Part 10 (1/2)

-That's you being racist.

-It's me being not insane, Billy. Just because we hired a black president, it does not mean every citizen of this nation gets to call himself black. It doesn't work that way.

-Your racism colors everything you say. Pun intended.

-If I were you I wouldn't advertise that pun.

-You're saying it was a bad pun.

-Yes.

-You're saying that African Americans are no good at puns.

-That's precisely what I'm saying, if by ”African Americans” you mean ”you, and you only,” and by ”puns” you mean ”that last really bad pun.”

-I won't let you box me in.

-Okay.

-I'm saying you can't box me in.

-I get it. Are you trying to write a song?

-Why? You don't think I could write a song?

-I never gave it much thought, honestly.

-By your tyrannical European standards of harmony and the well-tempered piano and so on ...

-You don't even know what well-tempered means.

-... But by the rhythmic innovations of my forebears ...

-Are you descended from bears?

-What?

-I thought you just said you're descended from bears.

-Why would I say that?

-I'm just saying what I thought you said. I'm not inside your head. I don't know why you say half the things you say.

-Are any humans descended from bears?

-I don't think so. Maybe. I'm not a scientist.

-That would be pretty neat, don't you think?

-Neat? h.e.l.l yeah, it would be neat.

-We might still have some residual bear characteristics. Like maybe that's why I like salmon so much.

-I've never seen you eat salmon.

-You've never seen me eat anything but burritos, practically. That's a question of affordability, not taste.

-Okay. So you like salmon?

-I love salmon. It's probably my favorite kind of sea-food.

-You better trim your claws.

-What?

-I'm just saying, watch out for those things. If you have residual bear characteristics. That would probably manifest in extremely fast-growing, sharp fingernails. You could cut yourself.

Billy examined his fingernails carefully. -They do grow fast.

-You see?

Billy flashed his teeth at Guy, who recoiled in horror.

-Why would you do that? asked Guy.

-Did you see anything fanglike?

-I'm actually blind now.

-Seriously.

-Seriously, I didn't look and I'm not going to look. This is why G.o.d invented the mirror.

-I don't trust mirrors.

-Of course you don't.

-Say what you want, but I don't think a mirror gives you a good idea of what you look like.

-Compared with ...

-Compared with reality.

-How would you go about measuring something like that?

-It's like, when you look in the mirror, you get a different picture of yourself than when you see yourself on videotape or something. Because in the mirror you only look directly at yourself. But no one else sees you that way.