Chapter 280 - My SI Stash #80 - Bit Of A Stretch, But Doable by Philosophysics (MyHeroAcademia) (1/2)
-A fun Pre-MHA fic~ SI as Danjuro Tobita, the Gentle Criminal. Our MC somehow reminds me of Michael Scott thanks to his ”parkour” teaching job, even though the story seems kind of crackish at first, it's still really worth your time!
Sypnosis: I really wish I remembered canon better than this. Instead, I'm making so many butterflies that I could be a migration unto myself. I'm supposed to be a side character! How'd I become a Mentor Archetype to f.u.c.k.i.n.g Deku!? Wait. Does that mean I'm going to die!? I don't want to die! Not again!
Rated: M
Words: 15K
Posted on: forums.spacebattles.com/threads/bit-of-a-stretch-but-doable-bnha-si-as-gentle-criminal-set-before-canon.841385/#post-66556526 (Philosophysics)
PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (´ー｀)
-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)
Chapter 0+1
Fate and destiny are dead. They are very, very f.u.c.k.i.n.g dead. And I killed them. By accident. I was going to do it, but only when it was convenient to me. It was going to be cold, calculated murder, not some stupid f.u.c.kup of an accident!
I wanted to enjoy it! Instead, fate and destiny is dead and my bullshit isekai cheat of having read the manga has been negated. Not completely, but enough for me to have a panic attack about it. You know what? Let's slap on an existential crisis too on it. And let's give myself a minute or two to enjoy this anxiety. Start.
The future is unknowable, demand refunds on any and all prophecies, punch gypsies and seers, and get piss ass drunk because I have f.u.c.k.i.e.d up canon before canon even properly started, f.u.c.k me in the ass with a f.u.c.k.i.n.g dildo! A cat one. With spikes. For that extra bit of pain.
”Uh, Mr. Danjuro?” the plump, motherly lady asked meekly, hand tightening on her son's shoulder, ”Is it okay if Izuku tries this class?”
She had a nice body, a classic BBW MILF if there ever was one. Pardon my lewdity, but I'd tap that THICCness. Except I won't. Because her hair is green and so is her son's hair. And since I'm in the world of f.u.c.k.i.n.g My Hero Academia, this meant that these were the Midoriyas. I wish this was a logical ruse because I'm going to f.u.c.k up canon so bad otherwise.
Shit. Shit. Aaaaaand Shit.
Today was a quiet day. It was Wednesday. Nobody really came to Knucklebuster's Gym on weekdays for classes. At least nobody who wanted independent one on one stuff. Trust the one pair to do so to be the one pair that fate and destiny seemed determined to wrap themselves around. Damn Pillar of Peace nonsense. And damn the old man for calling in favors. F.u.c.k.i.n.g hell.
...I'm overreacting. Nothing has changed yet. You know, besides me interacting with the main character before canon is sure to be a problem. However, I didn't do that much yet! I can still escape by saying no. I should say no. In fact, I am going to say no.
Opening my mouth, I made the mistake of glancing down at the mini-greenhead. F.u.c.k.i.n.g hell, Deku from before UA was a f.u.c.k.i.n.g Woobie if there ever was one. Stop looking at the ground as if you wished for it to swallow you up. You're too sad! You're making me sad! ...I almost wanted to--
No! I had to steel myself! Opening my mouth, I bowed my head in apology, saying, ”Of course, it's fine.”
...Wait. Wrong words.
”Oh thank you!” Ms. Midoriya gasped, making a move for a hug before aborting it with an awkward giggle. Tapping her son's shoulder, she leant down and whispered, ”Say hi, Izuku.”
Milling about for a bit, he muttered, ”Hi.”
Defeated, I decided to just fall back into my old routine when dealing with shy and anxious kids. By being the loudest thing in the room.
”Hi, I'm Danjuro Tobita!” I shouted, I have three years of experience teaching parkour!”
Stepping back, I jumped backwards and did a series of backwards flips on the mats. Reaching the edge, I used the recoil from the last one to bounce up an onto a balance beam and began running across it, shouting, ”Parkour is the ancient art of traveling from one point to another in the shortest route possible, using the environment to your advantage! Think obstacle courses made up by the world!”
Reaching the edge of the beam, I leapt across and up to grab the rope and began pulling myself up as I did so, ”It's an essential skill to become a hero these days! Or so I'm told.” Reaching the top, I grabbed the steel beam the rope was attached to and began pulling myself across the edge, grunting, ” Even if you don't plan on becoming one, it's a great way to keep fit and traverse the world. Don't be scared off by the fancy tricks such as flips or the height!”
