Volume Ii Part 24 (1/2)
Q. And when will that be?
A. Never.
This was very ingenious and clever, and has been imitated a hundred times over since by _ad captandum_ statisticians, but it needed an interest default on the part of John Bull to make it effective.
Franklin's conceit in the Edict that Saxony was as much the mother country of England as England was of America was, it must be admitted, made to do rather more than its share of service. It reappeared in his _Vindication and Offer from Congress to Parliament_, when, in repelling the charge that America was ungrateful to England, he said that there was much more reason for retorting that charge on Britain which not only never contributed any aid, nor afforded, by an exclusive commerce, any advantages, to Saxony, _her_ mother country, but no longer since than the last war, without the least provocation, subsidized the King of Prussia, while he ravaged that mother country, and carried fire and sword into its capital, the fine City of Dresden.
The same conceit also reappeared a second time in the _Dialogue between Britain, France, Spain, Holland, Saxony and America_, which he wrote soon after he arrived in France as one of our envoys. In this lively dialogue, Britain beseeches Spain, France and Holland successively not to supply America with arms. Spain reminds her of her intervention in behalf of the Dutch, and expresses surprise at her impudence. France reminds her of her intervention in behalf of the Huguenots, and tells her that she must be a little silly, and Holland ends by informing her defiantly that, with the prospect of a good market for brimstone, she, Holland, would make no scruple of even sending her s.h.i.+ps to h.e.l.l, and supplying the Devil with it.
America then takes a hand, and denounces Britain as a bloodthirsty bully, to which Britain replies as quickly as her choking rage will permit by denouncing America as a wicked--Whig-Presbyterian--serpent. To this America rejoins with the statement that she will not surrender her liberty and property but with her life, and some additional statements which cause Britain to exclaim: ”You impudent b--h! Am not I your Mother Country? Is that not a sufficient t.i.tle to your Respect and Obedience?” At this point Saxony, for the first time breaks in:
”_Mother Country!_ Hah, hah, he! What Respect have _you_ the front to claim as a Mother Country? You know that _I_ am _your_ Mother Country, and yet you pay me none. Nay, it is but the other day, that you hired Ruffians to rob me on the Highway, and burn my House.
For shame! Hide your Face and hold your Tongue. If you continue this Conduct, you will make yourself the Contempt of Europe!”
This is too much for even the a.s.surance of the dauntless termagant who, before the American war was over, was to be engaged in conflict at one time with every one of the other parties to the dialogue except Saxony.
”O Lord,” she exclaims in despair, ”where are my friends?” The question does not remain long unanswered.
”_France, Spain, Holland, and Saxony, all together_.
Friends! Believe us, you have none, nor ever will have any, 'till you mend your Manners. How can we, who are your Neighbours, have any regard for you, or expect any Equity from you, should your Power increase, when we see how basely and unjustly you have us'd both _your own Mother--and your own Children_?”
With such rollicking fun, did Franklin, beguile his Gibeonite tasks.
A letter of information to those who would remove to America, an essay on the _Elective Franchises enjoyed by the Small Boroughs in England_, the three essays on Smoky Chimneys, the New Stove, and Maritime Topics, _The Retort Courteous_, in which some pithy reasons were given why Americans were slow in paying their old debts to British merchants, the _Observations Relative to the Intentions of the Original Founders of the Academy in Philadelphia_, the _Address of the Pennsylvania Society for Promoting the Abolition of Slavery and the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage_, the _Plan for Improving the Condition of the Free Blacks_, the essay on _The Internal State of America_ and the paper on _Good Whig Principles_ make up the bulk of the graver pamphlets and papers written by Franklin between the beginning of his mission to France and his death.
Some, if not all, of them have already come in for our attention, and most of them invite no special comment. All, like everything that he wrote, even the _marginalia_ on the books that he read, have some kind of salt in them that keeps them sweet, a.s.sert itself as time will.
Other serious papers of Franklin, not inspired by political motives, belong to an earlier date, and, with the exception of those, to which we have more than barely referred in previous chapters of this book, call for a word of comment. Two, _The Hints for Those that would be Rich_ and the _Advice to a Young Tradesman_ are merely echoes of _Poor Richard's Almanac_ but are good examples of the teachings that make Franklin the most effective of all propagandists. ”He that loses 5s. not only loses that Sum, but all the Advantage that might be made by turning it in Dealing, which, by the time that a young Man becomes old, amounts to a comfortable Bag of Money.” This is a typical sentence taken from the Hints. After reading such a discourse as the _Advice to a Young Tradesman_, it is easy enough to see why it was that pecuniary truisms took on new life when vitalized by the mind of Franklin. Money he tells the young tradesman is of the prolific, generating nature. ”He that kills a breeding sow, destroys all her offspring to the thousandth generation. He that murders a crown, destroys all that it might have produced, even scores of pounds.” The young novice is also told that the most trifling actions that affect a man's credit are to be regarded.
”The sound of your hammer at five in the morning, or nine at night, heard by a creditor, makes him easy six months longer; but, if he sees you at a billiard-table, or hears your voice at a tavern, when you should be at work, he sends for his money the next day.” The paper ends with this pointed sermon:
In short, the way to wealth, if you desire it, is as plain as the way to market. It depends chiefly on two words, _industry_ and _frugality_; that is, waste neither _time_ nor _money_, but make the best use of both. Without industry and frugality nothing will do, and with them everything. He that gets all he can honestly, and saves all he gets (necessary expenses excepted) will certainly become _rich_, if that Being who governs the world, to whom all should look for a blessing on their honest endeavours, doth not, in his wise providence, otherwise determine.
