Chapter - 8 The Moron (1/2)

The wind and water currents were so swift in the middle of the Long River that the two boats were already more than ten zhang (33.33 metres) apart in a twinkling. Hence, regardless of how highly skilled Ding Busan was in qinggong, he could not jump across the expanse that separated the two vessels. Meanwhile, the smaller and lighter boat sailed further and further away, until it could no longer be caught up with.

Although Shi Potian had run himself into Min Rou's sword, he was not seriously hurt; neither was the wound particularly painful. He saw Shi Qing and Min Rou leaving the temple and the flame of the candle going out. Then, as the hall plunged into darkess, he suddenly felt someone putting a hand over his mouth and pulling him silently into the space beneath the altar.

Reeling from surprise, he saw a flash of light as Bai Wanjian brought out his fire-booklet and shouted, ”There is a ghost, there is a ghost!” Then, he saw Bai dash out of the temple, because he (Bai) did not know that the missing young man was beneath the altar.

Shi Potian could not help but laugh silently at the scene. Then, he felt someone picking him up and carrying him quickly out of the temple. The person sped along for a while before leaping on to a small boat. Then, someone lit an oil lamp beside him.

The bearer of the lamp was none other than Ding Dang. Delighted at the sight, Shi Potian asked, ”Ding Ding Dang Dang, who brought me here?”

”Grandfather did, of course,” answered Ding Dang, curling her lip into an expression of disbelief. ”Who else could it be?”

Turning around, Shi Potian found Ding Busan sitting on the bow of the boat with his arms wrapped around his knees and his eyes looking upwards into the sky. ”Grandfather,” said Shi Potian, ”what have you ... you brought me here for?”

Ding Busan snorted in disgust. ”A'Dang, this man is a moron,” he said. ”Why did you marry him? Since you have not consummated your marriage, perhaps we should just have him killed with a slash of the sabre as soon as possible.”

”No, no!” said Ding Dang at once. ”Tian- ge has been very ill for a long time, so he has not been able to recall a lot of things. But he will get well in time.” Then, turning to Shi Potian, she added, ”Tian- ge, let me take a look at your wound.” She opened the front of his shirt, moistened a handkerchief with water and began wiping the bloodstains around the wound away. When she was done, she applied some medicine for metal-inflicted wounds (jin1 chuang1 yao4)(1) on the injury before tearing a piece of fabric from the edge of her own garment and binding the injury up.

”Thank you,” said Shi Potian. ”Ding Ding Dang Dang, so you and Grandfather were both hidden under that table? That was just like playing hide-and-seek. How fun!”

”So you think it was fun?” snapped Ding Dang. ”Your father and mother were having a battle of swords with that man who was surnamed Bai! You would never know how flustered I felt, just watching them!”

”My father and mother?” asked Shi Potian. ”Are you saying that the man in black is my father? But that attractive woman is not my mother ... my mother does not look like that; she is not as good-looking...”

Ding Dang sighed. ”Tian- ge,” she said, ”your illness has certainly done you quite a bit of harm, so much so that you have even forgotten who your parents are. When you were using the Swordplay Technique of the Snow Mountain School, I could see that you were terribly unfamiliar with it. Could you have completely forgotten even the martial arts skills that you have trained in before? How ... how can this be?”

As it turned out, Ding Busan and his grand-daughter had tracked Bai Wanjian down after the latter made off with Shi Potian. When Bai left the temple to check on the surroundings, Ding and his grand-daughter had seized the opportunity to hide under the altar. Therefore, they saw everything that occurred after that, including the arrival of Shi Qing and his wife, as well as the sword-battles that followed.

Ding Busan had initially thought that Shi Potian had been defeated only in pretence, because he had certainly seemed to have a purpose for doing it. Therefore, Ding had not expected Shi's swordplay skills to be so poor. In fact, the old man soon became so infuriated that he almost burst! What a moron, what a moron! he had cursed repeatedly in his heart. Then, when Bai Wanjian went searching for a set of flint and steel, Ding had seized the opportunity to rescue Shi.

Just then, the old man heard Shi Potian ask: ”What martial arts do I know? I do not know any martial arts at all, and I have even less understanding of what you are saying.”

Ding Busan could no longer be patient. Getting to his feet abruptly, he turned around and said in a stern voice: ”A'Dang, what exactly has happened to you? Are you so obsessed that you can no longer think clearly? How could you have insisted on marrying this little nonsensical, baffling and inexplicably odd wretch? I will just kill him with a strike of the palm ... I assure you, I will find another handsome, intelligent, refined and caring young man who is also adept with both pen and sword to be your spouse.”

Tears welled up in Ding Dang's eyes. ”I ... I do not want any other young hero,” she sobbed. ”He ... he is not a moron; he has been seriously ill, so he is somewhat confused at the moment.”

