Part 19 (1/2)

”Because,” said Whistlebinkie, ”I was afraid if he didn't he'd begin to talk like me and that would be perf'ly awful.”

X.

THE ALPS AT LAST

When the Unwiseman came out of the carpet-bag again the travellers had reached Switzerland. Every effort that Mollie and Whistlebinkie made to induce him to come forth and go about Paris with them had wholly failed.

”It's more comfortable in here,” he had answered them, ”and I've got my hands full forgetting all that useless French I learned last week. It's very curious how much harder it is to forget French than it is to learn it. I've been four days forgetting that wazzoh means bird and that oofs is eggs.”

”And you haven't forgotten it yet, have you,” said Whistlebinkie.

”O yes,” said the Unwiseman. ”I've forgotten it entirely. It occasionally occurs to me that it is so when people mention the fact, but in the main I am now able to overlook it. I'll be glad when we are on our way again, Mollie, because between you and me I think they're a lot of frauds here too, just like over in England. They've got a statue here of a lady named Miss Jones of Ark and I _know_ there wasn't any such person on it. Shem and Ham and j.a.phet and their wives, and Noah, and Mrs. Noah were there but no Miss Jones.”

”Maybe Mrs. Noah or Mrs. Shem or one of the others was Miss Jones before she married Mr. Noah or Shem, Ham or j.a.phet,” suggested Whistlebinkie.

”Then they should ought to have said so,” said the Unwiseman, ”and put up the statue to Mrs. Noah or Mrs. Shem or Mrs. Ham or Mrs. j.a.phet--but they weren't the same person because this Miss Jones got burnt cooking a steak and Mrs. Noah and Mrs. Ham and Mrs. Shem and Mrs. j.a.phet didn't.

Miss Jones was a great general according to these people and there wasn't any military at all in the time of Noah for a lady to be general of, so the thing just can't help being a put up job just to deceive us Americans into coming over here to see their curiosities and paying guides three dollars for leading us to them.”

”Then you won't come with us out to Versailles?” asked Mollie very much disappointed.

”Versailles?” asked the Unwiseman. ”What kind of sails are Versailles?

Some kind of a French cat-boat? If so, none of that for me. I'm not fond of sailing.”

”It's a town with a beautiful palace in it,” explained Mollie.

”That settles it,” said the Unwiseman. ”I'll stay here. I've seen all the palaces without any kings in 'em that I need in my business, so you can just count me out. I may go out shopping this afternoon and buy an air-gun to shoot alps with when we get to--ha--hum----”

”Switzerland,” prompted Mollie hurriedly, largely with the desire to keep Whistlebinkie from speaking of Swiz-izzer-land.

”Precisely,” said the Unwiseman. ”If you'd given me time I'd have said it myself. I've been practising on that name ever since yesterday and I've got so I can say it right five times out of 'leven.

And I'm learning to yodel too. I have discovered that down in--ha--hum--Swztoozalum, when people don't feel like speaking French, they yodel, and I think I can get along better in yodeling than I can in French. I'm going to try it anyhow. So run along and have a good time and don't worry about me. I'm having a fine time. Yodeling is really lots of fun. Trala-la-lio!”

So Mollie and Whistlebinkie went to Versailles, which by the way is not p.r.o.nounced Ver-sails, but Ver-sai-ee, and left the Unwiseman to his own devices. A week later the party arrived at Chamounix, a beautiful little Swiss village lying in the valley at the base of Mont Blanc, the most famous of all the Alps.

”Looks-slike-a-gray-big-snow-ball,” whistled Whistlebinkie, gazing admiringly at the wonderful mountain glistening like a huge ma.s.s of silver in the sunlight.

”It is beautiful,” said Mollie. ”We must get the Unwiseman out to see it.”

”I'll call him,” said Whistlebinkie eagerly; and the little rubber-doll bounded off to the carpet-bag as fast as his legs would carry him.

”Hi there, Mister Me,” he called breathlessly through the key-hole.

”Come out. There's a nalp out in front of the hotel.”

”Tra-la-lulio-tra-la-lali-ee,” yodeled the cracked little voice from within. ”Tra-la-la-la-lalio.”

”Hullo there,” cried Whistlebinkie again. ”Stop that tra-la-lody-ing and hurry out, there's a-nalp in front of the hotel.”