Part 14 (1/2)
One morning, a pretty child, standing a-tip-toe, with her pitcher and penny held up, caught the eyes of this n.o.bleman. ”Now,” said he, ”my pretty la.s.s--_now_,” patting her on the head, and giving her a kiss--”_now_, you may tell, as long as you live, that you have been kissed by an Earl.”
”O yes--but you took the penny, though,” said the little witch, innocently enough, I dare say. But what became of the Earl? n.o.body knows. It was a long while ago.
No. 265. _Where do all the Cooks go?_--A capital housekeeper having discharged her cook with emphasis, exclaimed, ”Well, thank heaven! there are no cooks in the other world.” Which other world did she mean, think you? Her little girl seemed puzzled; but, after thinking awhile, said, ”Well, mamma, then who cooks wash-days? for you know they must have a big wash, as they always wear white.”
No. 266. _More Sabbath-school Exercises._--”Where was John Rogers burned?--tell me now,” said a teacher, in a voice that filled the room, and startled the listeners at the door. ”Couldn't tell,” said the first.
No answer from the next. ”Joshua knows,” whispered a little thing at the head of her cla.s.s. ”Well, then, if Joshua knows, he may tell,” said the teacher. ”In the fire,” shouted Joshua, with a look of imperturbable self-complacency.
No. 267. _Just as the twig is bent, etc., etc._--A little shaver, living in Walcott, Maine, aged only five years, having well considered the subject of earning his bread, went to a farmer and offered his services.
He was put to raking hay, and persevered as long as the rest, and went home to his happy mother in the evening, with a silver dollar in his pocket. And where did he get it? some lazy little Jackanapes will ask, I dare say. Go to your mother, child.
No. 268. _Them's my Sentiments._--A six-year-old boy was set to work upon what is called a ”composition,” all about water. He wrote as follows: ”Water is good to drink. Water is good to paddle in and swim in, and to skate on when it grows hard in winter. When I was a little wee baby, nurse used to wash me every morning in cold water--_ugh_! I have heard tell the Injuns only wash themselves once in ten years. I wish I was an Injun.”
No. 269. _Arithmetic made easy._--”Peter--I say, Peter! what are you doing with that boy?” ”Helping him in 'rethmetic, sir.” ”How helping him?” ”He wanted to know if I took ten from seventeen, how many would be left; and so I took ten of his apples to show him, an' now he wants 'em back.”
”And why don't you give 'em back, hey?”
”'Cause I want him to remember how many was left.”
No. 270. _Scripture and Poetry._--While a poor mother was moaning over her wretchedness and helplessness, fearing that she would have to go to the workhouse, her little boy looked up from his pile of blocks in the chimney-corner, and murmured, ”Mamma, I think G.o.d hears, when we sc.r.a.pe the bottom of the barrel.”
No. 271. _A glorious Boy._--The playmates of a small boy were trying to persuade him to take a handful or two of cool, ripe cherries, from a tree overhanging the stone-wall, where they were sitting together in the hot suns.h.i.+ne.
”What are you afeard of?” said the largest, ”for if your father should find it out, he is so kind, he wouldn't punish you.”
”That's the very reason why I wouldn't touch 'em,” said the dear little fellow, in reply.
No. 272. _Physics and Metaphysics._--An amiable professor, in France, was laboring to explain that theory, according to which the body is entirely renewed every six years, giving for ill.u.s.tration the experiment made with a pig, by feeding it on madder till its bones were colored through and through, and other cases. ”And so, mam'selle,” said he, addressing a pretty little blonde with a roguish face, ”in six years you will be no longer Mademoiselle F----.”
”I hope so,” murmured Mam'selle F., casting down her eyes, and peering up at him through her long lashes. Evidently she had somewhat misunderstood her teacher.
No. 273. _Too good to be true._--A little boy having broken his rocking-horse the very day it was brought home, his mother began scolding him. ”Why, mamma,” said he, with a mischievous giggle, as if he understood the joke, and _meant_ it, ”What's the use of a horse afore he's _broke_?”
No. 274. _True, beyond all question._--Said somebody to a little moppet, as she sat on the door-step playing with her kitten and her doll, ”Which do you love best, darling, your kitten or your doll?”
After looking serious for a minute or two, she leaned over and whispered, ”I love Kitty best, but please don't tell Dolly.”
No. 275. _A slight Misapprehension._--Three little negroes were lately baptized by our friend, Mr. C., of the new Protestant Cathedral. After the ceremony was over, one of them whispered to its mother, ”You don't mind it, mamma, do you, 'cause he baptized us in his night-gown?”
No. 276. _A Natural Curiosity._--A dear little six-year-old was going by a church with her father. ”What house is that?” asked the child. ”That is the Dutch Church,” said papa; ”people go there to be good, so that, after a while, they may be angels.” ”Hi! then there'll be Dutch angels, papa!”
No. 277. _Much to the Point._--A sabbath-school teacher had been reading to her cla.s.s the beautiful story of Ruth--with a running accompaniment.
Wis.h.i.+ng to call their attention to the kindness of the princely husbandman, in ordering the reapers to drop here and there a handful of wheat, she said, ”Now, children, Boaz did another nice thing for poor Ruth: can you tell me what it was?” ”To be sure I can,” said a little fellow, a long way off;--”_he married her_.”
No. 278. _A new Currency._--Our Sallie, a pleasant, active, sprightly little thing, just old enough to make herself understood, partly by pantomime and partly by lisping, came in all of a glow, saying,--
”O mamma! mamma! Me jess buyed a itte paper-doll.”
”Indeed! and where did you buy it?”
”O, jess down here, in a defful big store; me toot a ittle dirl in me's hand.”