”What do you mean 'confused at the moment'?” roared Ding Busan in anger. ”His father is obviously a highly skilled pugilist, but he prefers to call himself 'Gouzazhong' -- a bastard -- instead. If he is not a moron, your grandfather is! Look at the ghastly way in which he used the sword. I would be surprised if the sight did not cause anyone to explode in a fit of anger. He was so clumsy that there was not a single move without a hundred flaws. The holes were everywhere. Heh-heh, his opponent had clearly withdrawn her sword, but this wretch had to throw himself towards the blade. He just had to suffer an injury before he could be happy. If I do not kill such a worthless pus-filled good-for-nothing today, he would still be slaughtered by someone else sooner or later. Then, if the news of Ding Busan's grandson-in-law being killed by someone else gets out into the realm of the rivers and lakes, how can I still show my face in public? No, he must not be left unkilled!”

Biting her lower lip, Ding Dang asked: ”Grandfather, what do you want done, if there is a way to spare him?”

”Eh, why should I spare him?” asked Ding Busan in return. ”He must not be left unkilled. Then, he would not be able to embarrass me. When people hear that Old Ding the Third killed his own grandson-in-law, they would not find it strange. But if they hear that the grandson-in-law of Old Ding the Third was killed by someone else, what I am going to do?”

”What else?” quipped Ding Dang. ”Just go and have him avenged.”

Ding Busan burst into laughter: ”Ha-ha! I would go and have this worthless pus-filled good-for-nothing avenged? What do you take your grandfather for?”

”It was you who told me to go through the marriage rites with him,” wailed Ding Dang. ”He has already become my husband. If you kill him, are you not asking me to become a young widow?”

Ding Busan scratched his head. ”When I tested him that day, I did not find his internal strength poor,” he said. ”He could qualify as my grandson-in-law, but I did not expect him to turn out to be a moron. Since you insist on stopping me from killing him, I will let it pass. But you would have to comply with a condition that I set.”

”What is it?” asked Ding Ding, delighted to hear an opportunity to turn the situation around. ”Tell me quick, Grandfather, tell me quick!”

”I say that he is a moron who should be killed,” answered Ding Busan. ”But you say that he is not a moron, so he should not be killed. Fine, I will give him ten days to track that Bai Wanjian down for a duel of swords. If he can kill or defeat that 'Frost of the North-west' or whatever, I will spare his life and allow both of you to become true husband-and-wife.”

Ding Dang heaved a cold mouthful of breath. She had seen with her own eyes how exquisite Bai Wanjian's swordplay skills were, so how could her Darling Shi be the match of this great and well-known swordsman? He could practise for another twenty years without any avail, so she said, ”Grandfather, this is obviously a difficult task that is almost impossible to complete.”

”If it is difficult, so be it,” said Ding Busan, ”and if it is easy, so be it. If the moron cannot defeat Bai Wanjian, I will have him killed with a single strike of the palm.” He felt that he had come up with a very good quest, for the wretch would never be able to succeed regardless of what anyone would say. Therefore, he could not help but feel pleased and satisfied with himself.

On the other hand, Ding Dang was filled with sorrow. When she turned towards Shi Potian, she found him looking as if he did not have a single care in the world. ”Tian- ge,” she said to him in a low voice, ”my grandfather has given you ten days to defeat that Bai Wanjian. What do you have to say about it?”

”Bai Wanjian?” asked Shi Potian. ”His swordplay skills are very good, so how am I going to defeat him?”

”That is true,” answered Ding Dang. ”My grandfather says that if you do not defeat him, he is going to have you killed.”

Shi Potian laughed. ”Why does he want me killed for no rhyme or reason?” he said. ”Grandfather is joking with you, so why are you taking him so seriously? After all, Grandfather is a good man, not a bad one. So how ... how can he kill me?”

Ding Dang sighed. Darling Shi's illness has indeed caused him to become so dim-witted that he no longer understands reason, she thought. The only thing I can do now is to agree to Grandfather's quest. Then, I will have to find a way for Darling to escape within the next ten days. Hence, she turned to Ding Busan and said, ”All right, Grandfather, I agree. Let me go and defeat Bai Wanjian within the next ten days.”

Ding Busan replied with a sarcastic sneer. Then, he said, ”Your grandfather is hungry; go and make me something to eat! But let me tell you: one, teach not; two, escape not; three, spare not. 'Teach not' means that I am not going to impart any martial arts skills to that moron. 'Escape not' means that you had better not think of ways for him to flee for his life. If I find out that he is thinking of running away, I will have him killed without waiting for the end of ten-day period. As for 'spare not', it is something that I need not speak more of.”

”Since you say that he is a moron, he would not be able to learn any martial arts even if you teach him,” said Ding Dang. ”So why must you say 'one, teach not'?”

