone when I have no idea where she is. And the first time Iave done it when the person is probably far away. Without an image of her in my mind, I donat know how I will go about it.a They had described her to me, of course. Like moonlight, Constant had said. Like a willow, Trusty had added. That was not much help.

aYe might speak tae Flow,a Constant said now.

Tali, true to her word, had been keeping guard outside the door. She came with me to find Flow in her small, warm chamber, and I explained my difficulty.

aHe doesna think oa her at aa?a The little woman was working on a pair of shoes, tiny needle flas.h.i.+ng as she embroidered a delicate pattern of leaves and tendrils. aAye, weel, mebbe that isna sae surprisina. Heas set her awaa deep as deep, hopina he willna need tae look at what heas done. If he hadna been sae wrapped up in his ain grief, head hae seen the twa oa them needed each other. He didna understand until it was too late. And then he couldna face the truth: that he had driven her awaa.a aYou think thatas what holds him so long in this spell? But what if I summon her and she doesnat want to be here? Surely, if she really wanted to come back, shead have done so long ago. And what if she comes and he still doesnat wake up?a Flow lifted her gaze from her handiwork. aI canna answer that, la.s.sie. Ane thing, I can help ye wia.a There was a big basket in the corner; she moved to sort through the contents, then returned to the fireside with a folded cloth in her hands. aYe wanted the image oa Lady Siona. I crafted this soon after she came here as his bride; it hung on the waa by their bed, but when he fell intae his lang sleep, I set it awaa for safekeepina. A guid likeness.a Unfolded, the cloth revealed an embroidered picture of a slender fey woman in a white gown, standing by a window through which pale light streamed. The st.i.tches were small and fine. Lady Siona might have been standing there in miniature, so real did she seem. Her hair was wheaten fair and rippled over her shoulders in waves; her eyes were palest green, her face heart-shaped, with a sweet mouth and a small, straight nose. She was somewhat like Gem, but at the same time very much herself.

aOa course, sheall be aulder now,a Flow said, running a hand over the embroidery. aOor folk are lang-lived; but time and sorrow will hae made their mark.a Tali gasped. I felt my eyes widen. The image had changed under Flowas fingers, the Ladyas hair now touched with silver, her face still beautiful but older, wiser, her eyes shadowed with sadness. I was reminded sharply that this place was not Shadowfell, and its folk were not of humankind. I gazed at Sionaas embroidered features, trying to fix them in my mind.

aYe can taka this wia ye, Neryn. Get the Twa tae put it back on the waa. Then sheas wia him, even if he thinks he doesna want her.a After a moment Flow added, aYe might try a different approach. Feel the way, noa wia your mind, but wia your heart. Havena ye ever had a fallina oot wia someone ye loved weel? A quarrel that made a gulf between the twa oa ye, and caused ye tae wish ye could wipe your mind clean oa him, and yet deep down, despite all, he was still as dear tae ye as ever?a She and Tali were both looking at me. I felt my cheeks flush.

aAye, ye ken weel what I mean,a Flow said, saving me from the need to answer. aCould be true love is the key ye need tae unlock the Lordas last secret. Tae find your pathway in. Iall be biddina ye guid night now.a It was late; on the threshold of the Lordas chamber Tali stopped me, putting a hand on my arm. aYou look terrible, Neryn. Pasty, thin, worried, a shadow of yourself. Donat tell me youare going to try this tonight, without resting first.a It was a fair comment. I was so tired I could hardly think straight. aTali, how long have I been doing this? How many days have pa.s.sed?a Her hesitation was an answer in itself. aQuite a few,a she said eventually. Unspoken was the fact that while the Lord slept, I could not learn from him; that we needed to get home to Shadowfell before the season made it impossible.

