Part 6 (1/2)

”Anyway,” I continued, ”I ran to help you anda”” I was interrupted by a much louder snort than my own. I ignored it and continued. ”So as I got close to you, I mean near you, I fell into your Delve and that's how I landed on . . . This really could be seen as your fault.”

I found myself taking a step back at the same exact moment that Trevor took one in my direction.

There was a slight drawl in his voice as he asked, ”So you were trying to save me?”

He was drawing closer and if I moved back too much farther I'd be standing in the pond. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing; I could feel the heat flaring up in my cheeks.

”Well, I appreciate your worry.”

I couldn't tell if he was being sincere or sarcastic. He was within a foot of me now and I needed to look up to meet his gaze.

”What I wanted to know was, why were you spying on me in the cemetery?”

”Oh.” I bit my lip. ”I don't know why I was there.” I thought about it a moment. ”Did you know it was me? I mean, did your past self know it was me in the woods or did you always go around threatening people?” I didn't add that from what I knew of him in the afterlife, it was completely believable.

”Do you always snort?” he asked.

He was outrageous, the master of deflection. I could feel a vein pulsing in my temple.

”Me? Did you not hear the snort that came out of your nose?” I demanded.

The chuckle rumbled from someplace down in his gut. It rolled up and out and bounced around me. He was laughing. For the first time, he wasn't hard and angry. My tongue felt dry from the breeze blowing into my gaping mouth. A piece of me wanted to be angry that he was making fun of me, but that smile was like light reflecting off the snow on a crystal clear day. I was hypnotized by it, blinded.

”I'm not a beast,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching.

”Sure acted like one,” I fired off without thinking.

”Ha.” He threw back his head. ”I think I like you better with a backbone.”

”Hey, I've always had a backbone.” I glared at him, trying to distract myself from the hummingbirds doing loop-the-loops in my stomach. Where did those little birds come from? I tried to concentrate. ”I, on the other hand, was just wondering where you've had that smile stashed.”

I sucked in some air for fortification and took a step forward. Shoot, he didn't back up. Now we were almost nose-to-nose. Actually it was nose-to-chest. All the breath I'd taken in came rus.h.i.+ng back out and piled up against the place on his T-s.h.i.+rt where he displayed his witty slogans. G.o.d, I hoped it was minty fresh.

”Fair enough,” he said. ”I came here angry.”

Neither of us budged and the hummingbirds were going all ADHD on me now.

Breaking the spell, he rocked back and knelt down to tie his shoe. I took that moment to remind myself to breathe.

”I emerged from the lake right after you arrived. I could see you, the back of you, heading up to the Haven with Mel and I think I just imprinted my anger on you. I had no idea who you were, but I could barely control it. Then . . .” He tugged the lace of his shoe free and started tying all over again.

I finished the thought for him. ”Then I Delved and you discovered that manslaughter was a pretty decent reason to hate me.” I plopped myself down on the ground next to him.

”I've got two questions for you,” I said.

”Just two, huh? I've got more than that for you.” He chuckled. How could I respond? It was just outright weird to be having a semi-pleasant conversation with him.

”Fire away,” he said, facing me straight on. The pale blue staring back at me was caught between emotions that I couldn't read or understand.

I fingered my necklace, running the charm swiftly back and forth across the chain. ”Okay. I understand why you're so angry with me.” I stopped. His arm was tossed casually over his knee and he was chewing on a blade of gra.s.s, watching me in a way that made goose b.u.mps run up and down my arms. ”But why were the sparks flying between you and Oliver from the start?”

”I don't know. Something ignited when I came face-to-face with him.” His knuckles cracked under the pressure of his fingers. ”During this last Delve, the me from the past was flooded with thoughts of him. I think some of the emotions were more complicated than just grief.” He picked at the worn threads on the knee of his jeans, causing a hole to appear. ”I'm not sure what it meant because the Elliot in the past interrupted me.”

I ignored his implication of blame. This was the first truce we'd acquired and I didn't want to crush it.

”So did the past-life Trevor know that it was me in the trees?” I asked, repeating my original question.

”I only knew it was you because I know you now. Back then, the other Trevor had no idea who was stalking him.”

”I wouldn't call standing quietly in the trees stalking!” I said, my voice getting higher.

”I probably wouldn't have either, but past-life me was thinking that you'd been there every day for a week. I guess you were freaking him out.”

I pulled a pen out of my pocket, grateful for the ability to create something to keep my nervous fingers busy. I started tattooing the sole of my shoe.

”I don't know what it all means either,” Trevor continued, ”but I think that Mel is probably right.”

I couldn't help it, another snort snuck out. ”Sorry,” I said, trying not to do it again.

”As I was saying,” Trevor continued, ”it might be better if we do this together. I'll try to put my anger aside.”

I clicked the top of my pen up and down. ”You've been doing a little better while we've been sitting here,” I said.

”I can't make any promises.”

I could hear the underlying edge in his voice. Mean, angry Trevora”that guy could show up again at any time. I wasn't going to fool myself about that, but there was something about this new Trevor who smiled. He reminded me of the brother he'd been at the Basin. Obviously, we would never be friends, but maybe a truce wasn't out of the realm of possibility.

”Trevor, I have one last question.”

”You've used up your allotment for the day, but I'm feeling charitable.” He almost grinned as he pushed a thatch of hair out of his face.

”What made you change your mind? Why are you giving me a chance?” I asked. Before I could blink, I was. .h.i.t with a Delve faster and harder than any I'd experienced previously. I was catapulted into the past.

a a a There was a knock on the door, but there was no waiting.

”Elliot?” Mom called as she walked in. There was concern etched in deep lines all over her face.

For years I'd watched my mother's fantastic rituals in front of the mirror, creams and serums applied to keep her skin looking young. A lifetime of faithful care had been erased in moments. My mistake had aged my mother, hardened her. The weight of it was on her face and she seemed as if she could barely hold it.

My breath caught as my dad followed my mom into my bedroom. I'd hardly uttered a word since that single scream of terror had lodged itself in my throat weeks before. I knew that the silence caused my mom and dad to panic, but I couldn't seem to get control over my voice. I was drowning in my own horror.

It was agonizing to watch my dad pretend to be brave. I was well aware that he always adjusted his face before he walked into my room. I wasn't fooled. At night I could hear him down in the den. When he thought the world was asleep, the sounds of his weeping traveled through the lonely house. Heaving gasps would rise out of him as he realized he couldn't fix things for me, his only child.

I wanted to block it out. Instead I listened to his anguish and watched my mom's torment. It was part of my punishment.

It would never be enough.