”Even if your grandfather is willing to teach,” said Ding Busan, ”how could he defeat Bai Wanjian in ten days? Ten years of instruction may not even be sufficient for the task.”

”Well, that is due to your poor ability in teaching,” said Ding Dang. ”Your martial arts skills are peerless beneath the sun, so if you train an apprentice up well, how could the apprentice be any weaker than the disciple of Bai Zizai from the Snow Mountain School? Could the Gentleman of Impressive Strength and Virtue Bai Zizai be better than you?”

Ding Busan smiled. ”A'Dang,” he said, ”your prodding and goading is not going to work on me. Even the deities and fairies would not be able to do anything about a moron such as he. Did you not hear what Shi Qing and his wife said to Bai Wanjian? The moron studied martial arts at the Snow Mountain School for many years, only to succeed in picking up the swordplay skills of a one-legged cat!”

Named Ding Busan (literally, Ding 'Not Three'), the old man had a taboo about the use of the word 'san' (three). Therefore, he changed the idiomatic expression of a 'three-legged cat' (san1 jiao3 mao1) -- meaning 'a jack of all trades' -- to a single-legged one.

By then, the boat had begun sailing against the currents of the Long River towards the west as the east winds filled its sails. As the sky grew brighter, a whitish layer of mist could be seen on the surface of the water.

”All right,” said Ding Dang. ”Since you are not going to teach him, I will. Grandfather, I am not going to cook any meals. I want to teach Tian- ge martial arts.”

”So you are not going to cook,” roared Ding Busan in anger. ”Are you not making a deliberate attempt to starve your grandfather to death?”

”Since you want to kill my husband, I had better starve you to death first,” answered Ding Dang.

Ding Busan spat in disgust. ”Go and cook quickly,” he said.

Ignoring the old man, Ding Dang turned to Shi Potian and said, ”Tian- ge, let me teach you a set of martial arts techniques. I assure you, you will be able to defeat that Bai Wanjian in ten days.”

”Rubbish!” said Ding Busan. ”How can a girl like you succeed in something that even I am unable to do?”

The quarrel between the old man and his grand-daughter had resumed without any signs of abating.

Deep in her heart, Ding Dang was really worried. She knew that her grandfather had such an eccentric temperament that gentle pleas would never result in any success. The only way to change his mind was, perhaps, through the use of trickery. She thought: I will not cook for him. When he is terribly hungry, he will have to moor the boat and go ashore to buy something to eat. Then, I will seize the opportunity to get Darling Shi to escape.

Yet, no one could have foreseen Shi Potian's response to the hunger-induced frown and dismay on Ding Busan's face. Since he too was feeling hungry, he stood up and said, ”I will go and cook.” After all, there was no way that he could have guessed the intentions on Ding Dang's mind.

Reacting in anger, the young woman snapped: ”So you want to go and slog over a meal. If your wound breaks open, what are you going to do?”

”The medicine for metal-inflicted wounds that is used by our Ding Family is as efficacious as the deities,” said Ding Busan. ”It heals a wound as soon as it is applied, so what is there to be concerned about, considering that his sword-inflicted wound is not particularly serious? Dear child, go quickly and make your grandfather something to eat.” He had actually stopped referring to the young man as 'the moron' for the sake of a meal.

”So he is going to cook for you,” said Ding Dang. ”Are you still going to have him killed?”

”Cooking is one matter,” answered Ding Busan. ”Having him killed is another. Both are not related, so how can they be discussed in the same breath?”

Meanwhile, Shi Potian pressed the wound on his chest. Sure enough, it did not hurt very much any more. Hence, he went off to the stern of the boat to wash and cook some rice. There was an old helmsman steering the boat at the stern, who did not appear to hear the exchanges that had taken place between the Dings and the young man.

All his life, preparing meals was something that Shi Potian did best. Within a short period of time, he had already fried two fish to a crisp, and cooked a pot of hot and fragrant white rice.

Ding Busan praised the young man as he ate. ”If your martial arts skills were as good as a tenth of your ability to cook,” he said, ”I will not have you killed. If you did not go through the rites of marriage with A'Dang that day and became my cook instead, I would not have even spoken about having you killed. In fact, if anyone wants you dead, I would certainly not allow it at all. Sigh, it is a pity that I have already laid the ten-day deadline down. The word of Ding Busan is as steadfast as the mountains, so it will never be changed. If I had given you a month-long period instead, I would have had the opportunity to enjoy your cooking for another twenty days. Would that not be wonderful? But regret is not going to get me anywhere at this point, for there is nothing else that I can come up with.” Then, he heaved a seemingly endless string of sighs.

After the meal, Shi Potian and Ding Dang went to the stern to wash the bowls and chopsticks side by side. Seeing that her grandfather was sitting at the bow, Ding Dang whispered: ”I will teach you a set of seizing techniques (qin2 na2 shou3 fa3) shortly, so you had better remember it with all your heart.”