aYouave finished your work here already, havenat you? Teaching those warriors how to use their long winters profitably. Learning all about their weaponry.a aDonat add me to your concerns.a She attempted a rea.s.suring smile. aI thought it might do you good to go outside for a bit, that was all. Fresh air and exercise. Sitting in that chamber all day and all night isnat doing your fitness any favors.a I managed a smile of my own. aThereas no choice,a I said. aWhen we get home to Shadowfell, Iall practice hard to make up for it.a aHereas a suggestion. For this one night at least, have a proper sleep and tell those two fellows to do the same. I can stand guard in their place, if they want that. Iall have an army of volunteers to keep me company. Tomorrow, come out for a walk with me before breakfast. It need not be long. I want you to see the sunlight, even if itas only for a short time.a aIf you insist.a aI do. I donat want to have to spend another winter running up and down the Ladder with you. Besides, Flint told me in no uncertain terms to look after you. Head hardly be impressed if he could see you now.a A speaking pause. aTrue love, hmm?a aShe wasnat talking about me.a aAh, well,a said Tali lightly, awhat would I know?a Next morning she led me out of the Lordas subterranean hall, with Scar as a guard, and up a winding pathway between the rocks to a level vantage point. We watched the sun rise over the mountains, brightening the wide bowl of the sky and touching the clouds with rose and gold. For a while we sat in silence; Scar leaned on his spear at a little distance. Although I had done as Tali suggested and lain on my bed all night, my sleep had been fitful, full of tangled thoughts of failure and disappointment. And I had dreamed of Flint, a disturbing dream in which he stood before the king and underwent an interrogation that turned his face white and made him bunch his hands into fists.

aAbout Flint,a Tali said now, as if she had read my thoughts.

aWhat about him?a aDid he explain his mission in the isles to you?a That she trusted Scar was obvious; she made no attempt to lower her voice.

I thought of that brief, precious time on Far Isle, when I had spent a night in Flintas arms. aNo,a I said. aDid he tell you?a When had that been possible?

aHe was under orders to kill a man. He told me while you were sleeping. He didnat do it. Instead, he made the fellow disappear. Arranged for the local folk to spirit him away. The target was his old mentor.a aThe mind-mender? I thought he was dead.a aOld and frail, but still living. And still a powerful influence on the folk of the isles, who, as you noticed, are of a different breed from the folk of the mainland.a I could hardly think what to say.

aThe king couldnat have known before the Gathering,a Tali went on, aor Flint would have faced a much harsher penalty than having to perform a public enthrallment, even of a difficult individual like me. But there are folk at court who donat trust him, and whoave made that fairly clear to him. A perilous path.a aHe shouldnat have rushed back to see if I was safe. That must have aroused suspicion, however plausible an excuse he thought of.a aIf heas not more careful, one day heall take a step too far,a Tali said. aHe could be his own destruction, and maybe yours as well. In my mind, true love is overrated as a solution to practical problems.a We sat on awhile, not talking, then made our way back down to the Lordas hall. The position of the sun made it sharply clear that autumn was advancinga”I had been many long days closeted with the Twa, sending my creeping tendrils through the hard stone of the Lordas mind. Today, I prayed. Let it be today that I find the key.

In the Lordas chamber the fire was burning on the hearth, the floor was swept clean, and the embroidered image of Siona looked down at us from the wall. The Twa were waiting for me.

aToday, ye think?a asked Constant.

aDinna push the la.s.sie; she canna tell ye if itas today or tomorrow or some other day,a said Trusty.

aJust sayina.a aIf I find her today, I call her,a I told them. aWhether she will come, and whether he will wake, thereas no telling.a To begin with, it was like so many other days. The long preparation, the breathing, the sinking deep. The slow reaching out, searching within the forbidding stone of the Lordas mind for the wee pathways in, the cracks and c.h.i.n.ks still open to the pa.s.sage of thoughts and feelings, memories and dreams. The images I had seen so often before, his daughter in all her moods, his beloved Gem; the day he lost her, and the guilt that would not go away.

Love, I thought. Love heals all. And I made an image of Flint, whom I loved above all others: Flint tending to me in a little hut halfway up the Rush valley, Flint keeping one eye on me as he stirred a pot of porridge, Flint risking everything to s.h.i.+eld me from harm. Flint on the jetty when the Hag brought me back from the skerry, with his heart in his eyes. Flintas body against mine. Flint calling me my heart.

