16 Chapter 16 - I Have No Choice (1/2)

”s..s...sist?” my hands trembling. The voice I haven't heard for years, the presence of a sister that slowly fade away, but I still can recognize her voice. It's really Cindy.

”STEFFI ! IS THAT REALLY YOU ?” I heard Cindy's voice shaking on the phone, followed by another sobs. It was more than crying, it was the kind of desolate sobbing that comes from a person drained of all hope.

”You...you have to come back home Steffi ! Dad's life.... can't hold it any longer ! You have to meet him !” there's gasping wails echoed around the empty room.

”Sist.... What..happen?” I still couldn't talk properly, hardly move my tongue. I was shocked and terrified at the same time. There's a feeling inside the chest, deep inside.. I afraid losing my dad.

”Dad has a heart disease since 3 years ago..... We've done.... a lot of surgeries... or medical .....but... and now he..... is suffering...this... is.... Too...bad Steffi.... He....... wants to.... meet you so........ bad” she stuttered, hardly speak properly, but I understand every single words she implied. In Cindy's sobbing was the sound of a heart breaking. My body couldn't hold the gravity, as it shaking, wobbling, and falling to my knees, left me boneless. My eyes are wide open. Why... why dad..

The pain I carry in my chest is inexplicable. I hate him in the past, but deep inside I still love my dad so much, I want to see him for the last time. The very last time before he leaves this world. Noah's words echoing inside my head. Yes, I should go and meet him for the last time.

I drowned in sadness, I can't pull myself to stand yet tears come in such generous streams as I long for a hand to reach up.

The long minutes drag into even longer hours but I refuse to look at the clock again and again. The last time I peep the clock they are just 3 a.m. It would be enough to send my heart racing and undo the calming effect of being so restful. I can't sleep, can't stop thinking about my dad. It was all my fault, I left the town without saying a single word. I delete my social medias, I change my messenger's account, at first I thought it was better this way.

I texted Lily, Lily must have asleep. But I hope she replied me in the morning, I know she will, I don't know... I just can't think properly right now. I have to go home, I have to meet my dad. I have to say sorry.

Deep inside this heart there's another thing...Noah...it just hard for me to leave Noah, I mean everything here is just pretty, I just planned to stay longer, but I have no choice. I'm sorry Noah... I know.. I am just a nobody to you, but you've been a very good –friend of mine, even though the feelings I felt is far different from a word FRIEND.

I turn the lights on, drag the drawer from my bedside table, tear a paper from my black –diary, I grab a pen and start writing. My eyes shifted to the side again, became glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As I blinked, they dripped from my eyelids, slid down to my cheeks.

It's still early in the morning, Jane usually arrive at 7, I've packed my stuffs, ready for the flights. Noah comes everyday between 9 -10 a.m. in the morning for an Americano, I will pass the letter to either Jane or Cara and I will talk to my boss. I have to let Noah knows too, at least he knows I am leaving, I am not leaving for a while which means I might not come back. It's hard for me to say goodbye to him, everything is just hard.

It is the time. The time I knew would come sooner or later but dreaded. I had to say goodbye to the only person that I felt cared, to the only person that I felt happy with. How was I supposed to just do it without feeling like I've lost a part of me? All those times when we talk, joke, laugh and other normal things we usually do will leave me scars of leaving you, there's always a thing lack of something inside me because you are not by my side anymore. When I almost forgot how it felt to be care of, he was the one who showed me. When I felt like the world was falling apart around me, he made me feel as though it wasn't so bad. When I felt like nothing could make me feel better, he somehow managed to put even the silliest things he might do to cheer me up, it is just beautiful Noah. I afraid I am losing my way to come back to you, but every end has a new beginning and I hope the new beginning is the dawn of something special, I hope you are doing fine Noah.

There's a song played in my airpods. Day 1 – HONNE , playing Noah Hoskin's playlist in the application. He saved his favorite songs in the internet.

I turn my body back looking at the L.A. airport towering above the light blue sky. It's hard for me to leave this town. I don't want to leave this town, especially the little memories Noah made for me still bubbling inside my head.

The time when I accidentally bumped into you..

The time when I met you at Santa Monica..

The time when I met you at the cliff...

The time when you shared your sandwiches..

The time when we walked home together..

The time you care so much about me...

The time when you bought me Sushi..

The time we spent during Halloween night..

The time when you bought me that cute skeleton necklace..

The time when you drove me to Griffith Observatory...