”When I have learnt it, am I to go and challenge Master Bai?” asked Shi Potian.

”Are you really a moron?” asked Ding Dang in return. ”Tian- ge, you ... you were not like this in the past.”

”How was I in the past?” asked Shi Potian.

Turning a little red in the face, Ding Dang replied: ”When you saw me in the past, your mouth would be sweeter than honey. You were so quick-witted that we had plenty to talk and laugh about. You teased me until I was filled with delight, for the words that came out of your mouth were often unexpected and unimaginable. Now, you have become really dim-witted.”

”I am not your Tian- ge in the first place,” said Shi Potian with a sigh. ”He knows how to make you happy, but I do not. You had better go and find him instead.”

”Tian- ge, does this mean that you are angry with me?” asked Ding Dang in a gentle and persuasive voice.

Shi Potian shook his head. ”Why should I be angry?” he asked in return. ”I am telling you the truth, but you do not believe me at all.”

Ding Dang gazed at the water that swept by the side of the boat and began mumbling to herself: ”I wonder when he will return to his former self.” As she became lost in her thoughts, a porcelain bowl slipped out of her hand and fell into the river. After bobbing twice in the greenish waves, the bowl disappeared.

”Ding Ding Dang Dang, I will never become that Tian- ge of yours,” said Shi Potian. ”If I were a ... a moron for the rest of my life, you would never like me, would you?”

”I do not know, I do not know!” wept Ding Dang. Terribly vexed, she picked one porcelain bowl up after another and threw them into the middle of the river.

Shi Potian spoke again: ”If I ... I am quick and clever with words, and can make you happy with what I say, I do not mind talking unceasingly all day. But ... but I am really not your 'Tian- ge'. I cannot pretend to be him even if you want me to.”

Ding Dang gazed at Shi Potian. The sun, which was rising at that time, cast a reddish glow on Shi's face. Although his eyes darted about in a lively manner, his entire countenance was actually one of whole-hearted sincerity. Ding Dang let out a faint sigh. ”If you are not my Tian- ge,” she said, ”how can my bite leave a scar on your shoulder? Why do you find similar enjoyment in toying with flowers and grass, and dallying with the women who come your way? Not only did you seduce the wife of your clan-member Incense-Master Zhan, you also took liberties with that Hua- guniang from the Snow Mountain School? If I say that you are my Tian- ge, why have you suddenly become dim-witted and moronic, without any of your former finesse and poise?”

”I am your husband,” said Shi Potian with a laugh. ”Is it not good for me to be honest?”

”No,” answered Ding Dang with a shake of her head. ”I would rather have you lively and mischievous like you once were. If you rob someone of his wife, so be it. If you take liberties with someone's daughter, so be it. I just do not like your good behaviour, discipline and mannerisms.”

The matter of robbing someone of his wife had nagged at Shi Potian since the day he first heard about it, so he asked: ”Robbing someone of his wife? What is the purpose of that? Elderly Uncle says that a person who takes someone else's things without permission is a petty thief. Since I have stolen someone's wife, does that make me a petty thief?”

Ding Dang found Shi Potian's words increasing convulated, so much so that they soon became too ridiculous for her. As a fit of anger rose inside her, she reached out, took his ear and tugged it hard. Almost at once, the base of the young man's ear began to bleed.

Reeling in pain, Shi Potian reacted by pushing Ding Dang's hand away. As he did, Ding Dang felt a burst of energy so strong and extraordinary that she tumbled backwards and almost broke the wooden mast in her fall.

”A-yo!” she cried. ”Ghastly creature, are you beating your wife? Why did you use such a great amount of strength?”

”I am sorry!” said Shi Potian at once. ”I ... I did not do it deliberately.”

Ding Dang looked at her arm and found a huge and swollen bruise in green and purple. Then, quite unexpectedly, the anger on her face turned into delight. Reaching out for Shi Potian's hand and swinging it, she said, ”Tian- ge, you have indeed been pretending and deceiving me all along.”

”Pretending?” asked Shi Potian, stunned.

”You have not lost any of your martial arts skills,” answered Ding Dang.

”I do not know martial arts,” said Shi Potian.

”If you keep on spouting nonsense, look and see if I will pay you any attention again,” snapped Ding Dang. Then, she raised her hand and sent it towards his left cheek.

Shi Potian turned away and lifted his own hand in defence, but the move that Ding Dang used came from a palm technique that had been passed down through her family. Sudden but swift, the move was naturally beyond the reach of Shi Potian's unskilled hand. All he felt was a burst of pain on his face, for he had already been struck without a single sound.

