Part Vii Part 24 (1/2)
At last Banta says, ”BAHUT HO GAYA. SAFED WALA GHORA MERA, KALA WALA TERA”
From: Chandra Shekhar Santa Singh went to the Doctor and complained that he was aching all over.
”Where exactly are you hurting?”, asked the doctor.
Santa Singh replied, ”All over my body, Doctor.” He touched his left hand with his forefinger, ”It hurts when I touch here”. He touched his right leg. ”It hurts here also.” He touched his back, arms, stomach - everywhere and said it hurt in all places.
The doctor took some x-rays and said, ”Santa Singh! I've caught your problem! You have a sprain in your forefinger!”
From: Jasmeet Singh
Once Lallo Prasad Yadav Went to america. Bill Clinton treated him very nicely and arranged for his stay in the very best hotels. He took him for dinner in the very best of resturants, but naturally Laloo had to go to the loo. So Bill showed him the latest toilet with electronic b.u.t.tons. When he pressed the 1st b.u.t.ton two hands came and took of his pants and underwear, then he finished what he had come for. Then the 3rd b.u.t.ton made the two hands arrive again and wash him. Another b.u.t.ton made him wear his pants.
Now after a long stay Laloo went back home. After some time Bill came to india. Now Laloo was very upset because he knew what kind of toilets existed here. But he said he would manage somehow. When Bill came he wanted to go to the loo too and so Laloo showed him the way to the toilet. Bill saw 5 b.u.t.ttons inside very similar to those in the American toilet. He was impressed and used them the the same way. He came out satisfied and expressed appreciation on the toilet and the fact that the hands were ver y realistic. Meanwhile, Laloo Prasad Yadav quickly washed his hands!
From: Karan Agarwal
Ek sardarji Gujarat ke platform pe kada hua tha aur woh station wala ne announce kia ke bombay jane wali train abhi platform pe 5 minute me anewali hai. Jub yeh sardarji ne suna to woh to bada hi dar ke mare gabra raha tha aur hairan ho gaya. To usne bachne ke liye railtracks pe kud ke khara ho gaya.....
From: Falguni Desai
Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven.
Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there.
”So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?” Santa replied, ”Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tommorrow's match!”
From: Deepa
Nawaz Sharif comes to Delhi for a meeting with Vajpayee. After dinner Vajpayee says to Nawaz Sharif, ”Well Nawaz, I don't know what you think of the members of your Cabinet, but mine are all bright and brilliant.”
”How do you know that?”, asks Nawaz Sharif.
”Oh well, it's simple”, says Atal. ”They all have to take special tests before they can be a minister. Wait a second”. He calls Advani over and says to him ”Tell me Advaniji, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”
”Ah, that's simple”, says Advani, ”it is me!”
”Well done Advani”, says Vajpayee and Nawaz Sharif is very impressed. He returns to Islamabad and wonders about the intelligence of the members of his Cabinet. He calls in his favourite member of cabinet and asks, ”Tell me, who is the child of your father and of your mother who is not your brother and is not your sister?”
The minister thinks and thinks and doesn't know the answer. ”Can I think about it a bit further Nawaz, and let you know tomorrow?”. ”Of course”, says Nawaz Sharif, ”You've got 24 hours.”
The minister goes away, thinks as hard as he can, calls in his Cabinet Secretary, Chief Secretaries and Joint Secretaries, but no-one knows the answer. Twenty hours later, the member of Nawaz's cabinet is very worried - still no answer and only 4 hours to go. Eventually he says,”I'll ask Ben.a.z.ir, she's clever, she'll know the answer.” He calls Ben.a.z.ir on the phone, ”Ben.a.z.ir, tell me who is the child of your father and of your mother, who is not your brother and is not your sister?”.
”Very simple”, says Ben.a.z.ir, ”it's me!”
”Of course” says the Cabinet member and rings Nawaz Sharif. ”Nawaz”, says he, ”I've got the answer... it's Ben.a.z.ir Bhutto!”
”No, you idiot”, says Nawaz Sharif, ”it's Advani!”
From: Rohit This sardarji kept staring at his computer screen for quite a while. To break the long pause another guy comes to him and asks, ”Why are you simply staring at it... why don't you do start working?” Sardarji replies, ”Take a look at the screen...”. The other guy looks and there displayed is the message ”Press any key to continue”.
The man asked ”So what?”
The Sardarji replies, ”Look, this d.a.m.n keyboard doesn't have the 'Any'
key!...How do I continue now...”
From: Mili
How do you keep a sardarji busy?
Ask him to sit in the corner of a round room .or better still write PTO on both sides of a paper and hand it over to him.
From: Aroop M.Cherian
Three guys are standing on a street corner in New York talking about how much each makes. One is a Gujarati, one is a Sindhi and the other is a Sikh. Suddenly a crazed b.u.m comes up to them. In his hand he holds a hypodermic needle. ”Listen!” he says to the gujarati, ”I have this here hypodermic needle and guess what. It's contaminated with HIV. I'm going to stab you with it if you don't give me all of your money.” ”Hai re,” says the gujarati, pulling his cash from his wallet, handing it to the b.u.m,”
here's $10. Please just don't stab me.”
The Sindhi guy is next. ”See this hypodermic needle? I stab you with it and you'll be talking to jhoole lal twenty to thirty years ahead of schedule,”
says the b.u.m. ”Here sir,” says the Sindhi guy pulling a stack of bills from his wallet, ”$100. Please just don't stab me.”
The sikh is next. ”See this needle”, says the b.u.m,”It's infected with HIV.”
”I have no fear of you!” The sikh says to the b.u.m. ”I am a Sikh! The son of a lion. Stab me with the needle if you want. But i will not give you even a single note of my hard-earned paisa!” ”A tough guy huh?” says the b.u.m. He jabs the sikh right in the a.s.s with the HIV needle and bolts away.
The Gujarati and Sindhi are in awe of the Sikh's display of bravery. ”Why didn't you give the b.u.m your money?” they ask. The sikh wets his thumb and starts counting the pile of bills in his thick wallet. ”I have nothing to fear. I am wearing a condom.”
From: Kanwer Anand
This was in 1988 during Rajiv Gandhi and Zial Haq days. Once when Rajiv went to Pakistan on a state visit , Haq showed him the state-of-the-art telephone system of Pakistan. Rajiv Gandhi even made a call to h.e.l.l and spoke to his mother Indira Gandhi for about 10 minutes. The bill came to just 1 Pakistani Rupee and he was highly impressed by Pakistan's telephone system. After coming back to India he ordered the ministry of communications to come up with an equally good system in record time so that he too could show it to Zia Haq. Indeed when the Pakistani came to India , Rajiv Gandhi showed him the telephone system. Zia Haq spoke to Bhutto in h.e.l.l for about 10 minutes. The bill came to 300 Indian Rupees.
Zia Haq made a sarcastic remark about the cost of the call to h.e.l.l being so expensive . Rajiv Gandhi was furious and wanted to know why the call to h.e.l.l was so expensive. The engineers immediately discovered the reason - a call to h.e.l.l from India is a long distance call, but from Pakistan its a local call on ly!!