I searched again for Siona, a trace of s.h.i.+ning hair, a soft pale gleam, a pair of green eyes, a wistful smile on lips surely made for laughing. And there she was, playing a game with her little daughter: Siona hiding behind a tree trunk, her white gown clearly visible while Gem hunted here and there, calling. Siona jumping out to catch up her daughter and whirl her around. The image faded, and here was another: Siona by her window, as in the embroidery; Siona turning to greet her husband, rising on tiptoes to kiss his cheek, her hands light on his shoulders. Siona smiling, with an invitation in her green eyes. I need you. The thought was so powerful I staggered, almost letting go of the Lordas hand. I need you! Come back to me!

It was time. His longing flowed through me, as strong as living stone, as urgent as true love itself. I opened myself wholly to it, let it take me, sent it out to the woman who walked through my mind and his, wherever she might be. Come home, Lady Siona! Your Lord needs you! Come now!

The Twa told me later that my call was silent; at the time I did not know if I was shouting or singing or only calling to her in my mind. Afterward I fainted. I came to on my little bed to find Constant wiping my face with a damp cloth while Trusty hovered behind him with a mead cup in his hand. The chamber was as before, the fire burning on the hearth, the picture of Siona looking down on her sleeping husband. I sat up gingerly; my head was throbbing and my limbs felt as if they belonged to someone else, perhaps a rag doll.

aDinna try tae talk,a Constant said. aYeare lookina peaky.a aYe did it, aye?a asked Trusty.

I took the proffered mead, drank, felt somewhat restored. aI tried, at least.a But had it worked? Might we wait days and days, as the Lord had, only to discover that she was not coming back?

Trusty moved to set the mead flask down, and halted in his tracks. aHis eaen,a he whispered. aHis eaena”theyare shut.a It was true; the Lordas eyes no longer stared blankly upward, but were s.h.i.+elded by their heavy lids.

aBreathina still,a Trusty said, laying his hand on the Lordas chest, abut sleepina noo. Guid sleep, ye ken?a A tear ran down his broad cheek. aAye, sleepina like a babe.a He knelt down by the bed, laying his big hand over the Lordas cold fingers.

aSheas comina,a Constant said in a tone of awe. aYeave done it.a I opened my mouth to tell them they should not get their hopes up, that this might be only coincidence, but before I could speak, someone knocked on the door. We had laid down the rules so clearlya”no interruptions at all while I was workinga”that all three of us turned our heads at once, and now even I was tight with antic.i.p.ation.

aOpen it, Constant.a He slid the bolt back and swung the heavy door open, and there she was, with what looked like the entire household behind her: a tall, slender fey woman in a white gown, her hair a blend of gold and silver, her face as sweet as in Flowas embroidery, but shadowed with the pa.s.sing of time and the bearing of a great sorrow. Around her brow was a circlet of pale flowers. Siona did not ask to be let in; she did not say a word. Constant gave a little bow, scrubbed his hand over his cheeks, and stepped back so she could walk past. Trusty rose to his feet and came to stand beside me; I had tried to rise, but my legs would not hold me.

Siona ignored us all. She stepped over to her husbandas bed, sat down on the edge of it, and reached out a graceful hand to touch his forehead, his cheeks, his strong mouth, as if relearning him. There was tenderness in her fingers as she brushed them across his closed eyes, then stroked his dark hair where it fell back from the strong forehead. There was love in her eyes, a love that acknowledged the errors of the past and forgave them. I held my breath as she bent forward and kissed him on the lips.

He stirred; he opened his eyes, and they were no longer blank, but full of all he had held trapped inside, full of all that had not been said, all that had played on him during the long years of silence. He opened his mouth to speak, and Siona laid her fingers across his lips.

aWeall be awaa, my lady,a Constant said quietly. aCome on, Trusty. Neryn, can ye walk?a When it was obvious I could not, he picked me up bodilya”not difficult for such a gianta”and bore me out of the chamber, with Trusty coming behind. It was the first time the Twa had been away from their Lord, both at once, since the day I had met them. As Constant carried me toward my bedchamber, as careful as if I were a basket of eggs, I fell asleep in his arms.