As for Ding Dang, she felt a terrible jolt on her arm. Her palm sprang away from Shi Potian's face as if it had been pushed aside by his cheek, prompting her to utter another ”A-yo!” in even greater shock and fright than before. After knowing that Shi Potian had not lost his martial arts skills, she had thought that he would be able to avoid her palm with ease. Consequently, she had exercised a gentle yet highly toxic form of internal strength on to her palm, without realising that Shi Potian would actually be so clumsy in deflecting her move. He had acted as if he did not know any martial arts, but when her palm touched his cheek, the palm was jolted off by his internal strength.

As Ding Dang caught her right hand with her left, she saw the dark print of a small palm appearing on Shi Potian's left cheek. Her 'Black Palm of Death' (Hei1 Sha4 Zhang3) was a formidable technique that she had learnt personally from her grandfather, but she was not very advanced in its practice. This, together with the presence of a very profound level of internal strength in his body, had enabled Shi Potian to escape with only a very minor injury. However, the black palm-print on his face would not fade until at least half a month later.

Aching with tender affection and feeling apologetic at the same, Ding Dang reached out and held Shi Potian around the waist. ”Tian- ge,” she sobbed as she pressed her cheek against his bruise, ”I really did not know that you have not recovered in full.”

The embrace of such a beautiful maiden caused Shi Potian to sigh. Since his face did not really hurt very much, he said, ”Ding Ding Dang Dang, first, you are angry. Then, in the next moment, you become delighted. I still do not understand why this is so.”

”So...so what should I do?” asked Ding Dang, becoming worked up once more. ”What should I do?” Sitting straight up, she took a ceramic bottle from inside her shirt and poured a medicinal pellet out of it. Then, after getting Shi Potian to ingest the pellet, she said, ”Sigh, I hope it will not leave a scar.”

The duo snuggled against each other and sat on the stern. No one spoke.

After a long period of silence, Ding Dang put her mouth against Shi Potian's ear and whispered: ”Tian- ge, although you have forgotten your martial arts skills after your recent bout of illness, your internal strength remains. I will teach you that set of seizing techniques, for it will be very useful to you.”

”Since you are willing to teach me,” said Shi Potian with a nod, ”I will learn it with all my heart.”

Ding Dang reached out with her fingers and caressed the black palm-print on the young man's cheek. Feeling very apologetic for hurting him so, she leaned over impulsively and kissed the bruise. All at once, the duo's faces turned thoroughly red with embarrassment. However, their hearts were filled with an incomparable sweetness. Then, after sweeping aside the strands of hair around her face, Ding Dang began demonstrating the eighteen moves that make up her set of seizing techniques.

That day, Ding Dang taught Shi Potian six moves, all of which were duly memorised. Then, the duo practised using the moves one by one. The next day, Ding Dang imparted another six moves. By the end of the third day, Shi Potian had learnt all eighteen moves to the point of familiarity. Although there were only eighteen moves in this set of seizing techniques, the variations within them were numerous and complex.

During these three days, Shi Potian spent all his time practising the techniques with Ding Dang. Meanwhile, Ding Busan observed the goings-on with a sceptical eye. Sometimes, he would make sarcastic remarks to ridicule them.

By the fourth day, the sword-inflicted wound on Shi Potian's chest had more or less healed. Ding Dang was delighted at the extremely quick manner in which her Darling Shi had progressed, so when she heard Ding Busan calling the young man 'a moron' again, she asked: ”Grandfather, how many days would it take a moron to learn the eighteen moves that make up the Seizing Techniques of our Ding Family?”

Ding Busan was momentarily dumbfounded, for he could see that Shi Potian had already learnt the set of seizing techniques. This meant that the wretched fellow was certainly not dim-witted, so was he pretending to be stupid or had he really forgotten everything in the past? Yet, unwilling to lose out even in words, Ding Busan eventually came up with an answer in self-defence: ”Some morons are clever, while others are dense. Clever morons will learn the techniques in half a day, but brainless ones like your Darling Shi need three days to learn them.”

A smile appeared in the corner of Ding Dang's mouth. ”Grandfather, how many days did you take to learn this set of seizing techniques years ago?” she asked.

”How many days would I take?” answered Ding Busan. ”Your great-grandfather had to instruct me only once, and I learnt the techniques within half a day.”

”Ha-ha!” laughed Ding Dang. ”So you are a clever moron, Grandfather!”

”How rude!” snapped Ding Busan, his countenance darkening. ”Sheer nonsense!”

Just then, a small boat sailed up from the lower reaches of the river. The banks on both sides of the river at that particular spot were open and wide, while the water current was smooth and steady. The on-coming boat had a large sail and four oarsmen who moved their wooden oars at a very fast pace. Small and light, the boat came closer to Ding Busan's vessel.