Looking down, I judged that I was right above the stunned faces of the Midoriyas. Swinging my legs a bit, I threw myself back as I let go, falling into a drop. Hitting the ground feet first, I rolled backwards, across the shoulder blades, making sure to tuck my chin, and popped back up into a T-Pose for balance and bombasticity. Smiling, I bowed, ”We start small and build our way up! It's the only way to do things here! We go at your pace, so don't be scared!”
A bit of a long winded speech and needlessly flashy performance, I was proud of it. It had served me well these past three years working at the gym. While showing off my personality, it introduced my certification to the parents, proved it to the kids with the stunts I performed, and introduced the subject I would teach. It was so good that my boss used it as a basis for the Herotube Ad. We have… an embarrassingly large number of views. It never failed to work on getting kids pumped for my class.
See? Green Bean was grinning! Though, when he saw me looking at him, Izuku immediately returned to staring at the ground. Ugh, your defenses were stupid high.
Still, I had another trick. Winding my arm, I punched towards the lockers, stretching my arm forward to grab my Hydroflask. Catching the returning hand with my other, I unscrewed it and took a sip before grinning, ”My Quirk is Rubberman. I can stretch like a rubberband! Wha-- Whoa!”
My plan was to show off my quirk, then get him to show off his. It never failed to work. Kids loved talking about themselves and Quirks was something intrinsic to each kids personality. While I think it was an unhealthy extent, it was a great way to get kids talking. It never failed to act as an icebreaker.
My tactic did its job in getting Izuku talking, but… well, he was mostly talking to himself.
”A stretchy arm? Does it refer to all of his body? Or is it merely his limbs? Is his whole body elastic? Is it truly rubber or an approximation of it? Is he immune to electrical attacks? If so to what voltage? Truly, an elastic body would be heavily suited to the rigorous stresses that parkour would induce on the body. Would that make him better or worse at teaching? Many of the difficulties that one would encounter would be rendered moot by his bodily composition. However, looking at it another way, he could be perfect as he would have the capability of practicing higher level techniques at an earlier stage,” was the only bit I caught before his mouth sped up too fast and too low for me to understand. HIs hands fidgeted as if he was writing.
That was some detailed analysis.HIs muttering was kind of terrifying, if cute. Kowai Kawaii? Laughing, I waved at him, ”Whoa. Whoa. Slow down.”
Closing his mouth with a clack, Izuku immediately started bowing, chanting, ”I'm so sorry!”
”It's fine! It's fine. You're a smart kid. That was some snappy analysis. How about you tell me your name and Quirk first though.?”
”Izuku…” he answered before mumbling something inaudible.
Turning my head, I cupped my ear as I joked, ”Didn't quite catch that last part.”
”Quirkless.”
I froze. Wait. That's not right, he had One For All, right? ...Ahaha, f.u.c.k me with that cat dildo, now I remember! All Might gave him a quirk because he was Quirkless. Or maybe it was that he was a good hero? Either of those or it was a mixture of both. Maybe I shouldn't freak out about derailing canon, seeing as I don't remember something as important as that. In my defense, it's been six years since I woke up in this body and actually read the thing. My memory of it is fuzzy at best.
Wait! Forget Canon! I just made a huge faux pas. I feel bad now. I really hope I didn't hurt him too badly.
”Mr. Danjuro?” Izuku looked up at me with fragile hope in his eyes.
...F.u.c.k.i.n.g Deku. You are far too sad like this. ...I'm sure it's fine if I just gave you a bit of a… push? Right? Yeah, should be fine. Everybody needs a push from time to time. I'm just… going to give a small one. TIny one that won't even affect canon that much.
Shaking my head to clear it of any lingering worries, I squatted down to his level and placed two hands on his shoulders. Looking him straight in the eye, I asked softly, ”Hey. Izuku?”
”Yeah?” he said, fidgeting a bit, but ultimately looking me in the eye.
Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself as I… nudged canon a bit and gave him a push, ”I know you just met me, but I'm going to say something important. Even if this is the first and last time we meet, I want you to remember this.”
”Um,” he looked at his mother for assurance. I didn't look, just stared at Izuku as he returned his gaze to me and shrugged, ”Okay?”
