Part Ix Part 93 (1/2)
Lonely Frog.
A lonely frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and asked what his future holds.
His Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: ”You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled, ”This is great! Will I meet her at a party?” he croaks.
”No,” says the psychic, ”in biology cla.s.s.”
Male Race Horse.
The young male racehorse came from a long line of winners, and did wonderfully in time trials. However, in actual races he proved a little too romantic, and could never quite bring himself to pa.s.s a mare.
So one day the trainer went to him and told him he'd have to be castrated. The young horse, knowing that it was either this or the glue factory, took it philosophically. After all, having the operation was almost a certain guarantee of a long and ill.u.s.trious racing career.
After a short recovery period, the horse was again run in time trials, and found to do as well as ever. But the first time he actually ran in a race, he only went about ten paces, before getting a dejected look on his face, turning around, and ambling back to the starting gates.
”What's the matter?” asked the trainer, ”you were doing great!” ”Yeah, well how would you feel” replied the horse, ”if five thousand people took one look at you and shouted 'they're off!'”
Mating Bull.
A man takes his wife to the stock show. As they start heading down the alley that had all the bulls, they come up to the first bull's stall and the sign in the stall read: ”This bull mated 50 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, ”He mated 50 times in a year. You could learn from him.”
They proceed to the next bull and his sign read: ”This bull mated 65 times last year.”
The wife turns to her husband and says, ”This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month! You can learn from this one, too.”
They proceeded to the last bull whose sign said: ”This bull mated 365 times last year.”
The wife's mouth drops open and she says, ”WOW! This one mated 365 times last year. That's ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one.”
The man turns to his wife and says, ”Go up and ask his owner if it was 365 times with the same cow.”
Neighbor's Rabbit.
One afternoon while doing some work in the garden I noticed my dog dragging something under the fence. Upon inspection, to my dismay, I realized it was the next door neighbors' daughter's rabbit.
For years I had watch her come home from school and head straight out to its cage, free it and play with it in the garden. I knew today would be no different and fearing for our dog, I had to think fast. The rabbit was quite dirty, as if it had put up quite a struggle, so I washed it off with the hose, combed it with the Dog brush and blew it dry with the leaf blower. Upon finis.h.i.+ng its grooming I jumped the fence and replaced back in its cage hoping its death would be written off as ”natural causes”.
Within the hour the neighbor's car pulled in and out popped the little girl, and as usual she headed straight for the cage. Only this time she stopped about six feet away and screamed ”DDDAAADDDDDYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Her father, panic stricken, stood looking at the cage. Being the good neighbor that I am I rushed to fence and asked if there was anything I could do. Her father less than calmly blurted, ”What kind of sick individual would dig up a little girl's dead rabbit and put it back in it's cage?”
Nesting Squirrels.
At the government buildings in London, a guard had flinched and his C.O. had seen and walked up to him and said: C.O.: Jones!! Did I just see you flinch Jones?!?
Jones: Yes sir.