Two men in white clothes stood on the bow of the small boat. One of them called out in a loud voice: ”Is the fellow who is surnamed Shi on the vessel before us? Quick, stop your vessel, stop your vessel!”

Ding Dang responded with a light snort of disgust: ”Grandfather, people from the Snow Mountain School have come in pursuit of Darling Shi.”

Ding Busan broke into a smile. ”Let them capture the moron and take him away,” he said. ”Let them dismember him into ten thousand pieces with a thousand sabres. Only then will the desires of your grandfather's heart be fulfilled.”

”Will they be taking the clever moron?” asked Ding Dang. ”Or the foolish one?”

”The foolish one, of course!” answered Ding Busan. ”Who dares to capture the clever moron anyway?”

”That is true,” said Ding Dang with a smile. ”The clever moron is highly skilled in martial arts, so no one dares to offend him at all.”

Taken aback, Ding Busan roared: ”Girl, how dare you curse your grandfather in a roundabout way?”

”Well, when the Clan of Eternal Happiness asks Old Ding the Third for their clan-leader after the Snow Mountain School has had your grandson-in-law killed,” said Ding Dang, ”would you not be left without much respect?”

”Why not?” asked Ding Busan. ”I would gain much respect indeed.” Then, feeling that his words could not justify themselves, he added: ”I will twist and break the neck of anyone who dares to say that Old Ding the Third would lose respect.”

Ding Dang began talking to herself: ”Most people would not dare to say anything, of course, but I am afraid that Fourth Grandfather would spout nonsense and say that if he had a grandson-in-law, he would certainly not allow anyone to have him killed. I wonder if Grandfather would dare to twist and break the neck of his own younger brother? Even if he has the courage to do so, I do not know if he has the ability to get it done.”

Fuming with anger, Ding Busan said, ”So you say that Old Fourth has better skills in martial arts than I? What a fart, what a fart! He is far beneath me in pugilistic skills.”

As the elderly man and his grand-daughter spoke, the small boat came nearer. The men in white on the boat shouted again: ”Hey you, arrogant fellow! You look like the rascal Shi Zhongyu from the Clan of Eternal Happiness. Why are you not stopping your boat?”

”Ding Ding Dang Dang,” said Shi Potian, ”someone has come in pursuit of us. What do you say we do?”

”How should I know what to do?” asked Ding Dang in return. ”You are a man, so do not tell me that you do not have the slightest idea about this.”

By then, the small boat had come within a zhang (3.33 metres) of its quarry. The two men in white shouted in unison and leapt towards the stern of Shi Potian's vessel. They had long swords in their hands, weapons which gleamed and shone in the sunlight.

When Shi Potian saw that the duo were Snow Mountain disciples whom he had met at the temple of the local deity, he thought: I wonder how I have offended them, that they would pursue me with such relentlessness. Then, a *zip* later, he found a sword heading towards his shoulder.

The past three days had seen Shi Potian constantly practising an array of martial arts moves with Ding Dang. Whenever he was slow in using his hands and feet, she would box his ears and pull his hair. After suffering quite a bit of hardship in this way, Shi Potian had become faster and more agile in responding with his body and limbs. Now, his responsive abilities were different from those he had shown in the temple of the local deity during the martial arts exchange with Shi Qing and his wife. When he saw the sword coming at him, he did not take time to even think about what to do. He simply exercised the eighth move, 'The Hand of the Phoenix's Tail' (Feng4 Wei3 Shou3), making an arc with his right hand and grabbing the aggressor's wrist before giving it a twist.

”Ah!” shouted the victim, dropping his sword at once.

Shi Potian followed through by lifting his right elbow and striking his victim on the chin with a *smack*. The victim's chin shattered at once, as a mouthful of blood and more than ten teeth spurted out on to the deck of the boat. Never did Shi Potian expect the Hand of the Phoenix's Tail to have such power, so he was shocked involuntarily out of his wits.

As Shi's heart thumped wildly, the second disciple of the Snow Mountain School -- who had gone off to launch a simultaneous attack at the bow of the boat -- suddenly found his elder brother-at-arms seriously wounded within the blink of an eye. That elder brother-at-arms was more highly skilled in martial arts than himself, so if he went further forward, he would certainly not have much success. Therefore, he rushed towards his brother and picked him up.

By then, both the large vessel and the small boat were sailing side by side. The Snow Mountain disciple took the wounded man and leapt back into his own boat, shouting out orders to lower the sail and turn the rudder as he went.

Soon, the small boat could be seen turning around and sailing downstream towards the east. A short while later, the boat was already far away. However, curses and shouts of anger could still be heard, carried upstream by the east wind.

+ + +

Looking at the pool of blood and the teeth on the deck, Shi Potian was both rather astonished and very stricken by his conscience. ”I ... I am really sorry!” he muttered to himself.