Scattered through the works of Franklin are various miscellaneous productions of no slight literary value. The _Parable against Persecution_ was an ancient conception, old, we are told by Jeremy Taylor in his _Liberty of Prophesying_, as the Jews' Books. Franklin never claimed more credit for it, as he stated in a letter to Vaughan, ”than what related to the style, and the addition of the concluding threatening and promise.”
These qualifications, however, leave him quite a different measure of credit from that of an artist who merely touches up a portrait by another hand, as a perusal of the parable will satisfy any reader. The incident, upon which the story turns, is the reception by Abraham into his tent of a stranger who fails to bless G.o.d at meat. Abraham expels him from the tent with blows for not wors.h.i.+pping the most high G.o.d, Creator of Heaven and Earth; only to be rebuked by the Almighty in these impressive words: ”Have I borne with him these hundred and ninety and eight years, and nourished him, and cloathed him, notwithstanding his rebellion against me; and couldst not thou, who art thyself a sinner, bear with him one night?”
Only less felicitous was Franklin's _Parable on Brotherly Love_. Simeon, Levi and Judah are successively denied by their brother Reuben the use of an axe which he had bought of the Ishmaelite merchants, and which he highly prized. Therefore, they buy axes themselves from the Ishmaelites, and, as luck will have it, while Reuben is hewing timber on the river bank, his axe slips into the water and is lost. Reuben then applies to each of his three brothers in turn for the use of their axes. Simeon reminds him of his selfishness, and flatly refuses. Levi reproaches him, but adds that he will be better than he, and will lend his axe to him. Reuben, however, is too ashamed to accept it. Judah, seeing the grief and shame in his countenance, antic.i.p.ates the request and exclaims, ”My brother, I know thy loss; but why should it trouble thee? Lo, have I not an axe that will serve both thee and me!” And then the lovely parable continues in these words:
And Reuben fell on his neck, and kissed him, with tears, saying, ”Thy kindness is great, but thy goodness in forgiving me is greater. Thou art indeed my brother, and whilst I live, will I surely love thee.”
And Judah said, ”Let us also love our other brethren: behold, are we not all of one blood?” And Joseph saw these things, and reported them to his father Jacob.
And Jacob said, ”Reuben did wrong, but he repented.
Simeon also did wrong; and Levi was not altogether blameless. But the heart of Judah is princely. Judah hath the soul of a king. His father's children shall bow down before him, and he shall rule over his brethren.”
The papers contributed by Franklin to the _Busy-Body_ and the _Pennsylvania Gazette_ clearly indicate the influence of Addison and Steele. The Ridentius and Eugenius of the second issue, Ridentius, the wight, who gave himself an hour's diversion on the c.o.c.k of a man's hat, the heels of his shoes or on one of his unguarded expressions or personal defects, Eugenius who preferred to make himself a public jest rather than be at the pains of seeing his friend in confusion, pale phantoms though they be, are palpably imitations of the Spectator and Tatler. So are the Cato of the third issue of the _Busy-Body_, whose countenance revealed habits of virtue that made one forget his homespun linen and seven days' beard, and the Cretico of the same issue, the ”sowre Philosopher” who commanded nothing better from his dependents than the submissive deportment, which was like the wors.h.i.+p paid by the Indians to the Devil.
Unlike these characters, the Patience of the fourth issue of the _Busy-Body_ is a real creature of flesh and blood. She writes to the Busy-Body for advice, informing him that she is a single woman, and keeps a shop in the town for her livelihood, and has a certain neighbor, who is really agreeable company enough, and has for some time been an intimate of hers, but who, of late, has tried her out of all patience by her frequent and long visits. She cannot do a thing in the world but this friend must know all about it, and her friend has besides two children just big enough to run about and do petty mischief, who accompany their mother on her visits and put things in the shop out of sorts; so that the writer has all the trouble and pesterment of children without the pleasure--of calling them her own.
Pray, Sir [concludes the unhappy Patience], tell me what I shall do; and talk a little against such unreasonable Visiting in your next Paper; tho' I would not have her affronted with me for a great Deal, for sincerely I love her and her Children, as well, I think, as a Neighbour can, and she buys a great many Things in a Year at my Shop. But I would beg her to consider that she uses me unmercifully, Tho' I believe it is only for want of Thought. But I have twenty Things more to tell you besides all this: There is a handsome Gentleman, that has a Mind (I don't question) to make love to me, but he can't get the least Opportunity to--O dear! here she comes again; I must conclude, yours, &c.
This letter is made the subject of some sensible comments by the _Busy-Body_ on the importance of remembering the words of the Wise Man, ”Withdraw thy Foot from the House of thy Neighbour, lest he grow weary of thee, and so hate thee.” Later the same caution was to be conveyed in Poor Richard's, ”Fish and Visitors smell after three days.” The paper ends with the approval by the _Busy-Body_ of the Turkish practice of admonis.h.i.+ng guests that it is time for them to go, without actually asking them to do so, by having a chafing dish with the grateful incense of smoking aloes rising from it brought into the room and applied to their beards.
Even more lifelike than Patience are Anthony Afterwit, Celia Single, Mr.