Part 6 (1/2)

THE SICK MAN (_eagerly_)--I suppose my temperature's way up again, hey?

I've been seeing things this afternoon and talking to myself.

THE NURSE--No; your temperature is almost normal.

THE SICK MAN (_incredulously_)--Almost normal?

THE NURSE--Yes; under a hundred.

She goes out quickly and quietly. The Sick Man turns to his fat friend.

THE SICK MAN--What do you make of that? Less than a hundred. That oughtn't to make me see things; do you think so?

THE FAT MAN--Well, I'd just as soon not be called a thing. Up there I'm called good old Death. Some of the fellows call me Bill. Maybe that's because I'm always due.

THE SICK MAN--Rats! Is that the joke you promised me?

THE FAT MAN (_pained beyond measure_)--Oh, that was just a little unofficial joke. The joke's not like that. I didn't make up the real one. It wasn't made up at all. It's been growing for years and years. A whole lot of people have had a hand in fixing it up--Aristophanes and Chaucer and Shakespeare, and Mark Twain and Rabelais--

THE SICK MAN--Did that fellow Rabelais get in--up there?

THE FAT MAN--Well, not exactly, but he lives in one of the most accessible parts of the suburb, and we have him up quite often. He's popular on account of his after-dinner stories. What I might call his physical humor is delightfully reminiscent and archaic.

THE SICK MAN--There won't be any bodies, then?

THE FAT MAN--Oh, yes, brand new ones. No tonsils or appendixes, of course. That is, not as a rule. We have to bring in a few tonsils every year to amuse our doctors.

THE SICK MAN--Any shows?

THE FAT MAN--I should say so. Lots of 'em, and all hits. In fact, we've never had a failure (_provocatively_). Now, what do you think is the best show you ever saw?

THE SICK MAN (_reminiscently_)--Well, just about the best show I ever saw was a piece called ”Fair and Warmer,” but, of course, you wouldn't have that.

THE FAT MAN--Of course, we have. The fellow before last wanted that.

THE SICK MAN (_truculently_)--I'll bet you haven't got the original company.

THE FAT MAN (_apologetically_)--No, but we expect to get most of them by and by. Nell Gwyn does pretty well in the lead just now.

THE SICK MAN (_shocked_)--Did she get in?

THE FAT MAN--No, but Rabelais sees her home after the show. We don't think so much of ”Fair and Warmer.” That might be a good show for New York, but it doesn't cla.s.s with us. It isn't funny enough.

THE SICK MAN (_with rising interest_)--Do you mean to say you've got funnier shows than ”Fair and Warmer”?

THE FAT MAN--We certainly have. Why, it can't begin to touch that thing of Shaw's called ”Ah, There, Annie!”

THE SICK MAN--What Shaw's that?

THE FAT MAN--Regular Shaw.