Ding Dang came out of the cabin, walked over to Shi Potian's side and gave him a smile. ”Tian- ge,” she said, ”this 'Hand of the Phoenix's Tail' turned out rather efficiently. You used it quite well.”

”Why did you not explain things earlier?” Shi Potian asked, shaking his head. ”If I had known how severe it would be when I struck someone with it, I would not have learnt it.”

Ding Dang's heart sank: This stupid man is having another bout of brainlessness, and talking foolishly again. Then, she said: ”Since we are learning martial arts here, it is only natural that the more formidable ones are better. If you did not execute the 'Hand of the Phoenix's Tail' right just now, that man's sword would have pierced your shoulder. If you did not hurt him, he would have hurt you. Do you like hurting others, or being hurt by them? Getting a few teeth punched out is the least serious of injuries. When people fight in the martial arts circle, their lives can be put in danger any time. You have a kind heart, but your opponent does not. If you get yourself killed by a single stab of the sword, what good does a kind heart do?”

”It is best if you teach me a martial arts skill that would not hurt or kill anyone,” muttered Shi Potian, ”or allow anyone to hurt or kill me. Then, everyone can laugh things off and become good friends instead of enemies.”

Ding Dang laughed in exasperation. ”What a load of foolish talk!” she said. ”Nothing but a mouth full of nonsense! We are pugilists; when we fight, our lives are at stake. Do you think that we are playing hide-and-seek, or playing in mud and sand?”

”I like hide-and-seek, and playing in mud and sand,” answered Shi Potian. ”I do not like fighting with people and putting lives at stake. It is a pity that I have never had anyone to play hide-and-seek with, and A'Huang does not know how to play it at all.”

The more Ding Dang heard, the angrier she became. ”You muddle-headed egg!” she snapped. ”Anyone who talks to you is totally unfortunate.” Thoroughly piqued by now, she decided to pay Shi Potian no further attention and returned to the cabin to get some sleep.

”Is that so?” said Ding Busan. ”I have said that he is a moron, and he has eventually turned out to be one. He can have good martial arts skills or poor ones, but he is still a moron. Perhaps, he should be killed as soon as possible, so that he does not anger us further.”

Ding Dang thought: If Darling Shi really remains as muddle-headed as he now is for the rest of his life, how am I going to spend my life with him? Perhaps I should just listen to Grandfather, have him killed with a stab of the sabre, and get some peace and quiet in return.

Then, she thought about the sweet nothings that he would say to her before that major bout of illness. Even if he looked silently at her without uttering a single word, his brows would still be able to communicate and his eyes could talk. His refined manner was indeed akin to the drinking of fine wine, so much so that the heart and soul would be totally intoxicated. Then, after parting ways, the pining and longing that followed often went beyond her control. Never did she expect that the bout of illness would turn the handsome, quick-witted and talented young man into a pedantic and dense block of wood. The more she thought about it, the more frustrated she became. Soon, tears began to drop, prompting her to pull a thin blanket over her head.

”What purpose is there in crying?” asked Ding Busan. ”Crying is not going to turn a moron into a gifted scholar!”

”I am going to cry until the brainless moron becomes a smart one!” Ding Dang retorted angrily. ”Is that all right?”

”So you are spouting nonsense again!” snapped Ding Busan.

As Ding Dang wept in silence, she thought: Going by the attitude of that Hua Wanzi from the Snow Mountain School and her boiling anger against Darling Shi, it appears that she has not been won over by his charms. How can he be a true man if he can look at a beautiful woman without getting into a dalliance with her? Now that I am married to this disciplined, well-behaved and dense block of wood, what delight do I have left in life?

She cried until midnight before giving the matter more thought: I have already undergone the rites of marriage with him. I am now his lawful wife. During the past few days, he had been focused on practising martial arts. He did not seize any opportunity to touch my body at all when we were practising the moves together. At night, we slept barely a few 'chi' (1 'chi' = 33.33 centimetres) away from each other, but he did not even come over to touch my hands or legs, much less make any attempts to kiss me. How can this be the life of a newly-wedded couple? All right, I will not talk about newly-weds. Even elderly couples in their seventies or eighties would indulge in moments of affection.

Then, her ears heard the sound of Shi Potian sleeping on the stern. His long and steady breaths indicated such blissful sleep that anger soon rose in her heart. Reaching for her willow-blade sabre (liu3 ye4 dao1) and drawing it gently out of its scabbard, Ding Dang gritted her teeth and said to herself: ”What purpose is there in keeping such a dense wood-block of a husband in this world?” Then, walking quietly to the stern, she thought: Darling Shi, Darling Shi, this has come upon you because you have changed. You must not blame me for being ruthless.

