Chapter 100 - In My Current Life (1/2)
I Need to add this tagline here, guys. TRIGGER WARNING, THE FOLLOWING CHAPTER GETS PRETTY DARK and deals with mental health issues and self-harm. If you are afraid it might affect you, please skip over this chapter. While important, you'll be able to piece together what happened in the subsequent chapters.
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POV Cynrik
-Your Race has changed to 99% Human 1% Æsir.-
Tobs' soft monotone voice chimed in my mind, accompanied by a notification window, and I was thrown back in time to when I had first gotten injured in the military. Back then, I had to undergo a procedure called a ”Bone scan.” Since simple x-rays couldn't show all the damage my legs had sustained, the doctors made me get on top of this giant machine. But none of that is important; what IS, was when they injected me with colored dye. The purpose of this dye was to stick to any fractures on my bones and light them up so the machine could snap pictures of each individual fracture.
The feeling of the Æsir blood being injected was so vaguely familiar that it brought me back to that instant, well, except for that procedure being utterly painless, and the only side effect was feeling like I wet myself. But, this was on a whole other level. It was like molten lava was being pumped around my body by my heart, and it took everything I had to not freak the fuck out in tears.
When I saw the notification about becoming a demi-human, I felt a hand grip my heart and squeeze. I remember thinking to myself, 'Is this fear…am I actually scared?' how many times had I been in situations that would have traumatized someone and come out utterly unaffected. So why was it NOW, when something as simple as a few drops of blood entered my body, was I scared shitless.
Not by the pain but by the rapidly growing hunger and aggression I was experiencing. The primal feeling I'd been somewhat in control of for years was like a chained beast in my head. Screaming to be let out. Begging to kill and destroy. Something Primal, an urge that humans had long lost touch with, was waking up inside me, and I couldn't stop it.
My lack of self-control was evident during the Physical Exam. Being someone who needed a plan no matter what the situation, I had spent the whole night before going over how my group and I would handle them, only to toss all that planning out the window the second I saw a bunch of kids showing off and getting praised. This was the first time I heard the voice in my head clearly.
It had always been present since my reincarnation, that is. A disembodied voice, the personification of the primal urge I was trying to suppress. Speaking in whispers, in Norse, with insanity and desperation dripping off each word, it taunted me, telling me…
-=these filthy Ergi (High-level insult, but basically means coward), how dare they prance around displaying their weakness as if they're special.=-
-=Drengr, don't you want to tarnish them, hehe, don't you want to show how YOU and YOU alone are the best here. Where is your Asgardian pride? Are you not a son of Odin?=-
'Shut up, shut UP! FUCK OFF'
-=TEEHE HAHA, Oh lookie, the youngblood seems to have some bark within that mouth of his. Good, go, show them who you are. Show them that the Æsir are alive and well.=-
Before I understood what I was doing, I had grabbed Benny by the scruff of his neck and jumped onto the stage as flamboyantly as possible.
Only once I saw how confused Brance appeared to be, did I come back to and realize what I'd done. What happened to acting low-key and flying under the radar? What happened to my fucking plan? WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO ME?
I wanted to slam my head against something until some sense was knocked into me. 'No, stop, calm down, Cyn, just take a deep breath and relax. It's just a voice; this isn't our first rodeo being a tad bit crazy.”
-=Teehe HAHA.=-
'Fuck off, this is my head, you bastard, MY LIFE.'
-=OHHH, is it now, and who says it doesn't belong to me?=-
The voice became more coherent the longer I seemed to acknowledge its existence, so I simply chose to ignore it.
If it was only a voice, I probably wouldn't have felt as restless as I was at the time. When the Observers spoke to me and awarded Brance and me our Elite tokens, it almost became too hard not to snap at the poor guy. He was clearly frightened by me, and that was fine. I remember laughing inside, seeing his face.
The following incident was with the guards outside A-G-22097. The voice was furious at the guard for looking down on me. Which, in turn, made me furious. I had already plotted how to take him down, and if Brance hadn't stopped me, I would have attacked the Tier-3 being mercilessly before moving on and taking out any other threats.
Luckily my little brother was there. Who knows what would have happened if I did cause a massacre at that moment. As strange as it sounds, whenever Brance stepped in, it was like a cool breeze calming me down. Through his words and actions, I was able to push the primal voice down, and my logic came back.
That didn't last long, though.
From the instant I stepped foot into the Egress, the voice grew increasingly more active. Constantly whispering, taunting, and critiquing my every action. No matter how much I screamed at it or tried to ignore it, I'd get the same fucking response.
-=Teehe HAHA=-
It would laugh and giggle like a maniac before jumping back into its taunts. Then, when my Party finished off the first mischief, the voice's attitude shifted radically. From its playful and mocking tone to a serious and bloodthirsty one. It demanded I tear into the corpses.
Without registering my own actions, I blacked out…I don't remember dissecting the fourteen rats, I don't remember allowing myself to get covered in viscera, I…don't…remember.
One second I was proudly watching Gabby fire off her arrows; the next, Brance was clearing his throat to get my attention. I knew something had happened, but I needed to cover it up. No…that's not right…I need to talk to Brance; I need to let him know something is wrong…
-=Teehe HAHA=-
Brance and I had already talked about our Bloodlines, and I'd even unlocked a new stat. But it all seemed useless. The Will Power Stat seemed utterly fucking hopeless; according to Tobs, it was supposed to help me control this shit.