”It doesn't matter that you're Quirkless,” I stated. Taking a hand, I poked him in the chest, continuing, ”You're alive. And that's what matters. What you do with your life is what matters. This class will be hard for you. I'll try my best to make it easier on you, but you're going to have to work ten times harder to earn the respect of your peers. Me? I��ll see you for what you do and I'll teach, correct, and praise accordingly. But I'm not always going to be there. So I'm going to ask you to be strong. Come to me for help if the other kids are pricks. I'll do what I can. If you come to my class, all I ask is that you try your best. Your own best. Don't look at the others just yet. Not until you look at yourself with pride. It doesn't matter if you're Quirkless. You'll find a way so long as you keep at it, Izuku. Life is going to be hard, but you've made it this far. And you've done great. Keep it up.”
I was gasping a bit at the end, having just word vomited the rest of my speech after the 'you're alive' bit. Keeping a steady pace and forcing my anxiety down, I waited for him to say something, anything. He just stared at me with some indescribable emotion.
Finally, I looked down and sighed, ”Sorry, if that's wei---”
My shirt was wet. And I'm being constrained. Wait. nope. Just a hug. Just a really wet, snotty hug by Deku. Looking up to the ceiling of the warehouse, I awkwardly patted his back.
It only made him sob harder. Yay. And his mother is sniffling. I forgot how weepy the Midoriyas were in canon. Whelp, only way things can get worse was--
”WHAT DID YOU F.U.C.K.I.N.G DO, TOBITA!?”
And there's my boss. Whelp, shit.
Chapter 1
”And he just starts sobbing onto you!?”
Nodding energetically, I parroted, ”So the kid just starts sobbing onto me, Aiba! Super awkward.”
Lowering the bar onto her chest once more, she heaved and lifted the 45 kg barbell straight up, dropping it into the rests with a clank. Sitting up, she coughed in exhaustion for a bit before staring at me, stating, ”What the f.u.c.k, Tobita.”
Jotting down her reps onto the progress tracker, I shrugged defensively, ”Hey, not my fault. Kid's a crier.”
Grabbing a towel to wipe off, the pig-tailed woman leaned back, pink sports bra heaving as she caught her breath. Recovering, she stood up to go to the next machine and asked, ”So what happened after?”
Following along with her, I flipped pages and did the calculations for the calories burned and what we should focus on next, answering, ”Well, I apologized to the mom. Funny thing was that she apologized to me at the same time. We ended up laughing it off.” Looking up, I saw that Aiba was running on the treadmill, ”You sure you want to do the treadmill again?”
”I promised Fuyumi that I'd go out drinking later,” Aiba shrugged, feet beating a steady clip on the treadmill, ”Figured this would be as good a warmdown as any. Also I want to know more about this new kid.”
Tilting my head, I nodded as I processed that logic. I could see that. Peeking over, I copied down the numbers on the treadmill. ”Anyways, I had the kid do a few exercises to figure out what level he was at.”
”How'd he do?”
”Abysmal. And also f.u.c.k.i.n.g terrifying,” I shivered as I remembered how angry Knucks got at me after that incident. With my luck, that incident was going to be a tiny sample of what it'd be like coaching Deku in parkour.
”What do you mean?”
I grimaced as I recalled how shitty his physical prowess was. ”Well, his strength sucks. He could only do five pushups before collapsing. Couldn't even do a pullup. And he's stiffer than f.u.c.k.i.n.g steel when we stretched.”
Aiba winced sympathetically, remembering her start at the gym. Putting on an awkward smile, she offered, ”Well, uh… That doesn't sound so bad?”
”Well, yeah,” I nodded in agreement, ”I've taught seniors how to do parkour.. With time, effort, and the right method, anybody can get in shape and do parkour. But it's terrifying because the kid has no self preservation.”-Tapping the treadmill, Aiba was on, I grinned-”I put him on a treadmill, put it at the speed for kids and told him to jog. Guess how long he ran for?”
Rolling her eyes at my dramatics, Aiba nevertheless asked the question, ”How long?”
”Half an hour. Kid ran three miles on his first try on the treadmill with no prior training. And he did it at a constant speed.”
”Bullshit! Didn't you just say he could barely do five pushups?”
”Yeah. He started wheezing after three minutes, but when I moved to stop it, he glared at me not to. I waited for him to stop on his own. Big f.u.c.k.i.n.g surprise when he didn't. Well, he did, but he had to knock himself first.” And wasn't that just a surprise. He somehow cut himself on childproofed plastic too so that was fun. Gods above, I really, really hope I can wean him off of that… What was that meme about Deku? The one with broken bones? Leg day? Oh right! Bone hurting Juice. Going to have to wean him off that bone hurting juice.
I feel old not remembering that. It's hard to believe I've lived in the world of MHA for almost a decade now.