Lifting the sabre, Ding Dang prepared to bring it down on Shi Potian's head ... only to feel her heart soften. Hence, she turned him over by the shoulders, so that she could take one last look at him before his death. As Shi Potian turned over in his sleep, the pale moonlight picked out the sweet smile on his face. He looked as if he was having an unknown but rather pleasant dream.

Ding Dang thought: You will die in the blink of an eye, so I can wait for you to finish your pleasant dream before having you killed. After all, there is not much of a difference between doing it now or half a moment later. Thus, she sat down beside him, hugged her knees and gazed at his face. As soon as his smile faded, she would swing her sabre and bring it down on its target.

After a while, she suddenly heard Shi Potian mumbling unconsciously in his sleep: ”Ding Ding Dang Dang, why ... why are you angry? But ... but you look very good when you are angry, you are truly ... truly very good-looking ... I can look at you for a hundred days, a thousand days, without getting enough of you, ten thousand days ... a hundred thousand days, no, five thousand days ... would not even be enough...”

Ding Dang could not help but feel ripples of emotion going through her heart as she listened in silence. ”Darling Shi, Darling Shi,” she said, ”so I am constantly on your mind, even when you are asleep. If you speak such pleasant words to me during the day, would it not be wonderful? Sigh, a day will eventually come when your the roots of your confusion and muddle-headedness are healed. Then, you will speak such words to me again.”

By and by, Ding Dang noticed that the planks on the side of the boat were moist with dew. Then, when she saw how thin Shi Potian's clothes were, she began to take pity on him. Hence, she pulled a thin blanket out from the cabin and draped it gently over his body. She continued to gaze longingly at him for a long time before going into the cabin once more.

Ding Busan began to scold his grand-daughter: ”It is the third watch (11.00 p.m. to 1.00 a.m.) in the middle of the night, and a small cowardly rat is scurrying here and there. What good is there in thinking about doing something without actually daring to get it done? I wonder: Are you a descendant of my Ding Family?”

Ding Dang knew that her grandfather had seen everything, but she was too happy at that moment to take notice of the old man's sarcastic remarks. All she thought about were these words: But you look very good when you are angry ... I can look at you for a hundred days, a thousand days, without getting enough of you, ten thousand days ... a hundred thousand days, no, five thousand days ... would not even be enough...

Suddenly, she burst into a giggle: Silly Tian-ge, you sound silly even when you speak in your dreams. Even if we live to a hundred years of age, there would only be thirty-six thousand days. Where would the 'one hundred thousand' days of looking come from?

After crying and laughing for half a day, Ding Dang finally fell asleep during the fourth watch (1.00 a.m to 3.00 a.m.). Before long, however, she was jolted awake by Shi Potian's voice.

”Eh, this is strange!” the young man shouted from the stern. ”Ding Ding Dang Dang, how did your blanket end up on my body in the middle of the night? Could the blanket have sprouted some legs?”

Greatly embarrassed, Ding Dang leapt out of the cabin and hurried to the stern.

”Ding Ding Dang Dang,” said Shi Potian again as he held the thin blanket in his hand, ”what do you say? Is this matter not strange? This blanket...”

Ding Dang turned totally red in the face and snatched the blanket away. ”Stop it!” she growled in a low voice. ”What is there so strange about a blanket that sprouts legs?”

”A blanket that sprouts legs is not strange?” asked Shi Potian. ”Where would you say the legs of the blanket are?”

Ding Dang turned her head and caught sight of the old helmsman casting a sidelong glance at her with a smile on his face. Yet, he did not seem to be really smiling at all. At that time, the helmsman was just beginning to steer the boat into deeper water. Ding Dang became so embarrassed that her face looked like a piece of red cloth.

”And you are still going on about it?” she snapped at Shi Potian, before reaching out with her left hand to twist his ear.

Shi Potian raised his right hand and carried out a spontaneous execution of the 'Hand of the Circling Crane' (He4 Xiang2 Shou3) from the eighteen moves of the Seizing Techniques of the Ding Family. Ding Dang responded by turning her right hand over and grabbing him under the ribs with a backhanded grip. In turn, the young man brought his left elbow horizontally across his torso and locked the young woman's grip. Then, he made a grab for her shoulder with his right hand.

Casting the blanket on to the deck, Ding Dang responded with another move. She knew that Shi Potian had a swift-moving and formidable level of internal strength, so she did not allow her hands, palms and arms to come into contact with his fingers and palms.

Within moments, the duo had exchanged more than ten moves. The more Ding Dang fought, the faster her movements became. Shi Potian took everything in with full attentiveness, so much so that nothing escaped him. After many more moves, Ding Dang executed 'The Claw of the Soaring Dragon' (Long2 Teng2 Zhao3) and made a direct grab for the top of Shi Potian's head. The young man turned his wrist over and deflected the move with such amazing speed that the young woman could not withdraw her hand before his five fingers touched an acupoint on her wrist.